To do or not to do - in stuck

[Ma29]

Hello.

Thank you to everyone who has given me advice this week - snowbear/polar bear/ocdjonesy/mariejo and anyone else if I haven’t recalled everyone, I really appreciate it. 
 

I am so stuck and confused. Is this normal? Ocd distorts reality completely. I’ve taken everyone’s advice from earlier on in the week - carry on, doing what you do ect but then when I do I feel bad for it.

I get an unwanted feeling/thought/sensation. A few seconds after I kiss my baby on his cheek to show affection and I feel bad for it. Or I want too but I’m scared so I then place my nose on his neck and tickle him but again feel bad for it. Then at the same time whilst I’m tickling him, I get the bad feeling again which I don’t want and then it makes me feel like I did x action for a bad reason and then I get confused. 

I was at my mums this evening and my husband handed baby over to me. I put baby on my shoulder and started to show him affection, it felt really. I’ve but again sensation / smell / triggering thoughts and bam - one minute it’s you feel x then it’s you have x intention then it’s you are bad, ect and at the same time I’m trying to have fun with my baby and tickle him and show affection but amidst all of this the ocd is taking over and gets me all confused - what was my intention, why did my arm move like this, why did I sniff his face/why did my lips move/ why did my face go here, why did I lean a certain way. Again I’m continuing to tickle him. Then after I feel awful and I feel like I’ve done a bad thing. SO what am I supposed to do? Continue to play with him and ignore everything?? 

[Caramoole]

1 hour ago, Ma29 said:

SO what am I supposed to do? Continue to play with him and ignore everything?? 

Absolutely.......but you know that deep down

You know what OCD is Ma.  You know what it does.  You DO actually have a good grasp on it......but as we know, when it's in full on attack it's hard to keep that faith.....and so times our resolve will slip.  We're all only human.  But that's part of the process, taking it on the chin and doing our best to carry on when everything is screaming at us to do otherwise.  Keep on doing what you've been doing.  Kiss your little boy and then kiss him again to defy the doubt.  I know it's hard but you've done so well, keep on doing it, you're on the right track

[Handy]

Only you? No. You’ve got a hyperawareness, that’s why you’re so aware. Postpartum OCD it’s called.  Probably an estrogen thing but should get better in time. You can always looks up PPOCD.