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Ocd wierd dream and problem with feelings


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I had a dream two days ago, I was sitting ona dirty floor in some kind of toilet and I was looking at some web Pages to do a compulsion in my dream then I remember someone I know, a guy who is a bit dirty, takes drugs and drink and shouts around my neighbourhood when he’s high. He was in that dream and He approached me and then I remember someone kissed me in the neck twice and I felt this feeling like it was my girlfriend or some relative and I suddenly realised it was him, I started to feel shame and irritation mixed with anxiety why did I feel this way when it was him ! And began to do compulsion in a dream and this happened but no kissing to my neck just blowing air, and I felt tingling feeling amd shame so I thought him that he’s funny and felt shame and I didn’t won’t this guy to be near me I felt anxious and shameful. When I woke up I was ruminating all day and even took pill for anxiety. I can still image this feeling when he did that in my dream and this makes me anxious.

Is this normal to feel this feeling like someone close for example my girlfriend or mom was doing that to me ? Is this just a standard feeling when someone would kiss me in the neck ? 
 

I feel shame, anxiety and hopeless that this means I’m not straight. Plus the guy is Disgusting 

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Hi Thomas

when I do my checking compulsions sometimes I feel like I like it and it sends me down a spiral of anxiety and torment which is further propelled by rumination. Do you get these feelings if you test yourself by thinking about it? I do, it's horrible. I think it's part of OCD but I don't know. I honestly don't.

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Hi Thomas,

I won't be making a habit of doing this, but at the risk of giving you reassurance...if you're spending so much of your day caught up with intrusive thoughts around being gay and carrying out compulsions in response to them...it stands to reason they might appear in your dreams. 

1 hour ago, ThomasOCD said:

When I woke up I was ruminating all day...

That's really the problem here rather than the content of the dream and the feelings you think you felt within it....

1 hour ago, ThomasOCD said:

Is this normal to feel this feeling like someone close for example my girlfriend or mom was doing that to me ? Is this just a standard feeling when someone would kiss me in the neck ? 

....That's the question you really need to work at refusing to answer. I know it's so difficult, but you need to try and leave it alone in spite of the doubt and anxiety. How would feel about setting yourself a target to hold-off ruminating until ten tonight?

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