Advice for dealing with real event ocd

[cg1]

Try to find ways to deal with real event ocd, recently went through a breakup with someone who I loved very much but they didn't want us anymore, despite her telling me she still loves me, I got desperate and wouldn't stop sending her paragraphs and essays, song lyrics asking her not to push me out of her life, about how much I love her ect, tried to call her twice (I asked first) and once I missed her so much I called for 4 rings. nothing threating or bad was said in the messages I told her I was going through treatment for my OCD and it hurt that she walked away when I was struggling and how I didn't when she was in the past year she took it as my trying to manipulate her into getting back with me I wasn't trying to come across that way I just couldn't understand how she cared yesterday and all of a sudden didn't she was my best friend, I'm completely heartbroken, I just wouldn't leave her alone. She got fed up after 3 weeks of messaging every 3 days or so, and her dad text me and threatened legal action. After I sent her a text saying I hope we can be friends and how it feels like I'm morning someone who has died.

I have an obsession that she had crashed her car, and I feel a compulsion to reach out and check she's alive, even though it would get me in a lot of trouble, she knows I have OCD but never understood it I don't think.

I feel like a threat to women and have planned suicide, I don't know if it's OCD now or if I'm a narraccist and a evil person. 

I feel so guilty about hurting her and making the breakup more difficult for her. It must have been really possessive and creepy, I don't want her to remember me this way, I had a complete mental breakdown after and ended up in a crisis center. I'm waiting to see some people currently, I just don't feel like I deserve to try and get better.

[cg1]

I never meant to hurt her but am now unsure if I'm a evil person who enjoys doing this to people 

[ecomum]

I have real life ocd too. I think people without ocd would say , 'I reacted  to a break up ' and leave it at that. But we go over and over it. Splitting up.is hard and that  with ocd is hard. Be kind to yourself.  Get busy and distracted , it's the best way I have found to beat real life ocd . It will pass.

[Summer9173]

It doesn’t really sound to me like you’ve done anything wrong, especially since the breakup was very unexpected and your suffering with your OCD at the moment too. Breakups really can tip people over the edge and you won’t be thinking straight, I think her Father was very insensitive however and I don’t think that was very nice. A couple of friends I know they’ve bombarded their exes with messages even after the breakup many times “ why would you do this to me” etc, which led them on a path to destruction involving drugs and getting off with multiple people unfortunately. With me and my breakup in the past I tried to make him so jealous I ended up looking so stupid in front of people. What I’m trying to say is, we all act not ourselves after a breakup (unless it was mutual of course)

I know it’s so difficult but in this healing process you really need to try and avoid seeing her everywhere as much as possible like on Instagram or Snapchat or even tiktok etc. What I did was I made myself a new Snapchat account if you use that as your main line of communication, try to avoid social media where you can’t see what she’s up too, I deleted the apps off my phone and I set myself a period of 4 weeks to do so to lay in bed cry scream cry again, speak to therapists etc, you’d rather be hurting that way then hurting and watching them on social media get on with their lives….. trust me it’s more heartbreaking and the healing process will just take longer  

She probably feels extremely guilty and that’s why she’s not being to nice In her replies, but it just shows that you deserve so much better!! I’m affected by this too but love truly is blind unfortunately, we accept things we never would have in the past, we love without getting that unconditional love back because love truly is like a drug. 
I hope you get through this period forgiving yourself as we all mess up especially after a breakup. I’m the type to make them jealous because my heads going on rather than my heart which needs to recover. 

 

 

  

[cg1]

A huge thank you to you both for replying, it means the world had a session with the therapist I'm seeing right now, it helped a lot, it's hard to believe you deserve the help your receiving when you feel like you hurt someone even though I got left. 

 

I really do wish her all the best in life, and I'm trying to learn how to want the same for my self, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who acted out of turn after a breakup.

I've cut off the commication, it's a bit frustrating it came to this as I knew I was going to behave out of turn with how I was feeling, and with my ocd, I asked her to block me as I couldn't trust my self but for whatever reason it didn't happen.

Sad I ruined a potential friendship really.

But feeling like maybe I don't deserve to die