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Doesn't that seem odd that I fantasized about women who in reality are no match to my wife,it just seems strange not just in an ocd way but in general,I am with a gorgeous intelligent women but have fantasized about women who I really wouldn't want in real life,why do that if you wouldn't want it in reality,ocd aside I just seems weird

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Thank you Lynz 

I just don't understand how people can entertain thoughts and enjoy them if they would find it wrong in reality,my fantasies always involve things I really wouldn't want but I enjoy the thoughts

 

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Is it reasurance 

Because I have OCD,am I using it as an excuse for having these fantasies and thinking it's ok to have them.

People on here are so kind,wish you lived on my street,light a fire,play some folk and try to forget this illness

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1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

I still don't get how you can enjoy things u don't want in reality

Really? Let's take a very simple example. I can enjoy thinking about eating ALL my favourite foods one after the other. My mouth would salivate while I imagined my fantasy feast. But if I tried it in reality I'd be sick as a dog and regret wasting all the food my stomach wasn't big enough to hold. Thankfully I'm not obsessed with food so I can see it's ok to fantasise about something I actually wouldn't want in reality. If you're struggling to see that it's because your thinking is affected by OCD and you're not seeing things clearly as you normally would.

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Thanks 

This is never going to go,my fantasies must be more perverse than others,I am the only person I know who feels suicidle guilt about there fantasies,the people I fantasize about,I can't even look my wife in the eyes,I am so riddled with guilt,I just don't see a way out,I try and try and try,is this really OCD ,are people just saying I'm normal because I speak about suicide,surely the has to be an aspect of true guilt to feel this way

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13 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Now if I look at any female I get intrusive images wtf,litrely any female,who can live like this

I just got triggered parking in my drive, seeing my neighbour knelt down removing weeds in a dress. I keep getting thoughts like, is she wearing knickers? Does she want me to look? Is she more attractive than my wife? Should I be with her instead of my wife? And so on. But I am resiting the urge to engage with these thoughts as I've been here what feels like a million times before and it'll only make me worse if I do engage with them.

 

Edited by Symps07
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5 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

I try and try and try

Try what?  What things are you actively trying to do to change this?  What was your plan this week?  I'm seeing many hours a day, every day with evidence of constant compulsions.  Given that we've talked about how compulsions maintain the horrible feelings, what things are you doing to try and reduce this?

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1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

Now if I look at any female I get intrusive images wtf,litrely any female,who can live like this

Every time I look at this thread and you get some attention, you seem to come up with something that you will think will get you more attention and it just becomes an endless thread.  Is this what you are wanting?

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I don't know what I want mate, life is just hell and I've got my wife telling me how much I've hurt her for confessing,I lost it a bit and said it's OCD that has pushed that I never meant to hurt her and it's normal everyone does,didn't go down well,still feel the need to confess more even though she's told me that telling her was one of the most selfish things I could have done

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8 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

I don't know what I want mate, life is just hell and I've got my wife telling me how much I've hurt her for confessing,I lost it a bit and said it's OCD that has pushed that I never meant to hurt her and it's normal everyone does,didn't go down well,still feel the need to confess more even though she's told me that telling her was one of the most selfish things I could have done

I hate to say this but I think you’re in an environment that is not all that conducive to recovery. 

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10 hours ago, HelloItsMe said:

I hate to say this but I think you’re in an environment that is not all that conducive to recovery. 

I agree and it's difficult to know how to help in this situation. I've never known a home environment that is so detrimental to an OCD sufferer's recovery, and until that is fixed it could be very hard to recover, as NLL will be trying to put in place steps to beat the OCD, yet his wife is reinforcing the OCD and undoing all of his progress.

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Although disgusting a year ago I confessed I had fantasized about her adult niece and 10 years ago about her sister so she is quite right to be destroyed by my,I have caused so much strain on her family through first having these sick fantasies about people close to her and secondly confessing it to her,I feel like a deviant and maby I am to think such things and OCD is just a cover that I'm actually gross,and still after all the pain I've caused I still want to confess the threesome with a toothbrush one and stepsons ex,she actually said to me she dreads our son getting a girlfriend as I'll be looking,I'm sick to death of myself and sick of living,death would be a release,I cannot leave her,I do love be her and I couldn't handle being a weekend dad

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NLL I do believe that these "fantasies" of yours are more likely to be intrusive sexual images/thoughts. Fantasies typically cause you pleasure whereas intrusive images cause you distress. You are obviously distressed by these images and thoughts otherwise you would not feel compelled to confess these to your wife, and you would also not be calling yourself a deviant, pervert etc. I do think you both need to go to therapy and your wife especially needs to gain an understanding of the type of OCD that you suffer from. If she realises that you are suffering from a mental health condition, and that you're not actually a pervert or whatever, then that will go a long way to helping the both of you. I don't see how you can recover if she thinks she is married to someone who is a sexual deviant when actually she is married to someone who suffers from OCD.

Edited by Lynz
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Hi lynz i am afraid to say they were definitely sexual fantasies,I don't know if it was the forbidden aspect or just the taboo that made me enjoy thinking at the time,I dismissed them as fantasy but then I feel huge guilt for having them,you didn't know about the adult niece and her sister,I hope that hasn't caused disgust or made people actually see  that I am wrong,the people I've fantasized about are always people we know,her friends people on the street,and even disgusting ly her adult niece,I'm sorry but that is not normal in anyway,I can't cope with knowing I've fantasized about such things

 

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9 minutes ago, Lynz said:

NLL I do believe that these "fantasies" of yours are more likely to be intrusive sexual images/thoughts.

I think the same.

NLL, I’m concerned your wife is simply refusing to even try to understand the nature of OCD. Until she stops making you feel guilty at every turn you will never get better.

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I think that fantasizing about her adult niece and sister is crossing a moral boundary,I shouldn't have about them I should have not created those mental stories,I seem to enjoy the forbbiden at the time,I must just be a wrongen,I know everybody apparently has sexual fantasies but not about there partners family,that just not ok

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2 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I should have not created those mental stories

Once again I ask the question regarding what you are looking for:

 

On 14/05/2022 at 18:49, northpaul said:

Every time I look at this thread and you get some attention, you seem to come up with something that you will think will get you more attention and it just becomes an endless thread.  Is this what you are wanting?

What is your aim with this thread?

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