Self Fulfilling Prophecies

[Ma29]

Hello, 

Keen to know everyone’s take on OCD sufferers like me making self fulfilling prophecies / rules for themselves. These prophecies that are SO hard not to do and therefore we are actually setting ourselves up for failure. Furthermore contributing to the negative impact ocd can have on us because of the belief we put in these rules ect. Mostly talking about myself here and not assuming everyone with ocd does this. 

I had never heard of the term in an ocd context but when i read about it , it makes sense. I’ve decided myself that I must not do the following when I’m with the baby and if I do then that makes me a bad person :— 

• Move my hips

• Flinch a muscle 

•Twitch

• Breath a certain way

• Move if the baby is on my chest 

• My hands must not move when I’m holding the baby around his nappy area or bottom

• I must stay completely still Anyone is around me and I must not dare move

These are just some examples. Can anyone relate to this? 

This morning I got up to do my babys feed and was paranoid about my hips moving and what happens, as soon as I give the baby his bottle, my hips move. The baby falls asleep whilst I’m burping him and he’s on my chest. Ocd draws attention to his nappy area and any movement on my tummy is bad such as breathing in and out - a muscle flinch, all while I’m sitting there thinking I don’t care he’s my son, I’m not doing him any harm - trying to be anti ocd - I don’t care if my tummy moves I don’t care if my muscle flinches ect. However later I then feel bad for these tiny tiny actions but the thing is it’s my ocd that’s triggering everything off. 

Make sense?

[ocdjonesy]

My therapist tells me the same thing.  And she's right.  By saying something like 'I'm not going to move my hips when I am xyz' you are setting up conditions for yourself which you will fail because moving your hips is something you are going to do in the normal course of moving from one place to another or even just standing still.  The human body moves.  By setting yourself that sort of condition you put yourself in a no win situation/ set yourself up to fail and also sensitise yourself to the sensation of movement so that when you do it you immediately notice and then the OCD spirals from there.  

Hence it's a self fulfilling prophecy - setting yourself up to notice something means you are going to notice it.  Likewise imposing rigid rules that no-one on earth is going to be able to follow that you then base your self worth etc on is only going to leave you feeling bad about yourself.  None of the things you have listed in your post have any bearing on your worth as person or your performance as a mother.  They're, as the saying goes, just thoughts and trying so hard to argue with them and reason them out is, while understandable (because this is my biggest thing by far so I totally get where you are right now) only adding to your burden.

 

 

Edited March 1, 2022 by ocdjonesy

[Caramoole]

The list you've written above, your determinations of what constitutes abuse, in real terms is nonsense to anyone else reading it.  That's not to say your "OCD" doesn't make you feel this to be fact but it's not the truth.  This is the distorted view of someone with a well-defined mental health condition.  Does it become a self-fulfilling prophecy? Absolutely!  Unless you sit motionless or have no contact with your child, you will find yourself guilty.  The only real risk is that your baby is missing the vital, nurturing relationship with his Mother.

But we've already established this before.  We know what the problem is.  The next phase is what are you going to do about it?  You have the explanations about OCD and how it affects the sufferer.  Your therapist has assured you of this and outlined the steps to try and work on to move forward........so you have to be focussing on how you handle these feelings of doubt and panic when the fear washes over you.

[Saffron37]

3 hours ago, Ma29 said:

• Move my hips

• Flinch a muscle 

•Twitch

• Breath a certain way

• Move if the baby is on my chest 

• My hands must not move when I’m holding the baby around his nappy area or bottom

• I must stay completely still Anyone is around me and I must not dare move

These are just some examples. Can anyone relate to this? 

This is a self-fulfilling prophecy because your list of rules basically boils down to "be a statue and not a person with a living body." I mean, don't move your hands? Don't flinch a muscle or breathe a certain way? You may as well ask yourself to be a robot. And your baby needs a mum, not a piece of metal!

Caramoole's right--you know what the problem is, the question is what you're going to do about it now. I know it's really tough. I'm struggling with it myself. But it's still the only way forward.