What is driving my Contamination OCD?!

[Lorna02]

Hi

I am new to this forum but wondered if anyone could possibly help..... 

I have lived with OCD for many years but only plucked up the courage to ask for help a few months a go. I am now speaking to a CBT therapist online as there was such a long waiting list for face to face. I suffer with intrusive thoughts and contamination OCD. We have just started to work on my contamination OCD and I am really struggling to understand why I have this fear. My therapist keeps asking me 'what would be so bad if things were contaminated' and all I can come up with is a fear of the way it makes me feel. If I touch something I believe to be contaminated, I have to wash my hands straight away or else I fear I will further contaminate everything I touch. Or I have to clean everything I believe to be contaminated for the same reason, not wanting to spread the germs further. I don't have a fear that these germs will make myself or others ill, which would probably make things easier so I can address the root cause. I just know if I don't wash my hands or clean, I feel so incredibly anxious and the fear that everything is contaminated makes me feel physically ill and I believe things can remain contaminated for a very long time. Weird I know!! My therapist keeps asking me over and over again "but what would be so bad..." and I really wish I could answer her! I know the only way to see what happens is to resist cleaning or washing my hands and hopefully after a while the anxiety will lesson, but it is driving me mad not being able to understand what my actual fear is, can it not simply be a phobia of germs and bacteria? 

Thanks in advance for any help and advice you can kindly offer me.. X

[PolarBear]

It can be frustrating trying to understand OCD. The disorder is completely illogical. It makes absolutely no sense. 

I think what is more important than discovering a root fear is working on recovery. We know how to fix OCD.

[Saffron37]

5 hours ago, Lorna02 said:

My therapist keeps asking me 'what would be so bad if things were contaminated' and all I can come up with is a fear of the way it makes me feel.

I think this is the essence of all types of OCD: the fear of how it might feel. OCD wears as many different masks as there are sufferers--that's why you see such a diverse range of topics in OCD but such similar patterns of thoughts/behaviors. The fact that you can't logically come up with a reason that contamination is so frightening--that it's all based in emotion--tells you exactly what this is (OCD) and exactly what you need to do (treat it with CBT and ERP).

[EbbieFlow]

For me it’s about clinical perfection, neatness and not ruining things.  It’s hard to explain but I constantly check, hand wash and check. And check again incase of soiling or damaging items.

its so hard to explain the fear.

[Dakagraphics-David]

The thing is that, during our lifetime, things have always been 'less than perfectly clean... Biologically, we need this to be so, as children it is part of our natural  defences building up. Another way to view is to say that our 'Good guys', need the 'Bad guys' to strengthen on. The awkward thing at present, is that in oder to combat the Covid virus, we are using antibacterials on everything, so inevitably,  some of the 'Good guys' are getting bumped off too...

David

[BelAnna]

I think it sounds like your therapist is looking for a illness-related contamination fear whereas it sounds as though for you it's the thought of knowing that something is contaminated and of thinking that objects that are contaminated are soiled, ruined, disgusting or repulsive and have the potential to contaminate other objects. Maybe you're scared of feeling very fearful, uncomfortable and disgusted? 

[GreenJet68]

I was just going to suggest what @BelAnna has written above. Maybe share this with your therapist early in your next appointment? 

In terms of understanding your fear it’s more the actions your thoughts cause than what you are thinking of in the first place, or the compulsivity of those thoughts. Even pure O is significant because of the mental compulsions it causes, so it’s not the thoughts themselves, as our minds have the ability to randomly throw unpleasant imagery at us constantly, but what you do when a thought comes along.

[Lorna02]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I find it all rather confusing, although I have lived with OCD for a very long time I have only recently started to learn all about it and what it all means. I started my therapy 3 months a go, I have an hour a week (online) and although I feel I am making some progress in regards to my intrusive thoughts, I am struggling to get on top of my contamination OCD. I am not sure how long people are in therapy for to help treat OCD, but I feel I should be further on by now. I find typing to someone online takes up more time than talking face to face, or maybe I am just a very slow learner!

I have been asked to resist the urge to wash my hands for as long as possible until a thought comes into my mind as to why I cant resist as I essentially want to break the link between the fear and the behaviour. I still think I am scared of what comes after the contamination, such as excessively cleaning, washing hands repeatedly, fear or re-contaminating everything I touch, believing that the germs/bacteria can live on surfaces for a very long time if I don't act! I feel by simply washing my hands or cleaning it will stop all the anxiety, stress and fear that follows if I don't wash or clean. I am still not sure if this is addressing the root cause though as when I have tried explaining this to my therapist it is like she wants more from me, like what I am giving is the wrong answer! 

I have actually just started with a new therapist as my other has taken leave so maybe she may understand my strange way of thinking a little more! 

[Gemma@OCDUK]

43 minutes ago, Lorna02 said:

Thank you everyone for your replies. I find it all rather confusing, although I have lived with OCD for a very long time I have only recently started to learn all about it and what it all means. I started my therapy 3 months a go, I have an hour a week (online) and although I feel I am making some progress in regards to my intrusive thoughts, I am struggling to get on top of my contamination OCD. I am not sure how long people are in therapy for to help treat OCD, but I feel I should be further on by now. I find typing to someone online takes up more time than talking face to face, or maybe I am just a very slow learner!

I have been asked to resist the urge to wash my hands for as long as possible until a thought comes into my mind as to why I cant resist as I essentially want to break the link between the fear and the behaviour. I still think I am scared of what comes after the contamination, such as excessively cleaning, washing hands repeatedly, fear or re-contaminating everything I touch, believing that the germs/bacteria can live on surfaces for a very long time if I don't act! I feel by simply washing my hands or cleaning it will stop all the anxiety, stress and fear that follows if I don't wash or clean. I am still not sure if this is addressing the root cause though as when I have tried explaining this to my therapist it is like she wants more from me, like what I am giving is the wrong answer! 

I have actually just started with a new therapist as my other has taken leave so maybe she may understand my strange way of thinking a little more! 

Hi Lorna,

It sounds like your therapist is too focussed on there being an intrusive thought, which isn't always the case. An obsession is a recurrent persistent thought, urge, image or doubt that is experienced as intrusive and unwanted and causes distress, so in other words it is not always a thought. Sometimes people go to therapy and they do rituals and have no idea why, in some cases it makes sense to not do the behaviour to find out what bothers them, but this might not help in others where what they fear is the feelings that they get.

It's possible that what you fear is that the feelings you get won't ever go away, or that you've lost control in some way, but most importantly, all you need to know is that you do compulsions because of feelings. This is a lot more common than you might think and it just happens to be that cleaning is your solution. Some people who do compulsions because of feelings order things in their home, others tap or count things. 

The aim of CBT is for you to learn that the cleaning that is your solution, has actually become the problem, and that there are much more helpful ways to deal with these feelings that don't involve cleaning

Gemma

 

 

 

[Lorna02]

Thank you 

28 minutes ago, Gemma@OCDUK said:

Hi Lorna,

It sounds like your therapist is too focussed on there being an intrusive thought, which isn't always the case. An obsession is a recurrent persistent thought, urge, image or doubt that is experienced as intrusive and unwanted and causes distress, so in other words it is not always a thought. Sometimes people go to therapy and they do rituals and have no idea why, in some cases it makes sense to not do the behaviour to find out what bothers them, but this might not help in others where what they fear is the feelings that they get.

It's possible that what you fear is that the feelings you get won't ever go away, or that you've lost control in some way, but most importantly, all you need to know is that you do compulsions because of feelings. This is a lot more common than you might think and it just happens to be that cleaning is your solution. Some people who do compulsions because of feelings order things in their home, others tap or count things. 

The aim of CBT is for you to learn that the cleaning that is your solution, has actually become the problem, and that there are much more helpful ways to deal with these feelings that don't involve cleaning

Gemma

 

28 minutes ago, Gemma@OCDUK said:

 

 

 

Edited January 13, 2022 by Lorna02

[Lorna02]

28 minutes ago, Gemma@OCDUK said:

Hi Lorna,

It sounds like your therapist is too focussed on there being an intrusive thought, which isn't always the case. An obsession is a recurrent persistent thought, urge, image or doubt that is experienced as intrusive and unwanted and causes distress, so in other words it is not always a thought. Sometimes people go to therapy and they do rituals and have no idea why, in some cases it makes sense to not do the behaviour to find out what bothers them, but this might not help in others where what they fear is the feelings that they get.

It's possible that what you fear is that the feelings you get won't ever go away, or that you've lost control in some way, but most importantly, all you need to know is that you do compulsions because of feelings. This is a lot more common than you might think and it just happens to be that cleaning is your solution. Some people who do compulsions because of feelings order things in their home, others tap or count things. 

The aim of CBT is for you to learn that the cleaning that is your solution, has actually become the problem, and that there are much more helpful ways to deal with these feelings that don't involve cleaning

Gemma

 

 

 

Thank you Gemma, this makes a lot of sense! I will definitely discuss this with my therapist tomorrow and hopefully it will help me to move forward and gradually start to gain some control again. I know it will take time, but I will do anything I can to get better! 

Thank you so much for your help and advice. X