Square One

[Phili]

I have a hard bump on the roof of my mouth, on one side of the line that goes down the middle, so this is my mind
 

Omg, omg, omg, omg!
I’m dead
What if it gets bigger
Feel, feel, feel, feel
I knew this would happen
Is it a bump or part of my mouth
It’s a bump
No part of my mouth
Repeat 1000 times
It’s bigger, it’s small, it’s bigger, it’s smaller
It rises and falls, no, it goes along 
Was it there before?
Relaxes a little, I think it was, I remember something
No it wasn’t
Omg, omg omg
Dr Google
List of things it could be
C word at the bottom
Omg omg omg
Feel feel feel
Repeat from top
I’m sure I’ve worried about this before
But maybe I haven’t 
Did I?
Didn’t I?
 

i feel like I never really left square one. The more I poke it, the different it feels every time, bigger, smaller, smaller, bigger. Mouths are bumpy things, which doesn’t help this obsession, nor the fact that I have an unhealthy mouth. What can I do? 

[northpaul]

Phili, have you checked with a Doctor or Nurse to see if this lump in your mouth is something that you need to worry about?

[Phili]

I only noticed it just now. My friend gets then, she says she gets them when she eats hard boiled sweets and I’ve been eating soothers and I’m sure I’ve panicked over this before. Plus I have a huge fear of doctors and nurses

[Saffron37]

54 minutes ago, Phili said:

I only noticed it just now. My friend gets then, she says she gets them when she eats hard boiled sweets and I’ve been eating soothers and I’m sure I’ve panicked over this before. Plus I have a huge fear of doctors and nurses

It sounds like you have good awareness that it’s your OCD acting up and not an actual threat.  What do you think is more upsetting right now, worries about the bump being something bad or worries that you’re caught in yet another compulsion and will continue being anxious? 

[Phili]

7 hours ago, Saffron37 said:

It sounds like you have good awareness that it’s your OCD acting up and not an actual threat.  What do you think is more upsetting right now, worries about the bump being something bad or worries that you’re caught in yet another compulsion and will continue being anxious? 

Both, yes both but mostly the anxiety and exhaustion and compulsion of it. The misery that comes with it. Mouths are bumping things, even more so when it’s unhealthy. In truth the likelihood of the c word is extremely low and all the symptoms of the c word can also be totally harmless from patches to lumps. I don’t smoke, I drink very little and the only other course is a sexually transmitted virus, which is zero possibility but then I worry about second hand smoke which I have been assaulted with most of my life. It’s so hard 

[Phili]

I’m really struggling today, now I think there is a bump under my tongue but I’m sure it’s just a piece of skin