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Is it nothingness?


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Hi all.

 

Been dealing with existential ocd for a while now. It has changed into something more serious last night.

 

It's not so much anymore if what I see ia real, a dream a simulation or whatever. 

 

But actually EVERYTHING that happens, i think about , i see i feel, i hear, i axt upon, i smell you name it just everything one can 'experience' i get the 'thought' what if it's not true and never has happened, it's nothing not even an simulation just nothingness. 

 

It has caused me to get several panic attacks, and also feeling extremely and i mean extremely lost.

 

I feel as there actually is no consciousness. Whatever it is I'm experiencing is just 'not'.

 

It isn't happening it's meaningless, it's not here, not now, not ever.

 

I get that alot of people with existential, solipsism or other philosophical ocd think that they're perception of reality is twisted and must be because only they themselves are conscious, and the rest is just there to complete the illusion, or that they live in some dream, in any of the stories I've seen about existential ocd etc it's always about a possible 'diffrent' kind of reality and consciousness.

 

But for me it's not about it being different it's about there being none reality, none consciousness. Even though i 'think' I'm being conscious and i 'perceive' I'm in a 'certain' universe, or simulation, or dream, or multiverse or whatever, it does not have to be that way. There could also just be 'nothing' i know that's quite harsh to grasp because we feel and think we are experiencing life, like me right now typing this text, must mean that ' i ' 'am'.

 

But that does not have to be the case, if we're not then we are just 'not'.

 

All of the above has made it extreme difficult for me to even get something done, because with everything I feel as if what is the use? If it's all 'not' then what I'll do is just 'nothing' withing this 'nothingness'.

 

I could really need some help on the above, I've been unable to apply simple ocd tactics like, accepting, or just letting the thoughts come without giving them any attention. Because they are all contained with this 'nothingness'.

 

What is the use of even 'accepting' whatever comes to mind if it's actually nothing and does not exist?

 

To live and to be in this world. There must be some basic rules like a real 'universe' a real consciousness, because if that's not present then what are we doing? Are we doing anything at all? Or is there just 'nothing' ?

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Hi Ironborn,

I know that people are encouraged to accept the thoughts and let them come in, but CBT for OCD is more than that. Have you accessed CBT for OCD? 

A lot of what you have written is a rumination on whether things are real or not. You get the thought 'what if none of this is true or has happened, but what you need to question is, what if things are real and do happen and you're spending your time worrying that they might not have. Challenging OCD or a problem of worry means taking a leap of faith that things are in fact real. Instead of focussing on thinking about whether things are real, start to act like things are, then you should be able to work your way out of this problem and live much more comfortably with the uncertainty.

Gemma

 

 

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21 hours ago, Ironborn said:

Hi all.

 

Been dealing with existential ocd for a while now. It has changed into something more serious last night.

 

It's not so much anymore if what I see ia real, a dream a simulation or whatever. 

 

But actually EVERYTHING that happens, i think about , i see i feel, i hear, i axt upon, i smell you name it just everything one can 'experience' i get the 'thought' what if it's not true and never has happened, it's nothing not even an simulation just nothingness. 

 

It has caused me to get several panic attacks, and also feeling extremely and i mean extremely lost.

 

I feel as there actually is no consciousness. Whatever it is I'm experiencing is just 'not'.

 

It isn't happening it's meaningless, it's not here, not now, not ever.

 

I get that alot of people with existential, solipsism or other philosophical ocd think that they're perception of reality is twisted and must be because only they themselves are conscious, and the rest is just there to complete the illusion, or that they live in some dream, in any of the stories I've seen about existential ocd etc it's always about a possible 'diffrent' kind of reality and consciousness.

 

But for me it's not about it being different it's about there being none reality, none consciousness. Even though i 'think' I'm being conscious and i 'perceive' I'm in a 'certain' universe, or simulation, or dream, or multiverse or whatever, it does not have to be that way. There could also just be 'nothing' i know that's quite harsh to grasp because we feel and think we are experiencing life, like me right now typing this text, must mean that ' i ' 'am'.

 

But that does not have to be the case, if we're not then we are just 'not'.

 

All of the above has made it extreme difficult for me to even get something done, because with everything I feel as if what is the use? If it's all 'not' then what I'll do is just 'nothing' withing this 'nothingness'.

 

I could really need some help on the above, I've been unable to apply simple ocd tactics like, accepting, or just letting the thoughts come without giving them any attention. Because they are all contained with this 'nothingness'.

 

What is the use of even 'accepting' whatever comes to mind if it's actually nothing and does not exist?

 

To live and to be in this world. There must be some basic rules like a real 'universe' a real consciousness, because if that's not present then what are we doing? Are we doing anything at all? Or is there just 'nothing' ?

 

My OCD is largely all existential these days. And I think the trick is to just stop trying to figure out all these questions you have. You'll never get the answers you want. Or you might get a solution in your mind that makes you feel better for a little while and then you will soon be back at the start. You just need to let it all go and be like "yeah whatever.." and carry on.

 

I know it's hard. But that's the way forward. 

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On 28/04/2022 at 12:28, Gemma@OCDUK said:

Hi Ironborn,

I know that people are encouraged to accept the thoughts and let them come in, but CBT for OCD is more than that. Have you accessed CBT for OCD? 

A lot of what you have written is a rumination on whether things are real or not. You get the thought 'what if none of this is true or has happened, but what you need to question is, what if things are real and do happen and you're spending your time worrying that they might not have. Challenging OCD or a problem of worry means taking a leap of faith that things are in fact real. Instead of focussing on thinking about whether things are real, start to act like things are, then you should be able to work your way out of this problem and live much more comfortably with the uncertainty.

Gemma

 

 

 

On 28/04/2022 at 13:05, Wanderer said:

 

My OCD is largely all existential these days. And I think the trick is to just stop trying to figure out all these questions you have. You'll never get the answers you want. Or you might get a solution in your mind that makes you feel better for a little while and then you will soon be back at the start. You just need to let it all go and be like "yeah whatever.." and carry on.

 

I know it's hard. But that's the way forward. 

I've not yet been able to put the thoughts aside, they keep morphing into something even worse, The funny thing is I've been able to quit like 95% of my compulsions on other OCD themes more so because I said to myself; Well if nothing is real and there is just 'nothingness' then my OCD is not real as well.

But this existential, solipsism, nothingness, philosophical whatever is going on is just draining me, or is it really? because if I'm not really here, then I can not feel 'drained' ? 

Also, with other OCD topics I was able to say after a week of going through it; Well I made it a week! ill be able to get through it many more weeks then!

 

But now my mind is telling me; lat week never happened, they are just 'illusions' or made up memories. Somehow, whatever is going on with my OCD? is extremely smart in finding those things that used to work for me and give me hope, strength etc. It finds them and just takes all its power away from it.

I had a couple of ways of fighting my 'OCD' i the past, one was as I mentioned above; I have been able to fight this for XYZ amount of time now, so ill be able to do it much longer!

Also, I always thought; I'm doing it for my family, for my sons in particular. But now with these new theme(s) i then immediately get the thought; but that does not work because they are not real.

Can anyone please tell me there is hope for better days with this type of 'OCD' ?

I know I'm making the assumption above that OCD exists and that this 'life' I live is the 'real' one. But I have to, I don't know how to beat it any other way...?

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14 hours ago, PolarBear said:

You beat it the same way you beat any other type of OCD. Do nothing about the thoughts. No reaction. Don't get drawn into ruminating over questions. Leave it alone.

Am i reinforcing the thoughts of solipsism by using solipsism, existential etc to not do any other compulsions from other ocd themes? Because my thought pattern now goes like; well if nothing is real, then I won't need to check the backyard door another time. Which is something I never could resist until now because I use that thought.

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