Problems effecting my love life

[Rosie01]

Hi everybody, so I think I’ve been having somatic ocd in regards to having a high libido, its really effecting my life massively and I feel really guilty and horrible for having this. I told my partner and he’s making me feel really terrible for having a high sex drive, saying to me if I go out with a high sex drive I may cheat on him? That’s not how it works at all it’s something I find extremely uncomfortable (the feeling) and quite distressing actually Making me feel guilty and that if I did it ‘solo’ it would ruin how I look down there and it has to be all ‘pretty’ ‘we can’t ruin it can we’ it made me feel so upset to hear and really uncomfortable

[000]

Hi, Rosie.

With the greatest respect to him, your partner doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about.

It’s important to remember that your sex drive isn’t actually high, you’re just being tricked into believing it is with mimicking sensations.

You asked previously if this is something similar to what I experienced, and to a degree it’s quite similar I reckon. It’s pretty embarrassing, but I had somatic OCD focused on my ass lol. I had no clue what was going on and I felt absolutely sick. It felt hyper sexual, tingly, buzzy and just all round horrible. I thought I had some sort of hyper gay sex drive going mad or something stupid lol. It lasted over a month, driving me up the wall. I was just trying to go about my business like normal while constantly having these disgusting intense nerve malfunctions. I feared it would never go away.

If nobody told me it’s somatic OCD, I bet it would still be doing it now. It’s an absolutely horrible feeling, but it does fade away, I promise.

With regards to your partner, since it’s an OCD issue, unless he is knowledgeable about OCD it may be best to not mention it. I was thinking of telling one of my mates what was going on with me to ask if it ever happens to him, and I’m so glad I didn’t.

It doesn’t happen to other people to this extent. He would’ve completely misunderstood, same as your partner. It’s an OCD thing.

Look after yourself, it’s not your fault you’ve got this problem.

[Rosie01]

4 hours ago, 000 said:

Hi, Rosie.

With the greatest respect to him, your partner doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about.

It’s important to remember that your sex drive isn’t actually high, you’re just being tricked into believing it is with mimicking sensations.

You asked previously if this is something similar to what I experienced, and to a degree it’s quite similar I reckon. It’s pretty embarrassing, but I had somatic OCD focused on my ass lol. I had no clue what was going on and I felt absolutely sick. It felt hyper sexual, tingly, buzzy and just all round horrible. I thought I had some sort of hyper gay sex drive going mad or something stupid lol. It lasted over a month, driving me up the wall. I was just trying to go about my business like normal while constantly having these disgusting intense nerve malfunctions. I feared it would never go away.

If nobody told me it’s somatic OCD, I bet it would still be doing it now. It’s an absolutely horrible feeling, but it does fade away, I promise.

With regards to your partner, since it’s an OCD issue, unless he is knowledgeable about OCD it may be best to not mention it. I was thinking of telling one of my mates what was going on with me to ask if it ever happens to him, and I’m so glad I didn’t.

It doesn’t happen to other people to this extent. He would’ve completely misunderstood, same as your partner. It’s an OCD thing.

Look after yourself, it’s not your fault you’ve got this problem.

Thank you for sharing your similar experience, I’m so sorry you went through it to i know how awful it feels and it’s all unwanted too , The reason why I am questioning it is because my sex drive was extremely low before and I couldn’t (i Don’t want to be to TMI but it’s a serious adult issue etc) reach climax Like most women/men on antidepressants. Now all of a sudden I've had these unwanted feelings and this extremely uncomfortable unwanted sex drive I can climax extremely quickly that’s why I didn’t know if it was a medical issue or it’s The somatic ocd? I’m just scared about becoming hyper sexual as I feel like it now and it’s really distressing. The feeling comes back when I think I’ve sorted it out and it’s really upsetting me. My partner Like you said he really doesn’t have a clue, I’m just not sure if it is ocd or the medical side of it? 

[Rosie01]

This is really effecting my life badly I feel so helpless i Don’t know what to do I’m just worried it isn’t The somatic ocd ive done so much research and nowhere mentions this I feel so scated

[Rosie01]

I’m really struggling to sleep because of this now I can’t handle it

[Caramoole]

Have you recently been put on/changed antidepressants?

[Rosie01]

7 hours ago, Caramoole said:

Have you recently been put on/changed antidepressants?

Hi caramoole, I've recently had my dosage increased but the medication I’m on doesn’t mention anything about increased libido, if anything it’s all The complete opposite. I’m just really worried there’s something wrong with me do you think it could be The somatic ocd too? 

[Rosie01]

Thank you @000 I am worried as I’ve done a bit of research and some people experienced a similar side effect on Lexapro too when increasing. My anxiety got better and now I’ve been experiencing this the anxiety has just gotten so much worse it’s such an awful feeling But your advice has definitely helped me as i do have a feeling it could be somatic ocd too, I think I might discuss this with my GP first however as I really don’t want it to be a medication side effect, it’s effecting me from sleeping and working everything it’s absolutely awful.

Edited May 11, 2022 by snowbear
Removed quote box. Sorry Rosie, 000 requested their post be removed.

[Rosie01]

Yeah of course that’s fine snowbear really struggling at the moment I feel like I’m The only person whose gone through this and most importantly I feel really embarrassed

[snowbear]

No need to feel embarrassed. Nothing is ever typed on the forum that we haven't seen many times before in one guise or another, and we're a pretty sympathetic bunch having had all kinds of worries ourselves.

Just to clarify, your fear is that you have a higher sex drive than normal which you worry could lead to problems?

Or is it that you're worried this increase in ability to become aroused is due to the medication change and that's what you're unhappy about?

[Rosie01]

5 hours ago, snowbear said:

No need to feel embarrassed. Nothing is ever typed on the forum that we haven't seen many times before in one guise or another, and we're a pretty sympathetic bunch having had all kinds of worries ourselves.

Just to clarify, your fear is that you have a higher sex drive than normal which you worry could lead to problems?

Or is it that you're worried this increase in ability to become aroused is due to the medication change and that's what you're unhappy about?

Thank you for your reply I've really been struggling with this, when I’m distracted it’s not to bad even when I’m with my partner it’s actually fine that’s why I’m not to sure if it is The somatic ocd part, I haven’t actually heard it being an example of somatic ocd? I even asked my therapist and she wasn’t to sure which made me feel quite anxious in itself. 
 

I’m worried about having a high sex drive will cause to later issues like I’m struggling to work too (concentrate) that’s why I wasn’t sure whether to go to my gp about it, it’s all unwanted and making me feel distressed. 

[Rosie01]

Really struggling this evening with this i just feel so awfully embarrassed I went for more advice on The ‘mind side by side’ forum page and just had a load of weird clearly aroused men thinking it was a joke and taking advantage of me and the situation

[snowbear]

I'm sorry to hear you had that unpleasant experience on the 'side by side' forum.

I'm going to start with my impression based on what you've written here so far. It is just a personal impression and really you should talk through any concerns with your GP or psychiatrist.

Lexapro is an SSRI type antidepressant so if anything it usually reduces libido rather than increasing it. However, depression and anxiety have a major effect on killing libido separate from any drug side effect and it is possible that as the symptoms you're taking the medication for (anxiety/ depression) have improved your sex drive has returned to normal - which feels like an increase or even going into hyperdrive in comparison to where you've been while unwell.

But I don't think you have a higher than normal sex drive at all. I think you're hyperfocused on your genital responses because of your OCD and this in turn leads to you thinking about sex a lot. Anybody who thinks about sex regularly will experience an increase in arousal. That's not abnormal, and it's a temporary thing which returns to 'normal' (your natural baseline libido) once you stop thinking about sex so much and return to a normal balance of getting on with life/work/sex/other things.

You sound to me to be caught in the OCD trap of being overly conscious of feelings in your genitals > which causes you to ruminate on reasons why, possible problems etc > which in turn means you're thinking constantly about sex > which keeps your body in a state of easy or heightened sexual arousal for a lot of the time > which leads to you ruminating on why and what ifs > which keeps you aroused > and round and round the OCD cycle you go.

I'd be surprised if your difficulty concentrating was anything more than being easily distracted - a state that goes with ruminating a lot and your brain being preoccupied with obsessive fears.

All of which isn't helped by a partner who clearly neither understands OCD or the female body! (Based on his remarks that you reported in your first post. )

You can call it somatic OCD if you like, but there's likely more to it than just being overfocused on the physical symptoms. As I said above, you're clearly doing a lot of ruminating. In amongst all that obsessive thinking there'll be lots of stuff you're telling yourself which is based on your beliefs about what a normal sex drive 'should' be (there's actually no such thing, everybody's different), your feelings about your relationship and where you want it to go/ fear it might go... and more.

If you are able to access CBT you could look more closely at these beliefs and views and how they fuel and drive the OCD. Then you can work on changing how you respond to the thoughts alongside learning to ignore the somatic symptoms.

In short, I think your worry that 'having a high sex drive' will cause problems is unfounded. But having OCD is causing you problems - affecting your concentration, relationship, personal happiness and so on. So my advice is to ask your GP for a referral to CBT and prioritise learning how to overcome OCD.

Or you could start with a self help book and teach yourself the CBT basics. Then where the book talks about worries/ intrusive thoughts you simply substitute 'being focused on physical sensations' and from there it's bog-standard OCD and treated like any other OCD topic.

[Caramoole]

15 hours ago, Rosie01 said:

Hi caramoole, I've recently had my dosage increased but the medication I’m on doesn’t mention anything about increased libido, if anything it’s all The complete opposite. I’m just really worried there’s something wrong with me do you think it could be The somatic ocd too? 

I only asked because this once happened to me when put on a new medication.  Although I agree with many of the explanations given by Snowbear, in my instance it was none of those reasons, it stopped when the medication was changed.  It may or may not be in your case but it's worth mentioning to your GP

[Rosie01]

On 11/05/2022 at 22:53, snowbear said:

Lexapro is an SSRI type antidepressant so if anything it usually reduces libido rather than increasing it.

I agree with you, it killed my libido when I first started it. However since then I have been on the mini pill but that has low libido as a side effect too and only has progesterone which causes extremely low libido so I don’t think it could be medication? If anything it really should be non-existent. 
 

It does feel like it’s in hyperdrive which is making me feel extremely embarrassed. I think because not a lot of people speak about it, it can sometimes be taken the wrong way but if anything it’s been extremely distressing and uncomfortable. My partner made me feel pressured with his comments too, he’s a fully grown man too, so I don’t know why he’s making comments a 13 year old boy would most likely make but I guess we can’t control that. I think that’s why I’ve been ruminating on it also because I do feel that guilt alongside this. I do feel like the ocd is playing a big part in it as when I’m fully distracted it’s absolutely fine, but I’ll definitely follow this up with my gp as soon as possible just to make sure it isn’t actually my medication causing this. 

[Rosie01]

23 hours ago, Caramoole said:

I only asked because this once happened to me when put on a new medication.  Although I agree with many of the explanations given by Snowbear, in my instance it was none of those reasons, it stopped when the medication was changed.  It may or may not be in your case but it's worth mentioning to your GP

If you don’t mind me asking was it also an SSRI that caused this? Lexapro is really helping me so I wouldn’t want to come off it however if this is a side effect of the increased dosage it’s extremely uncomfortable and actually a little painful  It completely came out of nowhere too so that’s why I’m going to speak with my GP about this. I’m on a few medications that all cause a low sex drive so I’m confused as to why it would cause the complete adverse effect?

[Rosie01]

I can’t sleep because of this issue it’s really effecting my life big time I’m doubting if it’s even ocd I’ve been researching on pgad and I have all of the symptoms they said there’s no treatment for it and I’m already on antidepressants to try to lower the drive and its gotten worse, I really hope it goes away soon its making me feel so poorly even when I try to get relief after a couple of seconds it comes straight back its not fair I’m going to talk to my gp and say this is urgent.

[Caramoole]

1 hour ago, Rosie01 said:

If you don’t mind me asking was it also an SSRI that caused this? Lexapro is really helping me so I wouldn’t want to come off it however if this is a side effect of the increased dosage it’s extremely uncomfortable and actually a little painful  It completely came out of nowhere too so that’s why I’m going to speak with my GP about this. I’m on a few medications that all cause a low sex drive so I’m confused as to why it would cause the complete adverse effect?

It's such a long time ago that I can't reliably remember.  It may have been Doxepin, a tricyclic but I couldn't swear on it

[snowbear]

21 hours ago, Rosie01 said:

It completely came out of nowhere too so that’s why I’m going to speak with my GP about this. I’m on a few medications that all cause a low sex drive so I’m confused as to why it would cause the complete adverse effect?

Excellent idea.  

It's possible you're experiencing a very rare side-effect of SSRIs called hypomania. (Not as severe as a full manic state, but similar increase in libido and changes in appetite, sleep, mood etc.) A simple (though not completely accurate) way of thinking about it is 'too much' antidepressant in your system leading to the opposite of depression!

Your GP will be able to ask further questions and ascertain if it's the drug or the dosage, and can put you on something else instead.

[Rosie01]

1 hour ago, snowbear said:

Excellent idea.  

It's possible you're experiencing a very rare side-effect of SSRIs called hypomania. (Not as severe as a full manic state, but similar increase in libido and changes in appetite, sleep, mood etc.) A simple (though not completely accurate) way of thinking about it is 'too much' antidepressant in your system leading to the opposite of depression!

Your GP will be able to ask further questions and ascertain if it's the drug or the dosage, and can put you on something else instead.

Thank you Snowbear I’m a little worried you mentioned Hypomania would that mean I’d have to come off the antidepressant? I’m only experiencing high libido I know me being hungry is due to my mini pill, but i’m only on escitalopram 15mg which is a really small dose to cause that I would’ve thought? I’ll have a conversation with a 111 doctor as it has been so distracting I’ve been unable to sleep. At 10mg I seemed to be fine but I increased to 15mg and began the mini pill at the same time then it sort of happened but I know my ocd is playing a big part in this. When I’m worried about something else I don’t get this high libido thought at all and no physical symptoms but when I’m on my own in silence so before going to bed it all comes back and makes me worry, that’s why I have a feeling it generally is the ocd. 

[snowbear]

Maybe all that's needed is to go back to a 10mg dose and focus on addressing the OCD side of things. I really can't advise further, Rosie. Speak to your GP.

Whatever happens, it will get sorted so try not to stress about it.