Nolightleft Posted April 24, 2022 Author Share Posted April 24, 2022 Thankyou all for your time, ive been in hospital, still want to confess, still feel i dont want to be here but hey ho another day of hell on earth Link to comment
McW Posted April 24, 2022 Share Posted April 24, 2022 Hi Nolightleft.. just wanted to say that I hope your okay... Stick in there mate. Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 24, 2022 Author Share Posted April 24, 2022 Thank you mate, this need to confess the threesome fantasy has destroyed me, put me in hospital, yet i still feel ive betrayed my wife for thinking these things, im dead inside, jjust a shell of the man i was Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 25, 2022 Author Share Posted April 25, 2022 Back in hospital,all this because im not allowed to confess, i feel if i confessed every sexual fantasie and who with to my wife then this torture would end Link to comment
Symps07 Posted April 25, 2022 Share Posted April 25, 2022 On 24/04/2022 at 12:35, Nolightleft said: Thankyou all for your time, ive been in hospital, still want to confess, still feel i dont want to be here but hey ho another day of hell on earth Unfortunately any relief that comes with 'confessing' will only be temporary before it all comes back with force. Like with the rumination, it just confirms to your OCD that something is wrong so the next time you have an intrusive thought, your anxiety will be raised as your brain thinks it is warning you of a threat. I'm sorry that you're in hospital but are they now going to fast track you into seeing a therapist? Link to comment
McW Posted April 25, 2022 Share Posted April 25, 2022 4 hours ago, Symps07 said: Unfortunately any relief that comes with 'confessing' will only be temporary before it all comes back with force. Like with the rumination, it just confirms to your OCD that something is wrong so the next time you have an intrusive thought, your anxiety will be raised as your brain thinks it is warning you of a threat. I'm sorry that you're in hospital but are they now going to fast track you into seeing a therapist? This...!! I'm pressuming you are still with your wife then..?? And when you say you are in hospital, in what capacity, are you on some sort of psych ward or something...? Please don't answer if you feel I'm prying.. and apologies if I come across that way. Come on NLL, you can get through this mate, I went through a similar thing years ago and it just sort of went away in the end, but in your case I think you really need some sort of psychotherapy type help at this point in time. Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 25, 2022 Author Share Posted April 25, 2022 My sister called an ambulance because i was in a breakdown, given me diazipan to try and settle, i still have to wait for phycolagist, i cant keep these fantasy secrets, all i want to do is confess the threesome fantasy but i cant, how did i think ot ok to think such things, its hanting me, i am so ill with this secret from my wife Link to comment
McW Posted April 25, 2022 Share Posted April 25, 2022 (edited) If you confessed your threesome fantasy to you wife, and she said to you... 'it's okay, I don't mind' do you think that you would feel better..? Edited April 25, 2022 by McW Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 25, 2022 Author Share Posted April 25, 2022 I dont know, maby when the dust settles, ive confessed before and after she calms dow selfishly i feel better for not holding a secret, but my wive told me i hurt her to make myself feel better, what would probably happen is i would confess and another fantasy regret would take its place, just wish i had never entetained such perverse things about people we know Link to comment
McW Posted April 25, 2022 Share Posted April 25, 2022 I think youve just answered your own question... 'I would probably confess and another fantasy regret would take it's place' you know deep down that the 'confessing' is nothing more than a complusion, and you also know that compusions solve nothing... yeah..? Honestly though, apart from the OCD aspect of things... you know the ruminating, the feeling that you need to confess ect etc.. please try and be kind to yourself, you are not a bad man, or a pervert, or anything like that, for having perfectly normal and typical fantasies about these women that you know..... the issue is that 'You' have to believe that, if you can't beleive it then your just going to keep crucifying yourself. My goodness... if I had a fiver for every woman I've ever had a fantasy about.... I'd be a very wealthy man. Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 25, 2022 Author Share Posted April 25, 2022 Thankyou mate, if i wasnt in a relationship i dont think id care, its because i feel ive betrayed my wife,my head is so done in Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 26, 2022 Author Share Posted April 26, 2022 I cant keep my mouth shut, i keep telling my wife i dont deserve her, this makes her ask questions like what am i hiding, i say nothing but im actually hiding my pervercse sexual fantasies Link to comment
Caramoole Posted April 26, 2022 Share Posted April 26, 2022 You (and she) are not accepting or understanding that you are suffering from OCD and what it is. She would benefit from some understanding for her own sake and yours Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 26, 2022 Author Share Posted April 26, 2022 She does have a good knowledge of ocd, or at least always did, she just cant get her head around sexual fantasies, she cannot accept that it doesnt mean i want these womenvor do the things involved, she sees it as wanting,unfortunately i cannot discuss it atal with her, no middle ground, ive betrayed her and thats it, and that makes this the hardest theme to deal with as we are on different pages Link to comment
Caramoole Posted April 26, 2022 Share Posted April 26, 2022 Somehow you need to find a middle ground. Her strong misbelief surrounding fantasies, her inability to see that thoughts are not deeds is just as much of a problem as yours is with OCD thoughts. Would she talk to someone here on the forum? Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 26, 2022 Author Share Posted April 26, 2022 Definitely not im afraid, she doesnt know i come on here, dhe would be shocked with it all, all i can do is accept she doesnt want to know any of it, im in hell, i did say once that did she realise its normal, she said probably but doesnt want it rammed down her throat, maby she knows more than i think she does and shes just hurt by it, this threesome one is killing me, all i get is images of them, it makes me sick when i see how much better my wife is so why imagine something else Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 26, 2022 Author Share Posted April 26, 2022 Just cant not be affected by these images of past fantasies, how the hell do i not engage Link to comment
snowbear Posted April 26, 2022 Share Posted April 26, 2022 You trust the people telling you that you're suffering from a thinking disorder and not from a moral character defect. You stop engaging by deciding that's what you're going to do. No different to deciding you want to get better from an illness and deciding to take your medicine. The difficuly you're experiencing comes from not committing 100% to 'not engaging'. So commit to it. Get stubborn with yourself. Refuse to go there. Over and over as many times as it takes. Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 27, 2022 Author Share Posted April 27, 2022 I keep trying, the need to confrss is to powerful, i have no strength to beat it left Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 27, 2022 Author Share Posted April 27, 2022 I just cant take another day with these images in my head and feeling fake to my wife, im trying and trying but i truly believe any life i had is gone, to many sexual fantasies about to many people, honestly feel my heads going to explode, i cant live with my self, i am so depressed with this illnes, its robbed me, i feel beyond hope Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 27, 2022 Author Share Posted April 27, 2022 Sorry i know this is banging the same drum but its very disturbing To fantasize about exposing yourself to 2 women who then cannot resist, and using an electric toothbrush in the act is really really ****** up, im sure the majority of people dont create such screwed up storys in their head, i dont even know how i came up with that sick ****. Sorry for the embarrassing post but for love nore money this fantasy memory is branded into my phyce,my fantasies really have been out there, and i just cant shake off wanting to confess as you know. I know ive had great advice on here but im really starting to seriously dout this is ocd and i actually am a true pervert Link to comment
Caramoole Posted April 27, 2022 Share Posted April 27, 2022 22 minutes ago, Nolightleft said: I know ive had great advice on here but im really starting to seriously dout this is ocd and i actually am a true pervert It's useless advice if it's not used. I'm really in two minds whether to remove posts like this. Whilst I understand the distress and urgency you feel, rather than being a tool that's helping you, the forum is more of an outlet for you to carry out the compulsions to bring the anxiety down. We know this doesn't work and underpins the distress. Most of this thread is in that vein rather than being a help. There isn't much benefit in going over fantasies, the ways and wherefore's because that too now serves as a source of reassurance rather than anything else. This torment is going to continue to hurt you until you change the approach. If you had a nasty wound that wept and bled & wouldn't heal and you sought advice as to how you could improve it......you were told to put a dressing on, to distract yourself when it irritated you etc and you continued to scratch it, to pick at the scab, it would get worse......the same is true here. You have to actively look at what you're doing that is maintaining this and try to change that. It's more than just trying to put up with it, you have to challenge the reality of the thoughts and change the response. Let's see you try and do that even if you feel strong doubt. You have been advised by doctors, your psychiatrist, other sufferers that your thoughts are the product of OCD and have no validity, that the distress is a result of OCD. Similarly, it's been explained how and why compulsions maintain an worsen this. You have to challenge those things, to learn to identify how your thinking is maintaining and supporting those doubts. Let's try and see a shift in approach Link to comment
Nolightleft Posted April 27, 2022 Author Share Posted April 27, 2022 Thanks caramoole I honestly would rather be dead than deal with this for another day, i cant ever see me accepting these fantasies as normal or ok and i cant ever see me not feeling im holding back so many secrets Link to comment
Caramoole Posted April 27, 2022 Share Posted April 27, 2022 So......change the approach. You're picking the scab every day, all day. Link to comment
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