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Will these disgusting thoughts and feelings go away if I beat the OCD?


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I'm terrified that once the anxiety goes I'll actually be into this horrible fetish. That I'll become ok with it. Please can someone tell me if it will go away? I don't want to live like that, I hate it but I get groinals and feelings when i test myself and it's making me believe I'm in denial or just prolonging the truth coming out and I will actually like it. I wish it would stop

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My Great Grandmother had a saying that was "You can wish in one hand and sh&t in the other and see which fills up the fastest!!"  Sadly all the wishing in the World won't make it stop, only doing will.  Until you start the jouney of trying to follow the suggestions that have been made, this will stick around and worry you.  It's been explained that compulsions won't help but will worsen the situation.  If tweny people post below me saying "Yes, it will go away" y.ou'll be back tomorrow saying "Yes, but how can I be sure?  Can someone just promise me this will stop?"  I know it's horrible but so is living like this.  You have nothing to lose by trying to change the approach

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I would rather suffer with the torment that I do now than ever accept that. I can't live with the possibility of me wanting/liking this fetish. If recovery of OCD means I will have the fetish then I do not want to go down that path. I will not allow my life to get to a point where I accept it as something I like. At least I can leave with my honour and self-respect intact. 

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11 minutes ago, FlyingRocket said:

If recovery of OCD means I will have the fetish then I do not want to go down that path.

Where did you get that from Caramoole's response? ?

32 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

It's been explained that compulsions won't help but will worsen the situation.  If tweny people post below me saying "Yes, it will go away" y.ou'll be back tomorrow saying "Yes, but how can I be sure?  Can someone just promise me this will stop?" 

This is the part to pay attention to. You're engaging in the compulsion of reassurance-seeking. Enabling it for you would be the opposite of helpful. :( 

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I know @Caramoole didn't directly say that. It's just that I imagine slowly becoming ok with the thoughts and then the groinals stay and then I would become to like the thoughts and then just want to do it in real life. It goes against my moral values but for some reason it has latched onto me like a parasite. The fact that it's not just groinals but now it's turned to me feeling like I like the videos make me truly believe I'm in denial. I know you wont reassure me on that, but I believe that now.

15 minutes ago, Saffron37 said:

This is the part to pay attention to. You're engaging in the compulsion of reassurance-seeking. Enabling it for you would be the opposite of helpful. :( 

I understand, but sometimes when I get reassured I become fine for like a week but then I do stupid things like 'oh let's just test myself' and then I come back to ruminating after the test produced unfavourable results.

Edited by FlyingRocket
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1 minute ago, FlyingRocket said:

I know @Caramoole didn't directly say that. It's just that I imagine slowly becoming ok with the thoughts and then the groinals stay and then I would become to like the thoughts and turn to like it. It goes against my moral values but for some reason it has latched onto me like a parasite. 

Yes, it's just that you imagine......or more accurately, you ruminate and your OCD brain winds itself up and up until you add 2 + 2 together and come up with 25!!  

7 minutes ago, FlyingRocket said:

I understand, but sometimes when I get reassured I become fine for like a week

That's not in line with our aims and objectives, to provide brief reassuring fixes, to assist you with compulsions, ensuring you'll stay so troubled

10 minutes ago, FlyingRocket said:

but then I do stupid things like 'oh let's just test myself' and then I come back to ruminating after the test produced unfavourable results.

And that's why we don't go down this reassurance route because it simply doesn't and won't work

In your earlier threads there have been detailed explanations about your obsessions, about how you are affected and taunted by this fear because of OCD and what steps you can start to take to gradually make changes.  But along with that is the advice about compulsions, how they maintain your OCD and keep you in this place of panic and fear.

What changes are you going to try Rocket?  It's no good floating along, just about existing....you have to make a plan to make changes to your reactions and behaviours.  Sit down and write a list of each and every compulsion you do at the moment and then we can start to work to reduce them :)

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26 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

In your earlier threads there have been detailed explanations about your obsessions, about how you are affected and taunted by this fear because of OCD 

I completely understand that OCD is making me feel terrible and anxious about the subject, but I just don't believe OCD can make me feel like I like it. I feel like if I ever get cured of OCD or not cured that was a bad term but maybe move on from my obsession and not worry about it anymore, I will be left with the fetish - no longer worrying about it and will enjoy it. You don't understand how deeply it goes against my morals. I hate the idea of it, I hate the people that participate in it I just hate it- but when I check it sends me insane like I'm beginning to like the very thing I hate- becoming the very thing I hate. 

I'm sorry @Caramoole, I know you trying to help me understand OCD must feel like filling up a cup with a hole at the bottom- but I just don't fully grasp OCD can do these things- No not even grasp, I simply don't believe it. Like I said I understand OCD is just making me worry about it, but what if it's just all catastrophizing? 

27 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

What changes are you going to try Rocket?  It's no good floating along, just about existing....you have to make a plan to make changes to your reactions and behaviours.  Sit down and write a list of each and every compulsion you do at the moment and then we can start to work to reduce them :)

It's hard to write down all the compulsions, because sometimes I'm still discovering I do compulsions I didn't even know about. Sometimes I have to clean my bathroom like because I get a bad thought (not about the sexual obsession). I do a lot of handwashing. Sometimes I cry thinking about the sexual obsession, I don't know if that's a compulsion. I test myself with videos, come here for reassurance. A lot of rumination, this is the main one.

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15 minutes ago, FlyingRocket said:

but I just don't fully grasp OCD can do these things- No not even grasp, I simply don't believe it.

:no: You don't, you don't grasp it at all yet.  That's not a criticism , that's the power that OCD can hold over us and keep us down that dark hole.  You don't believe it because you can't "feel" it, all you feel is fear.......but you won't "feel" reassured or believe it until you start to make changes to your reactions and the compulsions.  We often hope and hope that we'll get that one piece of reassurance that will make something go "click" and then we'll be able to move forward......but that moment doesn't come.....instead we have to hold our nose, shut our eye's and jump.....not knowing or trusting what's below, it's scary.

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t's hard to write down all the compulsions, because sometimes I'm still discovering I do compulsionsI

No procrastination.  Just keep a pen and paper near by, write the ones that come to mind and then keep adding as you remember or identify one.

There is a way out of this but you've got to start the journey :)

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7 hours ago, FlyingRocket said:

I completely understand that OCD is making me feel terrible and anxious about the subject, but I just don't believe OCD can make me feel like I like it. I feel like if I ever get cured of OCD or not cured that was a bad term but maybe move on from my obsession and not worry about it anymore, I will be left with the fetish - no longer worrying about it and will enjoy it. You don't understand how deeply it goes against my morals. I hate the idea of it, I hate the people that participate in it I just hate it- but when I check it sends me insane like I'm beginning to like the very thing I hate- becoming the very thing I hate. 

I'm sorry @Caramoole, I know you trying to help me understand OCD must feel like filling up a cup with a hole at the bottom- but I just don't fully grasp OCD can do these things- No not even grasp, I simply don't believe it. Like I said I understand OCD is just making me worry about it, but what if it's just all catastrophizing? 

It's hard to write down all the compulsions, because sometimes I'm still discovering I do compulsions I didn't even know about. Sometimes I have to clean my bathroom like because I get a bad thought (not about the sexual obsession). I do a lot of handwashing. Sometimes I cry thinking about the sexual obsession, I don't know if that's a compulsion. I test myself with videos, come here for reassurance. A lot of rumination, this is the main one.

It's not your fault, but you don't understand OCD. Talk to Cora, who is convinced she 'likes' thoughts of abusing people and dogs.

 

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