10 year daughter housebound

[helmoo]

Hi,

My 10 year old daughter is currently stuck in one room of the house and has been housebound and naked for several weeks. Her OCD got really bad over Easter and now she is not at school, not wearing any clothes, won't touch anything, won't touch me etc. Her hair is matted and she looks like she's been living in the woods for months. She is just about eating (but asking for things from packets only - although this is luckily not consistent). Each new day things seem to get worse and now I am regularly spending 3-4 hours at a time with her when she is in crisis (they are lasting longer and longer). I know that it passes eventually but it is so hard when she pleads for my help, 'just do something mummy' but there is nothing I can do. Today she was about to have lunch (her first meal of the day) then went to go and wash her hands. All of a sudden, she couldn't possibly get clean enough, not by showering, bathing or washing at the sink. Her face, teeth, lips, hands and feet needed to be clean but there was no way she could achieve this. This resulted in her getting cold, shivering on the floor for 3 hours and begging me for help. Maybe just being there with her is all I can do but if anyone has any suggestions of anything else I can do to help in those periods of crisis (other than the grounding exercises, distractions etc), please let me know. The distractions help for a while but then she goes back to being distressed so quickly. I should say we had an online assessment with CAMHS yesterday (although they didn't see her). I don't know how long we will have to wait for treatment or even how it could be delivered to her. Thanks for your help.

[howard]

It's very hard to suggest anything as your daughter is unique and seems quite afflicted by her condition.

But it does sound like you are doing all you can do, in terms of supporting her and getting help through CAMHS.

When I was having problems accessing therapy services as quickly as I felt I needed, I contacted the head of mental health support for the county.

She talked to me directly on the phone and organised things quickly.

Good Luck.

[snowbear]

Hi helmoo and welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry to hear your daughter is going through such a tough time. Clearly things have escalted and the main concern is to stop it from getting any worse, so some sort of intervention is necessary.

When she asks you 'Do something  Mummy' what you can do is to take charge of the situation. Set some boundaries on what she can and can't do, set time limits on how long she's allowed to wash herself. Step in with a clean towel and gently insist that there's been enough washing to get rid of anything dirty and now it's time to get dry and get dressed.

If she's unable to decide when her face, hands and feet are clean enough (because they still feel unclean to her) you decide for her. Reassure her that the dirt is all gone and that she is clean and safe even if she still feels unclean.

Be kind but firm. Don't give in to temper tantrums or meltdowns - these behaviours are just a sign that she's distressed, so you offer a hug of comfort, tell her you love her, but stand firm that enough cleaning has been done for today.

You say distraction sometimes works? Great! Use it more often and consistently. Help her to refocus, and refocus , and refocus - over and over with the same distraction or give her a choice of 2 distractions. 2 options only, of which continuing with the OCD compulsions isn't one. Don't even let her see it as a 3rd choice. Be firm. If she won't go with either of the 2 distraction options on offer (nice things like games or TV or ipad) then the third option is to go to bed ((or sit quietly in the corner, or whatever your usual 'time out' rule is.) When she's calmer, go over and talk to her about her thoughts and feelings she gets and reassure her that she doesn't need to keep washing to be clean/ safe. Then move on to normal activities so she sees there's a distinction between 'OCD moments' and 'normal home life'.

Reward her with hugs or small treats when she does resist a compulsion. Make a fuss of how brave and grown up she's being by resisting it even when she feels she needs to do more.

I'm sure you don't need me giving you parenting advice!   Just sometimes when faced with things outside of our own comfort zones the way you would naturally behave and respond flies out the window and can leave you feeling helpless like an observer without the power to intervene. All you need is for someone to reassure you it's ok to set boundaries and enforce them and you're not making her OCD any worse by doing so.

Hopefully you won't have long to wait for CAMHS to start treatment. Meanwhile you might find it helpful to watch some of the videos aimed at parents from our conferences. You can find them here  and here.

 

[helmoo]

Thanks for your advice Howard and snowbear. It is really hard when she won't let me touch her or anything that she needs to then touch. So unfortunately I can't give her hugs which is really hard for both of us. I do try and be firm but her OCD is so powerful she won't even try to do anything no matter what I say / how I say it. But I will keep persevering and your advice is very helpful, thank you so much!

[howard]

Good to hear you're sounding more positive. Like all good parents all you can do is support and love your daughter.

I was wondering if she understood her condition. I had a look oniline to see if there were any videos aimed at children, but to me they seemed patronising. Maybe someone else knows of a helpful one.

(I have been OCD since I was a child, it just seemed normal to me and I never really realised until later in life, but my school friends were aware of it.)