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How to cope when you don't perform a compulsion but then your worry comes true?


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I managed to avoid a long-standing compulsion, but what the compulsion aimed to prevent, has actually happened. How do I stop this from affecting me too much? This is making me spiral, because as it turns out that I was right. It felt like the easiest compulsion to tackle first because it's my most unrealistic one, but it's backfired. Not sure where to go from here, really. 

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If it is a compulsion it means (for me) that it has nothing to do with the prevention, but its something out of any logic.

Now, because unlickely events happen sometimes, you got your worry increased. This a hard test for you, but you should keep strong not doing compulsions.

Focus in the present and do the things important for you now. The more you feel now the uncertainty the better you will endure it in the future. You cant beat ODC without suffering, so embrace it and trust that it will do you more tolerant for next times (as a athlete pushing their limits and getting strenght).

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1 hour ago, jenjen said:

I managed to avoid a long-standing compulsion, but what the compulsion aimed to prevent, has actually happened. How do I stop this from affecting me too much? This is making me spiral, because as it turns out that I was right. It felt like the easiest compulsion to tackle first because it's my most unrealistic one, but it's backfired. Not sure where to go from here, really. 

Great question - it’s happening to me. My compulsions are to do with prevention. I had a fear of a house buyer pulling out. It happened. For me, checking is my compulsion. My upstairs neighbour created yet more damage in the communal area of the building yesterday which I felt the need to rectify as much as possible.

I feel that I need to check before before potential flat buyers view the property. For example I cover up holes made in the communal carpeting by the upstairs neighbour. The neighbour accidentally tipped hair chemicals in the communal area which caused staining. She is a ‘hair therapist’. My  anxiety is not being able to sell my property because of the bad state of repair of the communal area. I do need to sell. I hoover the communal area.  Take non recyclables out of the recycle bin as the bin men will not empty  the bin. I fear a load of rubbish at in the front garden putting off potential buyers. Last week I had to get rid of a TV set and a large steel bin.  My compulsions make me into a janitor.

Edited by Angst
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21 minutes ago, Angst said:

Great question - it’s happening to me. My compulsions are to do with prevention. I had a fear of a house buyer pulling out. It happened. For me, checking is my compulsion. My upstairs neighbour created yet more damage in the communal area of the building yesterday which I felt the need to rectify as much as possible.

I feel that I need to check before before potential flat buyers view the property. For example I cover up holes made in the communal carpeting by the upstairs neighbour. The neighbour accidentally tipped hair chemicals in the communal area which caused staining. She is a ‘hair therapist’. My  anxiety is not being able to sell my property because of the bad state of repair of the communal area. I do need to sell. I hoover the communal area.  Take non recyclables out of the recycle bin as the bin men will not empty  the bin. I fear a load of rubbish at in the front garden putting off potential buyers. Last week I had to get rid of a TV set and a large steel bin.  My compulsions make me into a janitor.

it's difficult, I feel like it's more said that, if you stop doing compulsions then you'll see actually they aren't true, and things are fine. But not so prepared for the outcome that, actually, I didn't do x and now y happened - and who knows, if that's true, what else could be? I don't know. 

I felt frustrated for you reading that about your neighbour! I know how frustrating it must be to feel like you have to constantly clean up someone else's mess. Hopefully, she at least cleans up her own act, and you'll be able to sell soon. ❤️

 

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1 hour ago, NotRock said:

If it is a compulsion it means (for me) that it has nothing to do with the prevention, but its something out of any logic.

Now, because unlickely events happen sometimes, you got your worry increased. This a hard test for you, but you should keep strong not doing compulsions.

Focus in the present and do the things important for you now. The more you feel now the uncertainty the better you will endure it in the future. You cant beat ODC without suffering, so embrace it and trust that it will do you more tolerant for next times (as a athlete pushing their limits and getting strenght).

Thank you for the words of encouragement ❤️ it's difficult, I'm only just beginning to realise how deep rooted a lot of these things are for me, and what even is a compulsion or rational etc. All pretty new to me. See, especially this compulsion, felt very easy to start with, especially because it's probably my least rational one. So, for that to have actually come true, makes it feel like, well, what else could be true? Maybe all these other, arguably, more realistic things will happen now, if you keep trying to stop! I know it's not really how the world work, but of course sometimes with ocd it's hard to see.

 

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1 hour ago, jenjen said:

I feel like it's more said that, if you stop doing compulsions then you'll see actually they aren't true,

yes that's partly why I like better the approach where you acknowledge a possibility that it may happen, but the risk might be worth taking...

A lot of the cognitive side for me approaching this too is understanding that I can actually cope with some of these things that I'm trying to avoid so much. So much of my life that I lived without all this avoidance and compulsions, and sometimes stuff happened but I could actually cope fine with it. (And actually the stuff that happened had nothing to do with me not doing compulsions anyways) So it's regaining that trust that I can cope.

So it seems when something we fear does come true, it could actually teach us even more so that we can actually deal with these things, but that will depend on whether we allow it to teach us that or if we shrink further into our ocd way of doing things. (Like lately I'm facing exposures that might increase my risk of getting covid by a small amount, but I think I will be able to cope if I do end up with it, and feel it is healthier for me to face that risk rather than continuing all my avoidance and compulsions around it)

And then for me too there is the acknowledgement that a lot of scary stuff could happen that I don't have avoidance/compulsions for, because those aren't the things that my ocd got fixed on...so it's not like we can avoid life and all the variables it can throw at us no matter what we do...

Anyways, I hope you are feeling ok--how is it all going around this? 

 

 

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A compulsion cannot change anything. That’s how it is, life is going to happen whatever you do. It’s Magical Thinking. 
 

Yes, I gave up compulsions & a string of things happened but they would have happened anyway.

 

 

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