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Oh God I was changing my toddler just now and I realized my hand was on her leg and I felt weird and pushed her leg away. Now I’m worried that the ‘feeling’ and grip was more intense as I pushed away cos it was and somehow I’ve done wrong to her. Im so distressed can anyone help please 

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Hi. 
This is a very common theme in OCD. 

What you had here was an intrusive thought - that’s all.  Just a thought. Please resist any temptation to check your child’s leg and try to resist replaying the “event”in your mind. 

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7 minutes ago, Benny said:

Hi. 
This is a very common theme in OCD. 

What you had here was an intrusive thought - that’s all.  Just a thought. Please resist any temptation to check your child’s leg and try to resist replaying the “event”in your mind. 

Hi Benny. I’m trying but I still struggle so much to see how they are just ‘thoughts’.

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Nikki you know the score on this one......and you also know how important it is to stop the compulsions, the rumination right now.  If you do it's far easier to nip this in the bud now as a blip rather than let it build and become a big problem again.

We haven't seen you for a few months.......I was only wondering how you were doing the other day.  Have things been generally improved?

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13 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Nikki you know the score on this one......and you also know how important it is to stop the compulsions, the rumination right now.  If you do it's far easier to nip this in the bud now as a blip rather than let it build and become a big problem again.

We haven't seen you for a few months.......I was only wondering how you were doing the other day.  Have things been generally improved?

Hi Caramoole! I have tears here, things have been bad the last few weeks coupled with feeling low. I had been fine for months.if it’s not momentary obsessions then it’s worrying about past events and have I harmed my child.

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54 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

 I had been fine for months

So what happened, did you just revert back from being a dangerous monster?  :no: No, it doesn't work like that.  You don't become dangerous one minute, normal and safe the next and then back again.......but you can become anxious, then better, then anxious again and start reacting to a thought.  Part of going forward is learning how to deal with these thoughts when they suddenly crop up and catch you out.  If you revert back to the old methods of compulsions and running scared, it quickly brings you down.  You have to try and be aware of the fact your OCD is playing up, that this is a false fear and then really try to resist the compulsions. :)

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In fact we have a new user, a Mum Ma29 struggling just ,like you.  Are you going to pop onto her thread (and she on yours) and tell her how dreadful you think she is?  I doubt it because you'll both see that this is someone struggling with OCD and driving themselves insane with fear.  It's worth a thought

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7 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

In fact we have a new user, a Mum Ma29 struggling just ,like you.  Are you going to pop onto her thread (and she on yours) and tell her how dreadful you think she is?  I doubt it because you'll both see that this is someone struggling with OCD and driving themselves insane with fear.  It's worth a thought

I just bawled my eyes out crying. I’m so sorry for Ma29. I really think it’s a nasty theme to have, I hope she is ok. Somehow somewhere I have to dig deep and launch myself back out of this and turn it around. It’s too painful. 

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12 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

So what happened, did you just revert back from being a dangerous monster?  :no: No, it doesn't work like that.  You don't become dangerous one minute, normal and safe the next and then back again.......but you can become anxious, then better, then anxious again and start reacting to a thought.  Part of going forward is learning how to deal with these thoughts when they suddenly crop up and catch you out.  If you revert back to the old methods of compulsions and running scared, it quickly brings you down.  You have to try and be aware of the fact your OCD is playing up, that this is a false fear and then really try to resist the compulsions. :)

Reacting to a thought…. That makes sense cos that’s what it boils down to doesn’t it? It’s brought me down quickly that’s for sure but what is the best method now? What can I do to get my old self back?

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13 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

So what happened, did you just revert back from being a dangerous monster?  :no: No, it doesn't work like that.  You don't become dangerous one minute, normal and safe the next and then back again.......but you can become anxious, then better, then anxious again and start reacting to a thought.  Part of going forward is learning how to deal with these thoughts when they suddenly crop up and catch you out.  If you revert back to the old methods of compulsions and running scared, it quickly brings you down.  You have to try and be aware of the fact your OCD is playing up, that this is a false fear and then really try to resist the compulsions. :)

My mind is screaming what if btw….I remember sitting next to my daughter and having weird thoughts and I probably was anxious too and then I worry I did something that time. If I could get peace and know I don’t have to worry that I did I could move on….

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Hey @Nikki79

I hope you’re ok. I actually stumbled across one of your old posts a couple of weeks ago because I was looking for mums with similar worries and felt for you as it’s really tough. You’re not alone - ocd latching onto my baby is the hardest thing I have gone through, and I’ve been through quite a lot recently. 

1 hour ago, Nikki79 said:

I just bawled my eyes out crying. I’m so sorry for Ma29.

Thanks Nikki, but please dont bawl your eyes out - I’m sure you do that enough already, we don’t need to shed more tears. 

1 hour ago, Nikki79 said:

My mind is screaming what if btw

This is one of my issues and the ocd loves to question everything I do or don’t do should I say. I walk past my baby and get worried thinking ‘what if my hand touched him’ and I’m just walking past him looking straight ahead it’s virtually impossible for me to touch him intentionally on his nappy area (as that’s a fear of mine) but somehow ocd distorts my reality and if I’m not careful makes me believe I have done something awful. I’ve had many many of what if thoughts over the last 2 months and have at times convinced myself I’ve done awful things. Today was a good day for me. I got the thoughts but paid them less attention and yes it is very anxiety provoking but if I sit with the anxiety and fear as @Caramoolehas always advised me to do so, it does eventually go down and I can then later on see that it was the ocd. 

 

1 hour ago, Nikki79 said:

If I could get peace and know I don’t have to worry that I did I could move on….

I get it. I really really do. I’ve been there and am there every few hours. Again, try not to pay attention - it’s another thought, just a thought. You would know if you did anything just as you know what you ate for dinner if I was to ask you that. That’s what I try to remind myself of. I have a tendency to say ‘I just don’t remember’ and it’s always because there is nothing to remember. 

I’m here for support if you ever need it or want to talk. I think support is really important, it’s also nice to just speak about other things too - non ocd related to refocus your attention on something else!  You can send me a private message me on this forum if you wish (I think you should be able to). 

 

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11 hours ago, Ma29 said:

Hey @Nikki79

I hope you’re ok. I actually stumbled across one of your old posts a couple of weeks ago because I was looking for mums with similar worries and felt for you as it’s really tough. You’re not alone - ocd latching onto my baby is the hardest thing I have gone through, and I’ve been through quite a lot recently. 

Thanks Nikki, but please dont bawl your eyes out - I’m sure you do that enough already, we don’t need to shed more tears. 

This is one of my issues and the ocd loves to question everything I do or don’t do should I say. I walk past my baby and get worried thinking ‘what if my hand touched him’ and I’m just walking past him looking straight ahead it’s virtually impossible for me to touch him intentionally on his nappy area (as that’s a fear of mine) but somehow ocd distorts my reality and if I’m not careful makes me believe I have done something awful. I’ve had many many of what if thoughts over the last 2 months and have at times convinced myself I’ve done awful things. Today was a good day for me. I got the thoughts but paid them less attention and yes it is very anxiety provoking but if I sit with the anxiety and fear as @Caramoolehas always advised me to do so, it does eventually go down and I can then later on see that it was the ocd. 

 

I get it. I really really do. I’ve been there and am there every few hours. Again, try not to pay attention - it’s another thought, just a thought. You would know if you did anything just as you know what you ate for dinner if I was to ask you that. That’s what I try to remind myself of. I have a tendency to say ‘I just don’t remember’ and it’s always because there is nothing to remember. 

I’m here for support if you ever need it or want to talk. I think support is really important, it’s also nice to just speak about other things too - non ocd related to refocus your attention on something else!  You can send me a private message me on this forum if you wish (I think you should be able to). 

 

Thank you for the post I really appreciate it.   I am sorry you have to go through this but we must realize it’s all OCD and not something we need to think on or give time no matter how it screams at us. Thinking of you Xxx

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I’m still really bothered by the fact I worry did I do what I fear I did in this hazy memory I have. What do I need to do here? How can I move on from this?

it’s like the more I think on it the more it feels something happened aswell as having that thought aswell that it really might have. 

Edited by Nikki79
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Hey Nikki,

Obviously I’m no expert in this and I’ms still in my relapse mode BUT I still want to try and help others going through this when I can.   

Take a step back and just look at the compulsions you are carrying out. Re assurance is one of them for sure but what else ? How are you giving this ‘thing’ attention? I have and do the same and it’s not good for us at all. 

When I get a thought /feeling / image I try to do the 4 Rs:- relabel - this thought is due to the OCD I suffer from. Re attribute - which is due to a chemical imbalance in my brain. Re focus - do something else as soon as you get the thought - I find it helpful to do some cleaning if I can or watch a YouTube video, or scroll through Instagram and then revalue your original thought as whatever you like - I like to use the term garbage/ B.S ect. 
 

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19 minutes ago, Ma29 said:

Hey Nikki,

Obviously I’m no expert in this and I’ms still in my relapse mode BUT I still want to try and help others going through this when I can.   

Take a step back and just look at the compulsions you are carrying out. Re assurance is one of them for sure but what else ? How are you giving this ‘thing’ attention? I have and do the same and it’s not good for us at all. 

When I get a thought /feeling / image I try to do the 4 Rs:- relabel - this thought is due to the OCD I suffer from. Re attribute - which is due to a chemical imbalance in my brain. Re focus - do something else as soon as you get the thought - I find it helpful to do some cleaning if I can or watch a YouTube video, or scroll through Instagram and then revalue your original thought as whatever you like - I like to use the term garbage/ B.S ect. 
 

But Ma29 all I have in my head is did I do what I fear? And then I have images of it etc that seem real. Do you know what I mean?

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8 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

But Ma29 all I have in my head is did I do what I fear? And then I have images of it etc that seem real. Do you know what I mean?

Yes of course I know what you mean as I’m going through the same thing. 

Just for a second, imagine yourself opening your front door right now or eating your favourite food and tell me what you get - do you see an image in your head ?

This is what happens when we ruminate - each time we think about what we fear and go over and over something, there is a chance you’re going to get a mental image - it’s just an image, treat it as you treat your ocd thoughts. 

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8 minutes ago, Ma29 said:

Yes of course I know what you mean as I’m going through the same thing. 

Just for a second, imagine yourself opening your front door right now or eating your favourite food and tell me what you get - do you see an image in your head ?

This is what happens when we ruminate - each time we think about what we fear and go over and over something, there is a chance you’re going to get a mental image - it’s just an image, treat it as you treat your ocd thoughts. 

Yes I got an image and I understand that repeated images and feelings don’t mean anything.

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I didn’t see it from this perspective either and if anything I thought having an image means it MUST have happened or it increases the possibility  - then my therapist asked me to imagine myself opening my front door and she asked me what I see - to which I replied, an image of me opening the door :D. 

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6 minutes ago, Ma29 said:

I didn’t see it from this perspective either and if anything I thought having an image means it MUST have happened or it increases the possibility  - then my therapist asked me to imagine myself opening my front door and she asked me what I see - to which I replied, an image of me opening the door :D. 

It’s really important not to take them seriously isn’t it? It’s so disappointing when we relapse. Are you on any meds? Mine seem to have stopped working.

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