Looking for a support network for caring for someone with OCD

[Jenp]

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years and lived together for the past 7; we’re both 44.  He feels that he has always had OCD but it has got progressively worse since we moved in together.  His OCD centres around contamination fears, in particular around grease and oil. 

My boyf has not been able to work since the pandemic, and not entitled to benefits (that’s another story) but has since been awarded PIP, which has helped.  I work full time, deal with everything at home along with caring for him, so it’s pretty much exhausting.  He is able to leave the house and go to my mum’s and help her but this is fast turning into a ‘safe space’.  His family are not overly supportive – all the siblings have mental health issues of one sort or another.

We attend the weekly support groups, which he does find helpful and it’s a good support system for him.  Through Health in Mind he had sessions of CBT/ERP last year and has recently started a second round of CBT.  He takes medication, which we’re not entirely convinced makes much difference and under GP supervision, are reducing the dosage.

I am reading Lauren Callaghan’s “How Can I Help” and realise all the things I am asked to do is masked reassurance (i.e. wiping the remote before he touches it), so we need to work on this.  Ironically, he does not ask me multiple times for reassurance for when he thinks he has oil on his elbow for example – he asks the once and that is it, so does not feel it is a problem.  He also says that his therapist had previously said we can’t just stop the reassuring and need to agree a time to reduce it – I don’t know if this is good advice or not!?  He may not be aware of all the things that he requests is masked reassurance. 

I am a self-confessed ‘fixer’ (I blame my previous employment where we have been brain washed into being solution focussed!) but I know I am not responsible for making him better.  However, if I have an idea its often dismissed with “you don’t understand”, which is difficult to hear. 

I worry that he is making his world very small, to the extent he won’t sit downstairs in the evening and eats his meals in the bedroom.  If he has gone out, once he comes home, it is easier for him to have a bath or shower and go to bed.  I know that I have look after myself – easier said than done (!) and do go out to the gym etc and am tired of my bedroom being a ‘bedsit’ but by the time I get home, sort stuff out, make dinner etc, its often late so end up eating upstairs too.  Though, I am determined to make a difference here, even if it means eating alone.

So that’s a bit about how things are at the moment; Not all days are rubbish but OCD dominates our lives, but I believe recovery is possible.  I love this man with all my heart and know that he loves me and will not let this terrible disorder destroy more than it already has/wants too.

What I am really looking for is a support network amongst other cares/family/friends.  People who may just need to chat with each other for release or share experiences, as we all know how frustrating this disorder is and how lonely it can be.   

Thanks for listening!

[Tryingtohelp]

over here!! 

Wow, so much of what you've written resonates with me... I'm terrible for writing really long posts, and I'm currently at work so I'll keep this short and say we have very similar experiences. I'm so glad you're here

[Jenp]

On 23/05/2022 at 13:17, Tryingtohelp said:

over here!! 

Wow, so much of what you've written resonates with me... I'm terrible for writing really long posts, and I'm currently at work so I'll keep this short and say we have very similar experiences. I'm so glad you're here

Hey! Great to meet you and thanku for the reply! Its nice to know we're not alone

I went to a support group for carers last night which was great (thru OCD Action) and will be going to the one run by this group next month.