9 months pregnant and struggling

[Tikiti35]

My husband has OCD and Anxiety which presents at intrusive thoughts linked with real life events. About a month ago he had a night out and ended up looking after a friend who drank way too much and needed an ambulance. My husband was pretty much sober but because of what happened his OCD is telling him he was the one who was drunk and that he cheated on me with someone underage.

These intrusive thoughts are killing him, it’s been over a month now and nothing seams to be working. Medication hasn’t helped, therapy hasn’t helped and he’s slowly giving up on life. I’m terrified everyday that I’m going to get a phone call or visit from the police telling me he’s ended his life. 
 

I don’t know what to do anymore or how to help. I’m 9 months pregnant and I’m trying to stay calm for the baby but I’m really struggling to cope, which is nothing compared to what my husband is going through.

Even in his worst days he’s the best part of my life and it’s heartbreaking that he’s going through this and I can’t do anything to help. He’s a wonderful kind person but he can’t see that anymore. 

if anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it because I’m terrified my whole world is going to fall apart 

Thank you 

[snowbear]

Hi Tikiti and welcome to the forum.

There's a limit to what you can do for him, any change mainly has to come from him. Do you know why therapy was unsuccessful? Was it difficulty engaging with the ideas being discussed, or that he couldn't resist compulsions, or something else?

Is he working, or has he meaningful activities to do each day? The more time his mind is occupied with other thoughts the less time there is to ruminate. When things are slipping downhill, a good starting place is to put some structure and routine back into the day. Diet, exercise, sleep and keeping occupied are all important.

Congratulations on the imminent arrival of your new baby.   It's common for OCD to be triggered by fears of becoming a parent and I wonder if that contributed to this episode. Is he looking forward to the birth, taking pride in becoming a dad? Practical things such as preparing a nursery or reading up on parenthood might give him a sense of purpose and usefulness - an important psychological aspect to encourage if someone is despairing or suicidal.

And there's no reason he can't practise your breathing and relaxation exercises for the birth with you, see if they help him to relax and refocus too.

Does he have much insight into his OCD? What about a self-help book to try some CBT at home?

It's hard to make detailed suggestions without knowing him better. Would he consider joining the forum for support and to learn about how OCD woeks and how to overcome it? Or perhaps he'd find one of our support group chats via zoom helpful? The link is here if you want to look into that further.

Do let us know how things are going and if you have any questions this is the place to ask.