I’ve just been offered the HR apprenticeship job

[Summer9173]

Hello everybody, 

I’ve just been offered the HR role, he gave me a call to say congratulations but I’m not to sure if I want to take it now I feel quite sick when I should be feeling really proud of myself  

I’ve been off my current job for 8 months so I felt like I lied to my current role, plus the person who will be teaching me is quite ok look wise and straight away my ocd set in really really badly  I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating on my boyfriend if I take it? Should I do it or go back to my old role? 

[Summer9173]

My anxiety is going so bad I don’t know what to do

[determination987]

Summer, you know what to do. You've written that OCD has set in and that now you're really anxious which means you're likely doing lots of compulsions. Would you want the job if OCD wasn't selling you its narrative?

Earlier you sounded very excited by this job prospect. Think about what you WANT to do, not what OCD is making you feel like you NEED to do. Live your life.

Congratulations!  

[Summer9173]

16 minutes ago, determination987 said:

Summer, you know what to do. You've written that OCD has set in and that now you're really anxious which means you're likely doing lots of compulsions. Would you want the job if OCD wasn't selling you its narrative?

Earlier you sounded very excited by this job prospect. Think about what you WANT to do, not what OCD is making you feel like you NEED to do. Live your life.

Congratulations!  

Yes your right I am  I could have an easy life with it and go back to my old job but HR is a really good opportunity for anybody right? I just know if I take this job I’m going to ruminate about it a lot I just really respect my boyfriend and I don’t want anything effecting our relationship  

 

[determination987]

6 minutes ago, Summer9173 said:

Yes your right I am  I could have an easy life with it and go back to my old job but HR is a really good opportunity for anybody right? I just know if I take this job I’m going to ruminate about it a lot I just really respect my boyfriend and I don’t want anything effecting our relationship  

 

Taking a job that you’re excited for isn’t disrespecting your boyfriend. Finding someone attractive isn’t either. 

What would you do if you weren’t fearful of these things?

Avoidance is also a compulsion! I do this too and I’ve let it hold me back far too many times. You’re young and have your whole life ahead of you to enjoy. Don’t let fear or OCD hold you back from what you want.

No one can make the decision for you. That’s for you to decide on what you want but don’t let OCD make the decision for you either.
 

 

[Caramoole]

26 minutes ago, Summer9173 said:

I just really respect my boyfriend and I don’t want anything effecting our relationship

Have I missed something here   Can I just remind you of this thread from about 10 days ago

 

The fears you're having at the moment are the false, inflated doubts of OCD but you should also consider the problems you encounter in your relationship on a regular basis.  These are both things to consider and you should put yourself first and if you feel it's tge job you want you should go for it and put the other stuff behind you

[Lynz]

Take the job Summer!!!!

(And congratulations! )

[Summer9173]

1 hour ago, Caramoole said:

Have I missed something here   Can I just remind you of this thread from about 10 days ago

 

The fears you're having at the moment are the false, inflated doubts of OCD but you should also consider the problems you encounter in your relationship on a regular basis.  These are both things to consider and you should put yourself first and if you feel it's tge job you want you should go for it and put the other stuff behind you

Thank you for your reply Caramoole, my relationship was really bad back then and we had a conversation about it as I couldn’t go on anymore. It was sort of like he panicked which I expected and I said words can’t replace the hurt so I’ve been seeing through he’s actions which has massively improved (I’m just sort of waiting to see if he keeps it up really ) but we have been a lot better and he’s really stepped up support wise. I’m just of course waiting to see if that is a long term thing for now.

 

 

[Summer9173]

45 minutes ago, Lynz said:

Take the job Summer!!!!

(And congratulations! )

Thank you so much Lynz, it’s just them awful ocd worries isn’t it I really want this job but I’m already worrying so much about potentially taking a Like in to my supervisor/manager I really don’t want too i’ve dealt with so many horrible intrusive thoughts it’s kind of like I want a break from it all xx

[Lynz]

2 hours ago, Summer9173 said:

Thank you so much Lynz, it’s just them awful ocd worries isn’t it I really want this job but I’m already worrying so much about potentially taking a Like in to my supervisor/manager I really don’t want too i’ve dealt with so many horrible intrusive thoughts it’s kind of like I want a break from it all xx

I understand completely but if you didn't take the job because of these worries then that would be avoidance, which as you know only makes OCD worse. You can't possibly expect to try and navigate through life in order to avoid coming into contact with anyone you fancy. If this guy didn't work there and you started this job with no prior worries, then who is to say that a different guy will start there after you, who you might end up liking? Would you quit your job then if that happened? No, the idea is to recognise these thoughts as just thoughts, and challenge the idea that you're not allowed to like other people if you're already in a relationship. It's inevitable that you will like other people at some point in your life, but what counts is what you do about it. If you don't act on your attraction and don't actively flirt/pursue/cheat etc, then that is you being faithful to your partner. Just liking someone and not doing anything about it is not cheating, and it doesn't "mean" anything in terms of your current relationship.

Believe me I went through all of this when I was younger. I think a lot of these beliefs come with being young when a lot of us are insecure in our relationships, and only when you get a bit older do you realise that they're not true. Also OCD can add a whole extra layer of stress into the mix as well which isn't helpful!

Well done again on getting the job and I'm sure you'll be fab.

Edited May 12, 2022 by Lynz

[Summer9173]

1 hour ago, Lynz said:

I understand completely but if you didn't take the job because of these worries then that would be avoidance, which as you know only makes OCD worse. You can't possibly expect to try and navigate through life in order to avoid coming into contact with anyone you fancy. If this guy didn't work there and you started this job with no prior worries, then who is to say that a different guy will start there after you, who you might end up liking? Would you quit your job then if that happened? No, the idea is to recognise these thoughts as just thoughts, and challenge the idea that you're not allowed to like other people if you're already in a relationship. It's inevitable that you will like other people at some point in your life, but what counts is what you do about it. If you don't act on your attraction and don't actively flirt/pursue/cheat etc, then that is you being faithful to your partner. Just liking someone and not doing anything about it is not cheating, and it doesn't "mean" anything in terms of your current relationship.

Believe me I went through all of this when I was younger. I think a lot of these beliefs come with being young when a lot of us are insecure in our relationships, and only when you get a bit older do you realise that they're not true. Also OCD can add a whole extra layer of stress into the mix as well which isn't helpful!

Well done again on getting the job and I'm sure you'll be fab.

Thank you for being so understanding Lynz, I hope I haven’t made anybody angry for still being with my boyfriend but it’s been 2 years of support and love which recently went downhill and we’re trying to pick it up and make effort which I’m noticing he’s making (I’m just waiting to see if it of course stays  ) 

 

I agree I really do want this job Lynz, I hope I make the right decision as HR is such an incredible experience. I think it’s because this guy is in his mid-20’s automatically my brain goes ‘oh somebody young your going to have a crush on him sorry!’ You know I love my boyfriend dearly and the idea of having a crush on somebody else would make me feel incredibly uncomfortable and cause so much distress - but would it actually be a crush or is it my mind sort of making me think it’s a crush because of the ocd? 
 

Thank you so much for being so kind Lynz I’m glad you understand what I’m going through but I’m so sorry it must’ve been such an awful torment  the only thing is my boyfriend doesn’t know I have ocd and I don’t think he’d understand about it either. He doesn’t know I’ve been off my current role due to the ocd if anything I’m already lying to him, I’m really proud of myself and want my relationship to work I’m just so scared my ocd is going to get in the way of both my new job and my relationship - just want to make myself proud

[Mini]

Congratulations and what a fantastic achievement to get the job. Please be really proud of yourself! Take the job and show them how great you are. 

[Rosie01]

Congratulations summer! I know what it’s like not telling your partner about your ocd however your still young please don’t pressure yourself  I had a similar situation in a past work place, I didn’t find him attractive at all but of course my ocd persuaded me I did…. He was a lot younger too so I felt immense guilt. But overtime I knew it was the ocd talking and finding other people attractive most certainly isn’t cheating!!