Worried about not being anxious

[anthu]

I know I should let it go, but I don't understand why I don't feel anxious anymore. Before I couldn't stop being anxious and distress, but now it's not the same. Is it normal? These last few days I have been calmer but that worries me because I shouldn't be like this when I have these kinds of thoughts/images/doubts in my head.

I just want to forget about all this. I tell myself that eventually this will pass and that I'm not a monster but it's hard to believe. I've been talking to my mom about my plans for the future (next year) but I can't help but feel uncomfortable because I feel like I'm minimizing this issue.

[Juliex]

It's ok not to feel anxious, even with all kinds of thoughts, images and doubts in your head.  Questioning whether it is is still part of ocd, checking whether it is, is a compulsion.  Better to stick with 'I don't feel anxious, perhaps I should, but I don't, maybe that says something odd / bad about me, perhaps it does.'  And then get on with your day.  

[anthu]

4 minutes ago, Juliex said:

It's ok not to feel anxious, even with all kinds of thoughts, images and doubts in your head.  Questioning whether it is is still part of ocd, checking whether it is, is a compulsion.  Better to stick with 'I don't feel anxious, perhaps I should, but I don't, maybe that says something odd / bad about me, perhaps it does.'  And then get on with your day.  

I know I should be doing that, but how? It feels like I'm letting pass something important.

Edited March 9, 2022 by anthu

[Juliex]

I think then you continue accepting the uncertainty.  'Perhaps I'm letting pass something important, maybe I am, maybe . ..........will happen because I'm not dealing with this,' etc

I really like Jonathan Grayson for this kind of approach.

[Mcbehan]

5 hours ago, anthu said:

I know I should let it go, but I don't understand why I don't feel anxious anymore. Before I couldn't stop being anxious and distress, but now it's not the same. Is it normal? These last few days I have been calmer but that worries me because I shouldn't be like this when I have these kinds of thoughts/images/doubts in my head. 

I've had the same worries lately, the things that used to really alarm me don't as much anymore and I'm trying to look at it this way (which I think might help you.) 

I've seen in a lot of my reading up on ocd that over time it is possible that you won't feel that same level of anxiety as you initially felt to the thoughts when they first kicked in. I have this and I just tell myself that it's not because I actually like the thoughts (which is what my brain wants me to do) but it's because I've grown tired of them over time and that my coping mechanisms are working. The worry of not being anxious enough I treat as an obsessional thought same as any other. 

At the end of the day it appears to me that one of the main goals of therapy is to bring your anxiety levels down, not to stop the thoughts. If you've managed to achieve this then you should continue doing whatever you're doing to keep working at it. 

I know it's hard, I've been really fighting these sorts of things too lately, but as has already been said I think we all have to try and accept we can't get certainty. Maybe we are both not worrying when we should be, maybe we aren't, but we have no way of knowing so we just have to try our best to let it go. 

[anthu]

21 minutes ago, Mcbehan said:

I've had the same worries lately, the things that used to really alarm me don't as much anymore and I'm trying to look at it this way (which I think might help you.) 

I've seen in a lot of my reading up on ocd that over time it is possible that you won't feel that same level of anxiety as you initially felt to the thoughts when they first kicked in. I have this and I just tell myself that it's not because I actually like the thoughts (which is what my brain wants me to do) but it's because I've grown tired of them over time and that my coping mechanisms are working. The worry of not being anxious enough I treat as an obsessional thought same as any other. 

At the end of the day it appears to me that one of the main goals of therapy is to bring your anxiety levels down, not to stop the thoughts. If you've managed to achieve this then you should continue doing whatever you're doing to keep working at it. 

I know it's hard, I've been really fighting these sorts of things too lately, but as has already been said I think we all have to try and accept we can't get certainty. Maybe we are both not worrying when we should be, maybe we aren't, but we have no way of knowing so we just have to try our best to let it go. 

Hello. Thanks for answering! The problem with me is that I have not entered a treatment itself, tomorrow is the second appointment I have with my therapist, that is why I am concerned about not feeling anxious or distress. But thanks, it helps a bit.

Edited March 9, 2022 by anthu

[anthu]

I'm confused. As I said before, I can't help but think that I'm lying to myself since I don't feel anxiety anymore. I worry about this every day, I know it's going to sound selfish but I would like to feel at least a little physical discomfort. The only thing I experience is anger, some disgust and a disgusted face. I get up and live a relatively normal life (although I don't feel very animated). I feel guilty but I feel like it's not enough guilt. I don't wanna end up being a monster. Never.

[Jen_90]

From what you have said, it very much does sound like you are feeling anxiety! I used to worry my anxiety wasn't the 'right kind'. I didn't have the physical symptoms that text books would talk about. I think the lesson here is that everyone is different and so we will experience OCD in different ways.

One of the reasons I was reluctant to start medication was that I was worried I would no longer feel guilty for things I should feel guilty about. I spoke about this with my therapist and she managed to reason with me and I eventually started on sertraline. I've taken it for a couple of years now and it was probably the best thing I've ever done.

Basically, I can empathise with your experience however it is OCD and you (like everyone else) deserves to live life without anxiety and guilt. OCD is just very sneaky and finds clever ways of undermining any progress you might have made. It will always look for loopholes ('but maybe it's not OCD' or 'maybe I deserve to feel this guilty') and that's why seeking support (if you haven't already) is so important.

[ThomasOCD]

I have the same problem, but being anxious because of not having anxiety is still anxiety. The more you are trying to feel anxiety the less you are going to feel it, but you are still having anxiety. Also there is a cognitive bias, that anxiety means you don't want or don't like something.  You don't need to feel anxiety to know you hate something. For example I hate onions but if you show me an onion I'm not supposed to feel anxiety, but dislike to know I don't like it and I won't eat it. Same goes with intrusive thought, images, sensations etc. You know you don't like it and don't want to act on them, you don't need anxiety to prove that.

[anthu]

15 minutes ago, ThomasOCD said:

I have the same problem, but being anxious because of not having anxiety is still anxiety. The more you are trying to feel anxiety the less you are going to feel it, but you are still having anxiety. Also there is a cognitive bias, that anxiety means you don't want or don't like something.  You don't need to feel anxiety to know you hate something. For example I hate onions but if you show me an onion I'm not supposed to feel anxiety, but dislike to know I don't like it and I won't eat it. Same goes with intrusive thought, images, sensations etc. You know you don't like it and don't want to act on them, you don't need anxiety to prove that.

Thanks for your answer! It really help me understand this, thanks.

[anthu]

 

3 hours ago, Jen_90 said:

From what you have said, it very much does sound like you are feeling anxiety! I used to worry my anxiety wasn't the 'right kind'. I didn't have the physical symptoms that text books would talk about. I think the lesson here is that everyone is different and so we will experience OCD in different ways.

One of the reasons I was reluctant to start medication was that I was worried I would no longer feel guilty for things I should feel guilty about. I spoke about this with my therapist and she managed to reason with me and I eventually started on sertraline. I've taken it for a couple of years now and it was probably the best thing I've ever done.

Basically, I can empathise with your experience however it is OCD and you (like everyone else) deserves to live life without anxiety and guilt. OCD is just very sneaky and finds clever ways of undermining any progress you might have made. It will always look for loopholes ('but maybe it's not OCD' or 'maybe I deserve to feel this guilty') and that's why seeking support (if you haven't already) is so important.

Thanks for answering! It helps me to know that we are not alone in this. Yes, today is my second appointment with my psychologist. I'm glad that you feel better now!

[Caramoole]

It is a state called habituation which means that you've sat with anxiety until you've got used to it.  This is a stage that we're looking for in recovery.  Hopefully your Psychologist will help you to build on this and look at the other cognitive issues that you need to work on.  This is a good thing, don't worry

[anthu]

25 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

It is a state called habituation which means that you've sat with anxiety until you've got used to it.  This is a stage that we're looking for in recovery.  Hopefully your Psychologist will help you to build on this and look at the other cognitive issues that you need to work on.  This is a good thing, don't worry

You think? The anxiety slowly went away. As I said before, today is my second appointment with the specialist, so I don't know