Left wife

[Wanderer]

53 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Thank you, i see the only way to feel better is to be honest to my wife, i know it would hurt but at least she would know the truth and i wouldn't be living a lie, cant see how my brain will ever get over the guilt of these taboo sexual fantasies

If you confess, youll find something else to worry about, and go round and round in circles. It's OCD. 

[Nolightleft]

Doesnt she deserve to know the king of man shes with, a perverted one

[Cora]

5 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Doesnt she deserve to know the king of man shes with, a perverted one

I disagree, you are not perverted, NLL. 

I also second what @Wanderersaid. If you confess, there will be something else your OCD will latch on. You'll have the need to confess again, and again, and again.

[Caramoole]

2 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

Doesnt she deserve to know the king of man shes with, a perverted one

We've answered this question so many times and indicated why it's destructive for you to keep speaking about/at yourself like this.  What steps are you trying to take to alter this?

[McW]

Where on earth does the opinion that 'fantasising about a threesome, or about the woman/women down the road is perverted, sick, disgusting' etc...  your words not mine, come from...??? Your wife 'knows' that you, like all men, fantasise about sexual things which will often involve other women...  believe me, women are far....FAR more aware of sexuality and all that stuff than men are in general, and if she doesn't, then she is very nieve indeed, and if you think your wife has not fantasised about other men, then you are sorely mistaken (sorry mate, that does sound harsh, but I'm just trying to be honest with you, don't mean any offense) The issue you have is that you have constantly told your wife every time you have one of these fantasies...   lets be fair, nobody (whetever gender) wants to be constantly reminded of it even if they accept that it happens sometimes. You may be thinking "but I'm always thinking about it, they are always happening"   well that's the ocd in play unfortunately, and it will keep happening relentlessly until you change your mindset on being a 'sick, disgusting, pervo' for having such normal and typical sexual fantasies. Going by your logic, I'm a sick, disgusting, perv, because I can tell you right here and now that I often have sexual fantaisies involving myself and multiple women...  (It'll never happen for a multitude of reasons,  including... I dont have the flaming energy anymore...Lol) why can I be confident in writing that down on a public forum in full knowledge that I'm totally normal in that respect and have no shame whatsoever about it, yet you are probably writing down your fantasies on this forum whilst feeling absolutely awful about yourself and hanging your head in shame...???    I beleive the root problem that you need to address is why you feel that having these fantasies are 'problematic' in the first place, becuase you have ocd you are now ruminating relentlessly on the subject, and that is why you keep having these fantasies seemingly non stop. Address the issue of where, why, and whom.. may have convinced you that normal sexual fantasies are in someway 'bad.'  It'll all work out in the end NLL, I'm sure.

Edited April 13, 2022 by McW

[Nolightleft]

Thankyou both for your support, i hope one day i can see myself as a normal man and not just a freak, its not her fault but my wife has said i shouldn't be fantasizing about other women, and she never fantasies, even my shrink said shes rare,i think if she was ok i may find it easier to get over the guilt

[Wanderer]

17 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Thankyou both for your support, i hope one day i can see myself as a normal man and not just a freak, its not her fault but my wife has said i shouldn't be fantasizing about other women, and she never fantasies, even my shrink said shes rare,i think if she was ok i may find it easier to get over the guilt

She's likely lying. Anyway, it makes ZERO difference. It's not about the fantasies at all. Trust us. It's OCD. I promise if you do the work then you'll look back on this and be like LOL. 

[Caramoole]

1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

if she was ok i may find it easier to get over the guilt

It's not guilt that you're suffering from.  You are suffering from OCD and an obsession about it being wrong to have fantasies

[Nolightleft]

I dont think she is lying

I cant stop thinking of different ways to end it,i cant live like this, my mind has been robbed and become an ocd porn party

[gingerbreadgirl]

NLL, am I right in thinking that you have periods of time when OCD doesn't bother you too much?

If so, what sort of thing generally happens when you start to feel better? Is it something that distracts you or whatever? 

[Nolightleft]

I dont know gbg it just lifts for a bit

Today im  still considering just ending it, i cant hug my wife because i dont feel worhy and all i have in my head is the memories of this threesom fantasy with to rough women, when im with a beautiful women,i cant hep feeling like ive cheated

[Nolightleft]

I think i should leave my wife for good, its not fair that i keep these secrets from her

[ocdjonesy]

Ah yes, the rational choice of letting OCD ruin your life and end your marriage when you could spend £12 on amazon on a self help book and do something else instead.  

Do you hear yourself right now?

[Nolightleft]

Ive read a few books but still get beaten by ruminating,i cant shake this threesome fantasy out of my head,feels as bad as cheating 

[Nolightleft]

And the need to confess is overwhelming 

[snowbear]

NNL , your thinking is clearly screwed up at the moment.

As ocdjonesy said...

Quote

Do you hear yourself right now?

What you're experiencing now is exactly the same as if you were tripping on magic mushrooms. Imagine you thought you were a werewolf and decided you should end things with your wife because it's not fair on her to be married to a creature when she thinks she's married to a man.

Might sound completely logical and reasonable to you while you're tripping, but once the magic mushroom effect wears off you'd laugh at having ever thought anything so silly.

You need to accept that your thinking processes are screwed up just now.

Don't do anything you'll regret when the 'tripping' effect (in your case OCD thinking process) has worn off.

[ocdjonesy]

Yeah dude you need to pull up before you hit the side of the mountain.  

You clearly have some fears about your marriage that you need to address which are freaking you out hard enough to slam the eject button on it and yourself.  

You are very, very afraid or something and that fear is forcing you to make stupid decisions as you panic and try to scrabble away from it.

Like snowbear says don't let that thing you are afraid of ruin your life.

 

[Nolightleft]

Think im going to end it all today

[snowbear]

NFL,

It really isn't fair of you to come on here saying things like that.

I understand you're very down and confused just now. But remember the people here are also suffering with OCD. They may be worried hearing you state your intentions, feel helpless and uncertain if you'll be back online to update them later.

Please, even in your pain, spare a thought for others. Those accessing the forum who want to help and support you, but get left a message as brief and callous as the one you just posted.

Remember online communication doesn't work in the same way that somebody can support you face to face.

If things seem that hopeless then you need urgent help and support, of the type we can't provide online. Please reach out to speak to someone in person. A member of your mental health team, a family member or friend, or perhaps the Samaritans.

Things are never as hopeless as they seem. OCD isn't the end of the world. You can get through this, come out the other side of it and be happy again.

 

[Nolightleft]

Sorry

[ocdjonesy]

Guess you better call the crisis team again then.

[Lynz]

I'm sorry to hear you're suffering NLL. I do sympathise though as when I'm at my most distressed I also say to people (normally my husband) that I want to end it all, and all it does is make me more anxious and make my poor husband really distressed and worried. It comes from a sense of feeling like you're completely out of control, and the only thing you feel like you have control over is ending your own life so you in effect fantasise about ending your own life because you feel that is the only thing you can do to end your suffering. Saying out loud that you're going to end it all basically becomes another compulsion to try and ease the anxiety you're feeling, but like all compulsions they don't work.

But there is another way to end your suffering and it's been suggested so many times on this thread. Start by not giving in to these OCD worries and start working at stopping your compulsions, such as confessing, ruminating, reassurance seeking etc. This horrible condition can be beaten NLL.

[Cora]

Hey @Nolightleft, 

I hope you are okay! 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Thinking of you @Nolightleft, hope you are OK x 

[Nolightleft]

Im here, thanks for caring x