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Why do I keep feeling that I don't deserve to be helped by the university?


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I keep feeling that I don't deserve to apply for the mitigating circumstances for the 8000 words dissertation. I just feel like I'm using the system. I've asked for their help (by applying for mitigating circumstances and short extensions) for many, many times for the past year and I can't stop feeling guilty for that. I feel that the only reason I want to get their help once again is to avoid getting a 3rd as my final, overall grade. My grades have been quite bad for the past two years (and I think that is because OCD messed up the way I structure my academic work and time) and now if I don't ask for help and get a D- for the dissertation, I'm simply screwed. But that shouldn't be the reason to apply for mitigating circumstances - they are there to help the students who deal with life altering issues. And yes, I've been struggling with OCD and have had horrible days but it just doesn't feel like enough of a reason at the moment.

I really don't know what to do. I really don't know what the right decision is. I keep having this thought that I'm lying to the university and if I do ask for their help, I'll always feel like a fraud as my achievements will be forever stained and unrealistic of my actual academic skills.  

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Hi, I joined this forum a while ago but never spoke but as I've been in a similar situation thought now would be a good time to do so. Personal circumstances/mitigating circumstances at university can and should be used for any time that might have affected your ability to university work like an assessment or a dissertation. I also get how it feels with OCD to feel almost like compared to other people that "your symptoms aren't severe enough" but this is not true. For me when I applied for personal circumstances on my course I did it just once and felt awful but over time realised that OCD is just as significant of a reason for mitigating/personal circumstances as anyone else's problems. The way I would look at it is has OCD been taking significant amounts of time away from your ability to do your dissertation up to the standard you would typically have managed? If so, then there is no reason to not apply for mitigating circumstances if you feel it is necessary. Remember, you can't compare your situation against fellow students and thus if you feel like you need an extension, it doesn't matter how many times you might need to request one if the reasons are justified which in the case of OCD can absolutely be the case. Hope this helps. 😀

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Hi @DRS1,

Thank you so much for replying! And yes, your advice most definitely helps :) 

8 minutes ago, DRS1 said:

The way I would look at it is has OCD been taking significant amounts of time away from your ability to do your dissertation up to the standard you would typically have managed? If so, then there is no reason to not apply for mitigating circumstances if you feel it is necessary.

I'm sorry if this sounds weird and confusing but that is my problem: I can't assess whether OCD is at fault or me. During my really bad days with OCD I could go weeks without doing any work whatsoever. But... because I got so used to that, on my better days I didn't do any work either - I struggled to just sit down and start working, sometimes it even felt that I unlearnt how to do it even though it should be a very simple task for a final year student. And now I feel guilty because of that. I feel that I could and should have used those better days to do my research and not just wonder around. And that's why I feel that maybe OCD wasn't the one taking significant amounts of time away but it was me and my poor time management skills. I hope this makes sense. 

Thank you once again, DRS1. 

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It is really easy to cast judgement on ourselves for not doing something in the past but there is not much point focusing on what you could have done and only on what you have now. Also, a dissertation is not a "very simple task", I just finished my final one for my masters and did one last year too so know how difficult it is. The reality is maybe it was something you got to use to in terms of struggling to start work or maybe it was your OCD. In my opinion at least I would consider looking at the guilt you feel as maybe a feeling that isn't appropriate and something that OCD has made you think you should feel guilty over. I do get the lack of being able to start with university work, I struggled with perfectionism (and still do, just not academically) on assignments where because I couldn't guarantee success, I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to start work only to get stuck and need to ask for help but what I learned is that when you let go of that and you learn to just do the best you can and accept that it might not go the way you want it to, you generally do better academically. To give you something to think about, what would be so bad about applying for mitigating circumstances if you somehow knew it wasn't through OCD? 

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46 minutes ago, DRS1 said:

To give you something to think about, what would be so bad about applying for mitigating circumstances if you somehow knew it wasn't through OCD? 

I'm not really sure. I think I'll just feel like a fraud for the rest of my life. It would feel like cheating or something similar. And I would always have a guilty conscience.  

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And that is why you feel guilty about it now in the present moment as the worst case scenario there is that you would feel like you would be cheating but I think even if it were true, you could cope with that. What I'm getting at here is that within OCD, something I've learned a lot about is accepting the consequence of not doing compulsions and I wonder if you have been ruminating over whether or not it is morally correct for you to request an extension. Yes you might feel bad for requesting the extension but how many other people without OCD request extensions for other reasons and feel bad about doing so? I reckon not many. If you request the extension and you feel bad about it, you can sit with those feelings and accept that you have requested an extension. If you don't request the extension then you might not get as much time as you may have needed to do your best with your dissertation and then you will also have feelings that you would need to ultimately accept. I won't tell you either way what to do as I would rather be careful to not give accidental reassurance but I think its worth taking a look at those feelings of guilt around it and deciding if they are even remotely justified. Again hope this helps in some way and good luck with your dissertation. 😀

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