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Living with someone with OCD


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I’ve been with my Wife for 7 years and from the beginning she has shown to not like germs/hospitals etc, so I have never pushed them on her. I have a disability so I tend to have appointments frequently which I will take my mum to. Over the last 2 years my wife’s OCD is extreme. I have to wash my hair multiple times a day to the point it’s actually falling out. Nothing I do in the house is good enough and always a problem for example stacking the dish washer will cause me to get shouted at and told off that I’m not good enough. The main impact is the relationship with my mum as my mum works at a hospital. I’m not allowed in my mums house and she is not allowed in mine, we are also not allowed in each other’s cars. We are not allowed to hug or touch….at my stillborn twins funeral I had to instruct my mum to stay away from me all day incase she contaminated me. My wife constantly says I don’t respect her when all I have done for the whole time we where together is follow every rule and ritual I am ordered to do. She has had 15 sessions of CBT and overcome certain things like not washing her hair after the cinema….but everything to do with me and mum is still very toxic and if I even mention my mums name all hell breaks lose. I’m scared of my future because at the moment it looks very bleak. Please help me, my family say she’s just controlling me everyday with things that are nothing to do with her OCD and each day I’m starting to think they are right! There must be a line drawn somewhere and I think I need to start looking out my myself? Am I wrong for putting me first?

 

 

Edited by 00019
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  • 00019 changed the title to Living with someone with OCD

Hi 00019,

I'm sorry for your loss and shocked to hear of the situation forced on you at your child's funeral.

OCD can make people very controlling, even turn them into bullies and emotional abusers. The fear can be very strong. However, that does not excuse this kind of controlling behaviour - and what amounts to abuse of you - in your relationship with your mother and your home life.

You're definitely not wrong to draw a line and start to put yourself first. However, you might consider having a frank and open conversationwith your wife about your intentions and the reasons behind them before taking action. Put a time scale on it though, so she has time to consider what you've said and make the neceassary changes without letting things drag on as they are.

It's a very sad and difficult situation to be in, but if she can't alter her controlling behaviour and unreasonable demands (even if they are driven by OCD) then you may have to consider whether staying in the marriage is ultimately the right thing for you and your health and welfare.

Good luck!

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On 22/04/2022 at 07:42, 00019 said:

I’ve been with my Wife for 7 years and from the beginning she has shown to not like germs/hospitals etc, so I have never pushed them on her. I have a disability so I tend to have appointments frequently which I will take my mum to. Over the last 2 years my wife’s OCD is extreme. I have to wash my hair multiple times a day to the point it’s actually falling out. Nothing I do in the house is good enough and always a problem for example stacking the dish washer will cause me to get shouted at and told off that I’m not good enough. The main impact is the relationship with my mum as my mum works at a hospital. I’m not allowed in my mums house and she is not allowed in mine, we are also not allowed in each other’s cars. We are not allowed to hug or touch….at my stillborn twins funeral I had to instruct my mum to stay away from me all day incase she contaminated me. My wife constantly says I don’t respect her when all I have done for the whole time we where together is follow every rule and ritual I am ordered to do. She has had 15 sessions of CBT and overcome certain things like not washing her hair after the cinema….but everything to do with me and mum is still very toxic and if I even mention my mums name all hell breaks lose. I’m scared of my future because at the moment it looks very bleak. Please help me, my family say she’s just controlling me everyday with things that are nothing to do with her OCD and each day I’m starting to think they are right! There must be a line drawn somewhere and I think I need to start looking out my myself? Am I wrong for putting me first?

 

 

Hi 00019,

That sounds like such a difficult situation for you both.

Can your wife ask her CBT therapist if it's possible for you to attend one of her sessions and to discuss strategies that your wife can take to allow you to see your Mum? 

It's perfectly possible that all of your wife's control issues are actually directly related to her OCD fears and it's possible that your family don't understand this but that doesn't mean that you should be deprived of seeing loved ones.  

 

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My 12 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed with OCD. She has seen the trailer for the OCD Kids Movie. 

www.ocdkidsmovie.com

I can’t see how to buy or rent this in the UK. I would be interested to see if anyone knows how we do this. My daughter has seen the trailers and seems really motivated to watch it as it has real life stories which have captured her imagination. 

I would also be interested to find out if there are any local support networks in the north east. 

Thank you 

 

 

 

 

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