OCD contamination VS genuine hygiene crossover

[000]

I’m not sure why, but posting on here really does help me move on from something. I’m pretty embarrassed by posting this stuff on here, but if it helps, it helps.

Well, something happened a few days ago which really sent my OCD off the rails and destroyed quite a lot of my progress. I reckon I can quite quickly reinstate that progress, but that’s why it’s important that I get past this ‘trigger’.

Don’t judge too much, please. It’s really not my fault that this happened and it’s caused me quite a big problem. And apologies if it’s ‘too much info’, but I don’t know who else I can talk to about it.

Basically, I had a wet dream a few nights ago. It happens to me quite rarely thankfully, but anyway, what ultimately happened is that this time it annoyingly dripped round my groin and round to my ass. Great.

Completely out of my control, but I was sure to go and clean it obviously once I woke up as best I could temporarily.

Then in the morning when I had a shower, I continued to clean the area, but I began to notice OCD was starting to take control more again.

Basically, after 4 days now I still can’t satisfy myself that it’s cleaned properly. I even resorted to cutting the hair back there just to see if I can get my mind to shut up.

I must’ve collectively spent 5 hours just cleaning and trimming my groin area now, and I’m not exaggerating.

I don’t know how someone without OCD would respond to this. I guess they’d just clean it once and move on? It’s obviously a genuine concern and for basic hygiene you’re gonna want to clean it, but I just can’t control the idea that I haven’t done enough. I can always wash and trim further.

I think I’m not doing so well with this whole puberty thing to be honest lol!

It must surely be something that happens to people sometimes where a wet dream can make ‘a bit more mess than usual’? 

I just don’t particularly want semen anywhere near my ass to be honest. Not even a single molecule of it.

I was originally thinking that this isn’t even an OCD concern, but it probably is because of the way I’m reacting to it.

And dealing with those scissors, that’s on the verge of sparking up my ‘contamination zones’ again. I’m having to be super careful about that because that’s some seriously debilitating stuff right there. I hope it never gets that bad again. I can feel my faulty ways of thinking flooding back in.

I don’t know what to do with the scissors really. I’m not going to use them for anything other then cutting body hair with them now for genuine hygiene reasons, but they feel like they are super contaminated. So I’m being really carful with them. I don’t want to put them anywhere that they can ‘contaminate’ other stuff, so at the moment they’re in a pot under my bed. I think maybe I should just get rid of the scissors to try and make me unable to trim anymore. But at the same time I feel like I have to trim more, so I don’t want to get rid of them. I don’t know what to do.

I sometimes feel clueless as to how I should respond to something and what’s real and what isn’t.

And in response to what someone said, I really don’t know why I treat semen like it’s this toxic substance, I really don’t know . I think it’s because of how my OCD started with POCD. I suppose I should work on changing my perception of it, but I’m not sure how. It’s genuinely gross, surely? I not sure how others don’t see it like that.

Well, that’s about it really. Probably not a massive problem in reality, but for me it’s not gone down so well.

Thanks so much to everyone who’s helped me previously, seriously. Your advice has been like a catapult which helps me move forward. This must just be one of those ‘blips’ I suppose.

[ocdjonesy]

a) Have you put any more thought into talking to your GP about getting a referral to mental health services?  If talking on here helps imaging how much talking to someone who is professionally equipped to deal with OCD could help.  Probably quite a lot I'd imagine :v

b) everything after you cleaned up the first time was a compulsion.  Stop doing compulsions.  Sit with the feeling you have when you don't and just let it happen.  If you wash yourself anymore you're going to start hurting yourself.  Genital skin is very delicate and you can really do yourself a lot of damage over cleaning it not to mention the risks of flashing scissors around your junk while anxious.  This is coming from someone who has absolutely taken chunks of herself checking, trimming and in general shaving before.  It really hurts and just makes everything worse.  Quit it.  Leave your junk alone, leave the scissors alone.  It is all compulsive and definitely an OCD thing.  

Walk away from it and move on.  

Edited May 3, 2022 by ocdjonesy

[000]

1 hour ago, ocdjonesy said:

a) Have you put any more thought into talking to your GP about getting a referral to mental health services?  If talking on here helps imaging how much talking to someone who is professionally equipped to deal with OCD could help.  Probably quite a lot I'd imagine :v

Yeah, you’re right. I think I do actually need it to be fair.

The thing is though, it’s not something I can arrange myself, is it? Do I need to get my parents involved with it?

While my Mum is very nice, she’s not very helpful in regards to OCD and she’s proven to me that I cannot go to her for help with it or anything related to it. She doesn’t get it in the slightest and pretty much refuses to realise that I do have a proper problem. She’ll happily help me indulge in compulsions though, and encourages them even when I’m trying not to do them.

She doesn’t understand why I do what I do, and she sees it more as a quirky addiction type thing I think. I don’t want to mention OCD to her ever again.

One other thing, because of my age (16), would I have to use that CAMHS service? I’m not so keen on that sort of thing to be honest. I have no experience with it, so I don’t really know what it’s like, but I would feel much more comfortable with the adult services just because of how I am.

1 hour ago, ocdjonesy said:

b) everything after you cleaned up the first time was a compulsion.  Stop doing compulsions.  Sit with the feeling you have when you don't and just let it happen.  If you wash yourself anymore you're going to start hurting yourself.  Genital skin is very delicate and you can really do yourself a lot of damage over cleaning it not to mention the risks of flashing scissors around your junk while anxious.  This is coming from someone who has absolutely taken chunks of herself checking, trimming and in general shaving before.  It really hurts and just makes everything worse.  Quit it.  Leave your junk alone, leave the scissors alone.  It is all compulsive and definitely an OCD thing.  

Walk away from it and move on.  

Yeah, I thought so. I don’t know how I ended up getting so caught up in it. I’ll definitely leave it now then, it’s an endless loop.

I’ve caused lots damage to my skin around there before when I was convinced I was a peadophile. That made quite a serious mess of my skin from over cleaning, so I know what that’s like. I need to make sure that doesn’t happen again as I’ve been able to resist doing that kind of thing for a long while now.

I really appreciate your help, Jonesey.  I’ll definitely stop doing it now.

[ocdjonesy]

7 minutes ago, 000 said:

Yeah, you’re right. I think I do actually need it to be fair.

The thing is though, it’s not something I can arrange myself, is it? Do I need to get my parents involved with it?

While my Mum is very nice, she’s not very helpful in regards to OCD and she’s proven to me that I cannot go to her for help with it or anything related to it. She doesn’t get it in the slightest and pretty much refuses to realise that I do have a proper problem. She’ll happily help me indulge in compulsions though, and encourages them even when I’m trying not to do them.

She doesn’t understand why I do what I do, and she sees it more as a quirky addiction type thing I think. I don’t want to mention OCD to her ever again.

One other thing, because of my age (16), would I have to use that CAMHS service? I’m not so keen on that sort of thing to be honest. I have no experience with it, so I don’t really know what it’s like, but I would feel much more comfortable with the adult services just because of how I am.

I, as an ancient old f*ck, am not sure about this part.  I feel you with the mother thing though - mine has been dealing with me and my obsessions for 38 years and still sometimes is like 'maybe you're not' to which I respond 'You literally complain all the time about I used to make you late for work and dad almost crashed our car because I took so long in the morning rolling and unrolling my socks before I would go anywhere, I have OCD'.  But parents are just gonna parent.  It's difficult and I think family members not getting it is something a lot of people on these forums deal with.

As for whether or not you'd be able to arrange treatment for yourself you should be able to make an initial appointment with your GP without parental involvement (though I understand that could be tricky) and they should be able to advise you from there.  You could also contact OCD UK directly for further information on how to move forward. I'm sorry I'm not more use on that topic myself I'm unfortunately just so old   Hopefully someone more useful will come along and chime in like @Gemma@OCDUK or similar but if they don't I'd absolutely just go ahead and email since it's a much better way to spend your time than scrubbing the skin off your junk

[000]

37 minutes ago, ocdjonesy said:

I, as an ancient old f*ck, am not sure about this part.  I feel you with the mother thing though - mine has been dealing with me and my obsessions for 38 years and still sometimes is like 'maybe you're not' to which I respond 'You literally complain all the time about I used to make you late for work and dad almost crashed our car because I took so long in the morning rolling and unrolling my socks before I would go anywhere, I have OCD'.  But parents are just gonna parent.  It's difficult and I think family members not getting it is something a lot of people on these forums deal with. 

I know, it’s quite a pain really as I can imagine things being a lot easier if they understood properly. I see videos where they say something along the lines of “Have someone in your family keep you on track”, and I’m like “Eh?”

My Dad though, he’ll be like “LET ME LOOK AT YOUR HANDS”, “YOUR HANDS ARE RED RAW, THEY’RE FU**ED!”

Like, yeah, thanks for noticing. They’re my hands, you think I didn’t realise? I’m always slapping this stupid cream into them trying to make them look better.

46 minutes ago, ocdjonesy said:

I'm sorry I'm not more use on that topic myself I'm unfortunately just so old   Hopefully someone more useful will come along and chime in like @Gemma@OCDUK or similar but if they don't I'd absolutely just go ahead and email since it's a much better way to spend your time than scrubbing the skin off your junk

Haha! No worries Yeah, I may send an email through just to ask.

I don’t feel like I can guarantee that I’ll actually do it though, but I’m not sure. I guess it’s one of those things that you just have to try. The whole idea of it makes me incredibly nervous, but I’d assume it’s like that for most people at first?

I can really see myself benefiting from a proper bit of back and forth conversation about all this stuff, so I should go for it really.

Thanks!

[ocdjonesy]

Yeah look I have been absolutely beyond freaked out every time I've approached people for help formally.  If you look further down the main page I made a thread about exactly that last Friday and how I was unsure about being referred back to mental health services.  It's just not that easy to do so yeah, you're totally not alone.  It's something that can make a person feel very very nervous and apprehensive, especially if you've never done it before (and I will be honest even if you've done it several times already like me).

It's ok to feel that way and it's also ok to take you time and get comfortable with the idea - which you've obviously been doing since the first time you posted.  You've actually made great progress already to be so open to the idea now.  It's fine to take a bit of time and gather some info about what you would have to do to to move forward with a councillor/therapist at your own pace.  Of course if you seemed less stable I'd be telling you to DO IT RIGHT NOW but at the moment you've got some leeway and are making good progress in facing up to your problems and gathering insight into yourself.  

I mean obviously I'm still recommending that move forward with finding real, qualified help because in my opinion you're bright and motivated enough to be a really good candidate for CBT and I think you'd do really well with it but it's ok to not do it RIGHT THIS MINUTE if the idea of it is making you too uncomfortable to handle.  You want to be pushing yourself (and asking for and getting help will always push you) but not so hard you can't handle it if you get what I mean.

[Gemma@OCDUK]

Hi 000,

In terms of accessing CBT locally, it depends on where you are in the UK. If you are in England then some IAPT services (adult mental health services) take on patients from 16 years old. You can find your local IAPT on the NHS database here https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/ For some IAPT services it's 17 years old and for others it's 18 years old.

You can self-refer to IAPT so you wouldn't need to speak to your GP.

For elsewhere in the UK, it would probably be a referral to your local CAMHS, who should be able to help with this problem, as it is clearly OCD. 

I agree that you should try and stop the cleaning and trimming as much as you can, completely if possible. The feelings of contamination will fade in time. It's obviously easier to tackle OCD with the support of a therapist, but some people find self-help books good too. One good one is Break Free from OCD.

Gemma