Jump to content

ordered nembutal today so saying goodbye for good


Recommended Posts

1 hour ago, Just A said:

Josiah10 my therapist and doctor both said hitting his head hard from a height or his body length away from table he would of had damage and would be a hospital visit but I can't get the image out of my head it's hard when I can't remember I know I did 2 small taps but no way that would hurt him I was told

See his mum and gran noticed nothing no damage or they would have said

That's because you didn't damage him. Deep down you know that. I had thoughts of hurting my baby. It's all part of ocd as you must already know.

Link to comment
  • Replies 62
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • 2 weeks later...
On 09/04/2022 at 20:18, MarieJo said:

That's because you didn't damage him. Deep down you know that. I had thoughts of hurting my baby. It's all part of ocd as you must already know.

I am leaving I am to scared and alone my gran died my dad died I suffered from bullying all my life I was beaten and mentally abused my young life and this day all came to a height and I panicked and did two small taps on table with his head in just don't understand why but the 3 rd was a tad harder and I panicked no intention of hurting him that's the truth so tonight been in tears my mum is being me not to end my life but I can't live anymore with this in my head I am sorry but I need to end my life as I have turned into a monster from a gentle giant God bless you goodbye

Link to comment

How are you feeling this evening, Just A? Have you reached out to talk to anyone in person about feeling suicidal? Maybe the Samaritans? Or is there a friend or family member you can confide in?

Link to comment

I don't give a **** about me now I deserve death Look I never Eva wanted to hurt him when he was a baby so two small taps on a coffee table and he cried and I was in some kind of state I can't remember the 3rd hit my ocd says I slammed his head hard but doctor and therapist says if that had happened he would of been ill seriously ill and in hospital nothing like that happened I was so sick and tired of my life all I knew was heartache and pain and all came to a head and I snapped but I swear I did not intend to hurt him I saw a pic of him 20 years later and my mum says he looks fine and I need to end the suicide talk but the pain inside me is to hard to bear I love in a room 7' by 7' never leave the house and just waiting for the door to be knocked on and I will be gone 

Link to comment

JustA, we've been through this many times now and you are still locked in your obsessive thinking, ignoring the truth that there is nothing to feel guilty about.

Please do as we suggest and seek support, either at your local hospital or from someone who can be there in person with you.

I'm sorry, but we can't allow you to continue using the forum to declare suicidal intent. It's unfair on other forum users who have OCD issues of their own.

We're here to support you if you want to talk things through, but if all you say is you're going to end your life I will be forced to remove this thread.

 

 

Link to comment

There is no need to not use the forum, you are among people who understand more than most.  All we ask is you try and take a little care about the statements you're making because they will cause a lot if concern to other sufferers.  That doesn't mean people aren't here to help.  What help are you having (or have had) recently?

Link to comment

You did not hurt him. 
 

this is OCD

 

This is what it does!

 

People with OCD are good people!

we don’t want to hurt anyone. 
that’s how ocd works it picks up on this. 
 

be kind to yourself. 
 

call Mind if you feel in this state again. 
 

I called them everyday one week. 
they are there to help you.

crisis are also extremely good. There are people out there who can help you. 
just got to find them. 
 

Link to comment
12 minutes ago, Just A said:

When the doctors and therapist and family told me he would be very ill if the hard hit happened so should I believe them

We’ll look at it like this. 
a doctor who doesn’t know either of you personally. And I’m guessing at least 2 family members possibly more have said the same thing. 
they can’t all be wrong. 
This person is of adult age and not suffered any brain damage. 
so put it to bed. You are only hurting yourself. 

Link to comment
Just now, KaTiee said:

We’ll look at it like this. 
a doctor who doesn’t know either of you personally. And I’m guessing at least 2 family members possibly more have said the same thing. 
they can’t all be wrong. 
This person is of adult age and not suffered any brain damage. 
so put it to bed. You are only hurting yourself. 

Also lots of people accidentally bang babies heads. Gosh I did getting them in and out the car seats 😳 they’re pretty hard! 
the actual thing you are worrying about is whether you are capable of doing such a thing. 
we all have intrusive thoughts. Even those without ocd. 
 

Shall I crash the car?!

what would happen if I sliced my finger off?!

a sexual fantasy that’s totally barbaric to you!

Run someone over!

 

its NOT REAL!!!! 

Link to comment

I have been abused all my life mentally physically and sexually by many people in my life all came to a head that day I can't remember anything after the two small taps like someone got into my head to make me suffer again there was no intention to hurt him in anyway just now tired and can't fight any longer sorry

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Hello everyone I am here to say sorry for the post about Nembutal I was so scared alone you see I have been talking with mum and family about the mistake I did 20 years ago when I was told by my head to slam a babies head hard on coffee table I said no no no then said it again so I did 2 small tiny taps and then my head one more not hard to hurt him so I did a slightly  harder tap and then I realised what had happened like I was not in the right place and time and it has destroyed me 11 suicide attempt later and 20 years later all I remember is the baby noise the bang see I was let alone in a room with my dead dad just after he had confessed to being a bad serial child rapist ever that day I was getting thoughts of harm to any aged person he hates me with a passion and showed this with his fists and mentally abusing me and sexually hurt me he got into my head that day and I not sure if I hurt the baby I have never Eva wanted to hurt anyone I know the pain in being abused so this was totally out of character against my values now I am so scared and paranoid I see my dad everywhere now saying well done son made you just like me I am scared to sleep and be awake but I told my doctor/therapist/family everything and all said if the hit was hard he would be ill straight away hospital and poorly but nothing like that happened as 3 months later I heard from his mom nothing was said he was ill or anything but I can't let it go because I am now convinced the neightbour was spying on my ex with a hidden cam in the year 2000 and caught the head hit omg I am so worried but I can't leave earth because can't hurt my family or my love for my mum everyone says leave it its 20 years for his sake.

Sorry to burden everyone I was told people make mistakes no one is perfect let it all go and recluse which I have done for the last 10 years when I was diagnosed with a mental illlness .

Link to comment

Why do you think you can't let this go?  What fear is making you hold onto this?

There is no crime..only an obsession..something verified by your mental health advisors.  There is much evidence and research to verify that your fears are the obsessions  from OCD.  You have no evidence of harm from anyone.......so what do you think is keeping you so afraid a d unable to let go of this fear and move towards recovery?

Link to comment

I can't take back the 3 small head taps this mistake happened and I believe I should die, fear is they were harder and caused damage, fear is everyone missed the damage, fear is hidden cameras watching me, 

Doctor/therapist/family a hard hit on a solid surface caused damage and baby is unwell and would need hospital

Honestly what do you think I should do everyone says it's 20 years ago let it go

 

Link to comment
9 hours ago, Just A said:

I can't take back the 3 small head taps this mistake happened and I believe I should die, fear is they were harder and caused damage, fear is everyone missed the damage, fear is hidden cameras watching me, 

Doctor/therapist/family a hard hit on a solid surface caused damage and baby is unwell and would need hospital

Honestly what do you think I should do everyone says it's 20 years ago let it go

 

This is what I'm getting at, asking you.  There is no evidence of any harm anywhere.  Not with the person (baby, as was), the parents, doctors or therapists.....which leaves you with an obsession.  There is however lot's of evidence that no harm happened and lots of evidence that this is OCD.......so what emotions are making you hold onto a fear that has 0% evidence to support it?

Link to comment

You are holding on to a false belief about something that has absolutely no basis in reality. Multiple professionals have told you that no harm was done to the baby yet you still persist with this worry and obsession. What do you think is driving this obsession? Once you get down to the core of most obsessions you will find that they're usually driven by a specific fear. Do you think it could be due to a fear of losing control? A fear that you could have lost control of yourself and harmed the baby? Or is it that you worry you must be perfect all of the time otherwise something bad might happen? Do you worry that deep down inside you might be a monster who is capable of harming others? Once you've worked out what's driving an obsession then it becomes a lot easier to tackle.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



×
×
  • Create New...