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Struggling to cope with Partner’s OCD


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Hi, 

I have been with my partner now for nearly 3 years, at the beginning of the relationship everything was great. He always stayed at my house until about 6 months down the line I asked if we should spend equal amounts of time at each other’s. This is when I found out he had severe OCD relating mostly to cleanliness. The first couple of hours I spent on his home I was confined to the sofa, even leaning back on his sofa cushion made him feel uncomfortable. I then lay on his arm and as soon as I moved he will brush his sleeve which made me feel like I’m dirty. 
If I have eaten there the food is brought to me on the sofa and he then brings a wet sponge to wipe my hands. His house is now entirely controlled by Alexa so it removes the need to even touch light switches. 
I am unable to make myself a drink or even be alone in a room for a period of time. 
It has now been over a year and a half and I have not been able to stay the night. 
I did my best to support him to go to CBT therapy which he began last August, it does not seem to have improved anything and he has shut me down if I question him if he thinks he is receiving the right support. 
I often hide how I am feeling because I do not want him to worry about how it is affecting me, but on the days I do open up he is very dismissive of what I say, and says if it is too much for me then to leave. 
I am confident with the right help he will get better but currently it is dragging me down and I am struggling to be happy. He won’t ever discuss a future with me because he says he is unsure if the OCD will get better. 
We cannot even book a holiday. 
I’m not sure how else to help him, or how to improve how I feel currently with him. I keep hoping for things to get better but they never seem to improve. Any advice would be appreciated. 
Thank you. 

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Hi Amy

I'm in a similar situation and would recommend you join the zoom support meetings run by the charity, they are open to anyone, so hopefully ur boyf will join too. There is a specific support mtg for family and friends too in June. I am currently reading Lauren Callaghans book, How Can I Help- available through the charity shop. There are also webinars available on the website that are worth a visit for both of you. 

I really empathise with you as OCD is a disorder that affects so much more than just the person diagnosed and can be incredibly lonely for those of us trying to support/care. Dont give up, it can get better and not all days are rubbish.

It would be great to build up a network for us supporters too.

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