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I have ocd or so I'm thought to believe


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Hi all. Or hi myself.. not really sure.

I have ocd or so I'm thought to believe.

Recent topics of my ocd have latched on things like, solipsism, living in a simulation, existential crisis.

There is one thing I can't seem to figure out, and i don't know if it can be figured out. But one of my fears is that I'm actually all alone in this place where we are, and all the things I'm seeing, reading hearing, feeling and learning are just tools to keep me from second guessing reality.

Because if i would know everything, as with solipsism sometimes is being said I think it would be too easy to figure out if I'm living a true life. But what if all the things I'm experiencing are actual illusions made up by whatever it is I am present in (simulation or anything like that) just to make it seem real that this is the true reality, what if nothing is a coincidence and it's all just being rendered by this program or whatever I'm in?

All the help for my ocd and these subjects im getting might just be ways to keep me thinking i actually have ocd and it's just me being (sick) that I'm thinking this way while instead I don't have ocd and I'm not sick.

Maybe having ocd is a (fake) reason to not dive any further into this subject.
What if the reactions you guys might post here are just to generated by this thing I'm in to sort of 'confirm' my fake sickness called ocd?

Edited by Ironborn
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Maybe you're right, Ironborn. Maybe I'm just a figment of your imagination. :eek:  If that's the case though, you must have a very good imagination as I have a full and complex life away from the forum and don't simply exist to respond to your posts! Do you fill in all those details of my life in this imaginary world of non-existence?

Whether you decide you have OCD or not, I think for you at this time delving into this train of thought is a bad idea. You're not able to be objective about it so you're not going to reach any meaningful conclusion no ,matter how much you ruminate or try to puzzle it out.

So why not take a break? Go and do something tangible. Something physical. Talk to someone in person rather than online and do things which feel real. Ground yourself in reality, maybe with some meditation where you focus on your breathing and body sensations.

If your thoughts drift back to what is and isn't real, just let them be there without trying to answer the questions.

 

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Remember what we talked about yesterday about it being easier for you to fall into OCD than it is to accept the truth of the things that have happened to you and about how you were at a point of break through?  Well this is you trying very hard to veer to the left, ignore that breakthrough because it's painful and fall back into the OCD.  

Don't let it side track you.  You are onto something and if you keep pushing you can make the connections you need to make in order to move past all this.  

I'm real.  You're real.  This conversation is real and you can do this.

 

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8 hours ago, snowbear said:

Maybe you're right, Ironborn. Maybe I'm just a figment of your imagination. :eek:  If that's the case though, you must have a very good imagination as I have a full and complex life away from the forum and don't simply exist to respond to your posts! Do you fill in all those details of my life in this imaginary world of non-existence?

Whether you decide you have OCD or not, I think for you at this time delving into this train of thought is a bad idea. You're not able to be objective about it so you're not going to reach any meaningful conclusion no ,matter how much you ruminate or try to puzzle it out.

So why not take a break? Go and do something tangible. Something physical. Talk to someone in person rather than online and do things which feel real. Ground yourself in reality, maybe with some meditation where you focus on your breathing and body sensations.

If your thoughts drift back to what is and isn't real, just let them be there without trying to answer the questions.

 

 

7 hours ago, ocdjonesy said:

Remember what we talked about yesterday about it being easier for you to fall into OCD than it is to accept the truth of the things that have happened to you and about how you were at a point of break through?  Well this is you trying very hard to veer to the left, ignore that breakthrough because it's painful and fall back into the OCD.  

Don't let it side track you.  You are onto something and if you keep pushing you can make the connections you need to make in order to move past all this.  

I'm real.  You're real.  This conversation is real and you can do this.

 

 

6 hours ago, Handy said:

Sounds like Existential OCD.

You want certainty but must settle for uncertainty.

The thing is, that my mind is also telling me that even the responses I'm getting here might just be a distraction, an illusion so that it's impossible for me to disprove or prove what is real or not. As far as I know, all the people behind the responses don't exist, I have zero evidence that they do. All I see is a reply which could just be an illusion within this illusion.

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Dude, come on.  You know that's bollox.  And also pretty insulting to everyone who's gone out of their way to try to help you.  I have spent several hours of my life now, talking through your problems with you and supporting you and you're going to be like "Naw, you're not real."

Rude.  Really, really rude.  

I know you're struggling and that this is part of it but stop letting your OCD get in the way of your relationships with other people like this.

Edited by ocdjonesy
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4 hours ago, ocdjonesy said:

Dude, come on.  You know that's bollox.  And also pretty insulting to everyone who's gone out of their way to try to help you.  I have spent several hours of my life now, talking through your problems with you and supporting you and you're going to be like "Naw, you're not real."

Rude.  Really, really rude.  

I know you're struggling and that this is part of it but stop letting your OCD get in the way of your relationships with other people like this.

Ik sorry about that. Really not my intentions.

It's just so that I'm in it's grasp (whatever 'it' might be).

Its so hard because I think of my kids and wife, i look at them and instantly get the thought 'they are not real' which is just like a sword trough my heart.

 

I appreciate the help you offered, sorry to have insulted you by that never meant it like that.

 

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I know I'm not mad or anything so sorry if I came across that way.  I'm just trying to communicate with you rather than your OCD if you see what I mean?  Like I can address the OCD delusion of nothing being real and have a conversation with that or I can actually talk in a way that gets you to engage with me outside of that space and I find being emotionally honest with people works best for that.  

So don't worry I'm not that insulted (a bit put out maybe but I get it's not particularly intentional) I just find from my own experience it's pointless sitting here engaging with something as irrational as the idea I don't exist because I patently do 🤣.  There's nothing worse than going round in circles with someone who is being completely (if unintentionally) irrational about something.  You seem like a nice guy who I've enjoyed getting to know a bit over the last couple of weeks who really wants to try to get his life in order and I'd rather talk to that person than your OCD.

Edited by ocdjonesy
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9 hours ago, Ironborn said:

As far as I know, all the people behind the responses don't exist

This is a downside of any internet forums.  Many forums are only written communication.  It is very difficult to judge meaning, emotion and things that we would pick up in other communication formats.  I for one would much prefer live interactions wirh people.

1 hour ago, ocdjonesy said:

and I'd rather talk to that person than your OCD.

This is an example of what I am trying to say.  By doing as you suggest it would help at looking at the wider mental health context.

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3 hours ago, ocdjonesy said:

I know I'm not mad or anything so sorry if I came across that way.  I'm just trying to communicate with you rather than your OCD if you see what I mean?  Like I can address the OCD delusion of nothing being real and have a conversation with that or I can actually talk in a way that gets you to engage with me outside of that space and I find being emotionally honest with people works best for that.  

So don't worry I'm not that insulted (a bit put out maybe but I get it's not particularly intentional) I just find from my own experience it's pointless sitting here engaging with something as irrational as the idea I don't exist because I patently do 🤣.  There's nothing worse than going round in circles with someone who is being completely (if unintentionally) irrational about something.  You seem like a nice guy who I've enjoyed getting to know a bit over the last couple of weeks who really wants to try to get his life in order and I'd rather talk to that person than your OCD.

 

1 hour ago, northpaul said:

This is a downside of any internet forums.  Many forums are only written communication.  It is very difficult to judge meaning, emotion and things that we would pick up in other communication formats.  I for one would much prefer live interactions wirh people.

This is an example of what I am trying to say.  By doing as you suggest it would help at looking at the wider mental health context.

I get what you guys are saying. And the last thing I want is to offend people. But maybe that also sometimes is needed as an exposure for me, since I'm also always afraid to hurt someone's feelings and then apologize for it endlessly.

Something else has happened to me just now. I came to the idea that if my thoughts about existential stuff, solipsism and related topics would be real, then there is no more need for ocd compulsions, because if nothing would be real then I don't have anything to fear anymore from any ocd topic I have. So now I've decided to 100% stop compulsions.

Thank you, whatever nothingness your are! Now I'm free from ocd and it's compulsions since all those perceived risks don't exist anymore.

I'm using it against itself, but I still feel anxious about it. I just did something (refusing a certain compulsion) which would normally scare me like crazy, and now i just did it. What do i have to lose if there presumably is nothing to lose?

Wondering how this little experiment wil unfold.

 

Any ideas if the above is a good way to deal with it, or might it be counterproductive?

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We are real people living normal lives. 
we just have one thing in common. 
our brains like playing games. 
 

this is a game your brain is playing. 
you can play along with it or get on with the stuff you’re actually meant to be doing. 
don’t use the forum for reassurance. 
it doesn’t help. 

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