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I don't know what's going on, I don't understand. I have times when I feel fine (I haven't gone into treatment yet or anything) and I'm afraid that means I don't really have OCD. I feel like I'm being consumed by my "true form", I want to die but I don't have the courage and I feel like that also means I was actually in denial. I just want to cry and hug my mom until this is all over. I don't know if it's because I don't understand how all this works. I feel like I don't care anymore if I'm like this or not, but I always end up thinking about it. I want to live a calm life, I don't want to become a monster. I was so sure this was OCD and now I feel like I'm turning into a monster.

 

Everything is so annoying, I want to cry until the end of my existence. I never wanted this, it's like living in a nightmare.

It all came out of nowhere. Why is this happening to me? I can't die because it would make my mom suffer. I am angry for being like this. I know that not feeling anxious is another symptom of OCD, but I can't help but think that I'm the exception. Maybe I'm a monster and I need to get away from everyone so I don't hurt anyone. I can't even trust myself anymore.

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I have felt exactly like you. Ocd causes us to feel like we are the exception. If it didn't we could just stop worrying because we would know it was ocd and not real. 

I allowed myself to cry and hug etc. I would call it allowing myself to have a bad day. Lots of self care , just forget about tasks etc for that day. Then I got practical, went to drs, got self help books etc. Now I still have moments like this but I manage them way better and they are much shorter and pass quicker.

I call ocd a wolf and when it attacks I say 'oh look the wolves are running again"  helps me to fight it.

Hope this helps you anthu

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10 hours ago, ecomum said:

I have felt exactly like you. Ocd causes us to feel like we are the exception. If it didn't we could just stop worrying because we would know it was ocd and not real. 

I allowed myself to cry and hug etc. I would call it allowing myself to have a bad day. Lots of self care , just forget about tasks etc for that day. Then I got practical, went to drs, got self help books etc. Now I still have moments like this but I manage them way better and they are much shorter and pass quicker.

I call ocd a wolf and when it attacks I say 'oh look the wolves are running again"  helps me to fight it.

Hope this helps you anthu

Thanks for your answer! Yes, it is very frustrating to go through all this. Thanks for your recommendation, it helps to know that we are not alone in this.

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