Real event OCD

[Dakagraphics-David]

And the quickest, and easiest way to get something done... Is to Simply begin... Right now... Start with breathing control... Relaxation exercises can have amazing results on the way we think about things... Positive thoughts e

[snowbear]

20 minutes ago, Dakagraphics-David said:

the quickest, and easiest way to get something done... Is to Simply begin... Right now...

I second that!

You say you're bored Cora. Boredom comes from inaction. So do something. Start that self-reflection exercise today instead of putting it off until tomorrow.

The frustration and difficulty concentrating will also improve when you do something. Nothing helps concentration and focus better than starting a task and staying with it through those first few minuntes of not wanting to bother with it. The longer you focus the more your abilty to concentrate again will improve. That goes for your studies too 9when you get back to them.) However messed up your head feels, make a start and stick with it through the early discomfort and not wanting to phase.  You'll be amazed how much better you feel afterwards.

 

[PolarBear]

23 hours ago, Cora said:

Thank you for your reply and explanation, @Saffron37.

I'm not sure about this. What about the feelings of enjoyment? Why do I get them? If OCD is not evil, why does it give me these feelings? If OCD is not evil and the feelings are not caused by it, then it must mean the feelings are real and make a valid worry. 

The more I think about this, the worse I feel. I just don't get it. Nothing makes sense anymore...

At the risk of giving reassurance for the nine thousanth time, let me explain something to you.

You do not understand what OCD is. You have an idea what it is, which is very limited in scope. Something happens, you compare it to your idea, see it doesn't fit and come to the erroneous conclusion that what you are experiencing can't be OCD. 

Then you make post after post, telling us how sick and twisted you are and nearly begging us for reassurance, all based on the fact that you don't understand what OCD is.

This has been explained before. Many times. You refuse to let it sink in, spend your time trying to prove yourself the exception to the rule, when the reality is, you are just another, average, run of the mill OCD sufferer.

I would love for you to print this out and refer to it every time you get the notion that your problem is not OCD.

All OCD sufferers get obsessions. They pop into your head. You really wish they wouldn't be there. They cause distress.

What is an obsession? They are intrusive thoughts or intrusive images or intrusive feelings or intrusive impulses or intrusive urges or intrusive sensations or any combination of the above.

Do you notice the word feelings above? Obsessions can be intrusive feelings. They don't have to be bad feelings. But they are almost always perceived as inappropriate. 

Same with urges. You have spent a lot of time on here telling us that your urges mean you don't have OCD, when in fact they prove you do.

You get a feeling that you like an inappropriate thought. The thought AND the feeling are obsessions. They cause you distress. They cause you anxiety and doubt. And they always, always cause you to do compulsions, like ruminating, confessing and reassurance seeking.

For years, as long as you have been here, EVERYTHING you have stated and confessed is nothing more than everyday OCD. It's not different.

It would be a huge help to yourself if you put aside your denial that this is OCD, take a leap of faith that it is, and just try to treat it all as OCD. 

[Cora]

22 hours ago, PolarBear said:

You do not understand what OCD is. You have an idea what it is, which is very limited in scope.

I guess I have to agree with you, @PolarBear. 

[PolarBear]

I'm glad you agree. 

It's hard. Your brain gets stuck thinking one way and here's all these people you don't know telling you to think differently. 

Give yourself a hug and start again tomorrow. 

[Cora]

I've done something today. It happened in a very weird way but I think it had a positive (more or less) outcome. 

This morning I was in my room and suddenly started getting urges to harm my brother in the sickest ways. He was in the living room and I was telling myself that if I were to go there, it would mean I wanted to act on the urges. Of course, I didn't want to act on them (or at least I think I didn't). However, I was feeling bored and felt like I wanted company (I know, it's kind of weird to want your little brother's company) and went in to the living room anyway. While staying there, my brain convinced me I was doing something awful and because I didn't stay in my room, I was  passively acting on the urges. I still didn't leave (don't know why) and decided to help my brother with his lego instead. After half an hour or so the thoughts started fading away and I started feeling a bit better. 

A similar thing happened with my boyfriend's dogs when I visited him earlier today. I get very bad groinal responses when I play with the dogs but I did it anyway today and even though I felt guilty afterwards, I didn't feel as bad as I expected. 

I have no idea whether I did something bad today. I want to believe I didn't and only did some exposures instead, but, of course, I'm getting thoughts I acted on urges. 

[Cora]

10 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

I'm glad you agree. 

It's hard. Your brain gets stuck thinking one way and here's all these people you don't know telling you to think differently. 

Give yourself a hug and start again tomorrow. 

Thank you, @PolarBear.

[PolarBear]

2 hours ago, Cora said:

I've done something today. It happened in a very weird way but I think it had a positive (more or less) outcome. 

This morning I was in my room and suddenly started getting urges to harm my brother in the sickest ways. He was in the living room and I was telling myself that if I were to go there, it would mean I wanted to act on the urges. Of course, I didn't want to act on them (or at least I think I didn't). However, I was feeling bored and felt like I wanted company (I know, it's kind of weird to want your little brother's company) and went in to the living room anyway. While staying there, my brain convinced me I was doing something awful and because I didn't stay in my room, I was  passively acting on the urges. I still didn't leave (don't know why) and decided to help my brother with his lego instead. After half an hour or so the thoughts started fading away and I started feeling a bit better. 

A similar thing happened with my boyfriend's dogs when I visited him earlier today. I get very bad groinal responses when I play with the dogs but I did it anyway today and even though I felt guilty afterwards, I didn't feel as bad as I expected. 

I have no idea whether I did something bad today. I want to believe I didn't and only did some exposures instead, but, of course, I'm getting thoughts I acted on urges. 

YES!!!!!!!!!

You did perfectly! 100%. Couldn't be better.

Biggest hugs from Canada!!!!

[Cora]

15 hours ago, PolarBear said:

YES!!!!!!!!!

You did perfectly! 100%. Couldn't be better.

Biggest hugs from Canada!!!!

Thank you so much, Polarbear.

Unfortunately, I'm struggling today. I've been getting urges to touch my brother on his foot/arm. The urges are responses of thoughts such as "my brother is super cute", "my brother is really funny" and so on. I struggle because I feel like I really want to do it.

I am still in the same room as him but I'm not standing next to him anymore. 

[ThRo]

Hi Cora,

I've not seen any of your other posts/threads.

Having scanned this forum, all I would say is all the "is it really OCD? Am I evil? Am I the exception?" has applied to me.

I personally have suffered an array of OCD fears from false memories, harm OCD, hit and run OCD, contracting HIV/AIDs, to name just a small number.

I know how draining it can be when you've over-analysed and are now so tired and confused you feel like you don't know which way is up or down, and are completely dis-oriented.

Ultimately the way out for me was action, minimising rumination as much as possible, and making very small improvements over a prolonged period of time. I really do feel for you, but sadly the reality is warm sentiments and hugs and won't provide a long-term solution to your OCD. I'm sorry how cold that sounds, but I say it with kind intent. I'm not a clinician, but I have thoroughly researched OCD and psychology for myself, and the other posts on here do seem right.

With OCD, ultimately you have to face the fear, and live with the anxiety. However, I think this needs to be tackled in a planned and chronological way. Start with small targets and gradually build them up. E.g. - I'll try and do 5 minutes of uni work uninterrupted this hour. Next day I'll try and do 10 mins, following day - 10 mins plus a 10 minute walk. You wouldn't go into a gym for the first time and immediately try to bench press 300 kg!

For me, I'd find myself getting stuck for hours scrolling articles and posts on the internet. This can be dangerous if you use it as a means of avoiding action. This article articulates it much better than I ever could:

www.artofmanliness.com/character/advice/10-overlooked-truths-about-taking-action/

Now, when I suffer an OCD thought, my current thought processes go along the lines of - "This could be OCD, therefore I'm going to assume it is OCD, It's possible it's not but that is a risk I have no choice but to take, I must sit with the anxiety and do my utmost to not ruminate".

I would like to end with a note of encouragement. My OCD was debilitating for years, I truly thought there was no way out, I went for years feeling like I was making no progress, stuck in a rut, helpless. Thankfully now life is infinitely better, I succeeded in getting my degree, I'm professionally qualified and married. I would not have dreamt this to be possible 10 years ago.

Best of Luck.

 

[Cora]

I'm struggling so much tonight! My brother keeps touching me and he won't stop when I ask him. I'm running out of patience. I've already shouted and screamed at him and I feel awful. But he just doesn't understand. I had a massive urge to hurt him just now and I nearly acted on it.

I hate this! I hate my life! I've been feeling sad, annoyed and frustrated for days now and I want all of this to end. 

[TriangleFace2]

Hello @Cora

Just letting you know I haven't fully read your past posts, so forgive me if you've already answered a question similar to this. 

Do you go through cycles with your OCD? So for example once you've gone through a pretty bad episode, you calm down and realize all of your obsessions/intrusive thoughts are a load of nonsense? 

Also just out of curiosity, when you say you had a massive urge to hurt him, do you mean you were getting so angry you felt you were going to hit him? I know I shouldn't say this as it is reassurance but that's pretty normal, many years ago I remember my friend was winding me up and I felt like I wanted to punch his head off   I don't sit here ruminating over that because I know I would never actually do that. The mind is weird sometimes and you just have to ignore it. 

Edited December 28, 2021 by TriangleFace2

[Cora]

Hi @TriangleFace2, 

Thank you for your reply.

11 minutes ago, TriangleFace2 said:

Do you go through cycles with your OCD? So for example once you've gone through a pretty bad episode, you calm down and realize all of your obsessions/intrusive thoughts are a load of nonsense? 

Not really. There are very few moments when I realise it's all nonsense. 

13 minutes ago, TriangleFace2 said:

Also just out of curiosity, when you say you had a massive urge to hurt him, do you mean you were getting so angry you felt you were going to hit him? I know I shouldn't say this as it is reassurance but that's pretty normal, many years ago I remember my friend was winding me up and I felt like I wanted to punch his head off   I don't sit here ruminating over that because I know I would never actually do that. The mind is weird sometimes and you just have to ignore it. 

I struggle with both sexual and harm OCD so the urge was a mixture between both. I got the urge while he was touching me and I touched him back but I felt like I wanted to do something much worse. 

There's also something else. When I'm not well - when I'm triggered - and my brother touches me, I tend to push him away. But the way I do it worries me. It's like I add extra pressure, or like a slight pinch, because I feel like I want to cause him harm. I don't want to do it but I can't control myself in those moments.

[felix4]

56 minutes ago, Cora said:

I'm struggling so much tonight! My brother keeps touching me and he won't stop when I ask him. I'm running out of patience. I've already shouted and screamed at him and I feel awful. But he just doesn't understand. I had a massive urge to hurt him just now and I nearly acted on it.

I hate this! I hate my life! I've been feeling sad, annoyed and frustrated for days now and I want all of this to end. 

Meanie!  

Put OCD to one side Cora, & have some OCD free time to play with your brother!

In all seriousness, I have heard that OCD is like an annoying younger sibling! (I don't have any younger siblings, so I guess I am the annoying one)

I digress!... @Cora Much like OCD, I would think that your brother may have latched onto a behavioural problem with YOU and now knows which buttons to "press"! Reverse that trend, Cora, & Play with him! 

Set yourself a New Years Resolution! "I will do the opposite of what my OCD dictates"! 

 

Edited December 28, 2021 by felix4

[TriangleFace2]

3 minutes ago, Cora said:

Not really. There are very few moments when I realise it's all nonsense. 

But you recognise there are times where you return from the OCD delusions, and you know it is nonsense right? Perhaps you should try and think about those times more. It's helped me recently. What I've found is when I think about those moments when I'm having episodes, it kinda helps pull me back to reality and know it's all rubbish, because I know when I'm not obsessing I know what my values are and know I wouldn't want those things to happen. 

7 minutes ago, Cora said:

I struggle with both sexual and harm OCD so the urge was a mixture between both. I got the urge while he was touching me and I touched him back but I felt like I wanted to do something much worse. 

I can fully sympathise with you, Cora. Many years ago I suffered with harm OCD for a brief period, but I some how managed to make it go away. I can't remember how I did it but it just disappeared. Now, like yourself I suffer from sexually intrusive thoughts too. It's horrible. What I will say is that OCD can make you feel like you like these things or you want these things to happen. You just need to recognise that it's just another OCD intrusive thought/feeling and just move on. Whenever you get a thought/feeling just disregard it as absolutely nothing and then just carry on with what you are doing. 

 

14 minutes ago, Cora said:

There's also something else. When I'm not well - when I'm triggered - and my brother touches me, I tend to push him away. But the way I do it worries me. It's like I add extra pressure, or like a slight pinch, because I feel like I want to cause him harm. I don't want to do it but I can't control myself in those moments.

Again, this is nothing. Just ignore it. 

[Hdigtts]

Hope you are okay Cora. I’ve just noticed it won’t let me message you anymore. 

[Hedgehog]

Hi Cora, 

Just confirming what all those other helpful people have said - it's OCD. 

Nothing to feel bad about, you just have OCD. 

 

 

 

[Cora]

Thank you very much everyone! 

[malina]

Hope you're feeling better today Cora!

I think your brother is behaving like a kid who wants attention, and I think sometimes they don't distinguish between good and bad attention, especially when it comes to their siblings. He is irritating you and that's getting you to respond to him, even if it's an angry or frustrated response, he is still getting something out of you and that is what he wants. I have a younger brother too and they can be really annoying sometimes! Obviously being the adult, you have to be understanding, but I don't think you should beat yourself up for lashing out sometimes, it happens to us all when our buttons are being pushed. Think of how many people must lose it when their kids are having a tantrum in public or something like that.

Just take a deep breath and pick yourself up. I think it's great that you played with him a few days ago, in spite of your urges (and that the anxiety went down). You need to be doing more of this. Maybe like Felix suggested, you should just schedule in some time to play with him. It'll give you much needed practice and it may give him the attention he wants too, so that he doesn't bug you as much later on.

[Caramoole]

Little Brothers can be very annoying at the best of times but OCD aside, it's okay to tell him off and make him do as he's told sometimes.  He has to learn when he is going too far and is being irritating.  It's okay for you to feel irritated.

[Cora]

Thank you, @Caramoole and @malina. 

Unfortunately, he kept pushing my buttons today as well so I lashed out again. I hate when I do that, I really want to keep my calm and be the patient, lovely big sister but I can't do it, especially when him touching me is a massive trigger. 

[Caramoole]

As I said, triggers aside....it is "normal" to feel irritated by 10 year old boys (or girls).  It is also "normal" to correct that behaviour, part of their growing up process and learning boundaries.

[Winter1]

Hi Cora, 

If you need anyone to talk to, I'm always happy to listen

[Saffron37]

On 27/12/2021 at 12:18, ThRo said:

I would like to end with a note of encouragement. My OCD was debilitating for years, I truly thought there was no way out, I went for years feeling like I was making no progress, stuck in a rut, helpless. Thankfully now life is infinitely better, I succeeded in getting my degree, I'm professionally qualified and married. I would not have dreamt this to be possible 10 years ago.

 

Congrats on such wonderful accomplishments, ThRo, and thanks for sharing them!

[Cora]

9 hours ago, Caramoole said:

As I said, triggers aside....it is "normal" to feel irritated by 10 year old boys (or girls).  It is also "normal" to correct that behaviour, part of their growing up process and learning boundaries.

I understand, Caramoole. 

2 hours ago, Winter1 said:

Hi Cora, 

If you need anyone to talk to, I'm always happy to listen

Thank you very much, @Winter1 - you are very kind! 

1 hour ago, Saffron37 said:

Congrats on such wonderful accomplishments, ThRo, and thanks for sharing them!

I agree with Saffron - thank you, ThRo!
And I'm sincerely sorry for missing your post, ThRo, I'm really sorry.