Guest hannahmaniac Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I let my OCD get the better of me today I found 2 pieces of glass from the smashed wine glass on my floor near my toilet door, I got scared that maybe they had fallen out of the lads pants and decided to do something which I now realise was my OCD. I got the sharp edge of one peice of the glass and started scratchin my skin with it to see of it would make me bleed, it gave me cuts but it didnt make me bleed so I started to feel better because that meant that he probably didnt but now I'm scared that there might have been some of the virus on the glass, but am the virus would have died off am I right? This sounds so stupid but it couldnt come back to life in my cuts could it? Can somebody please help? I need another hug as well Hannah x Link to comment
Guest smile Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment. I cant really give you much advice, but I do feel for you and I am sending you some hugs :hug: Link to comment
Guest Nicky E Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Hannah Read everything above and believe it. You are listening to the OCD and not taking any notice of what is written above. What eveyone has said makes perfect sense. Trust them all, please. Be angry with the OCD, turn on it. Dont let it win. You know you arent HIV. I wish I could help more. I can read this totally calmly and see that you are making an absolute mountain out of a very small molehill. Tell it go go away - you havent got HIV. Believe me and everyone else Take care of yourself, you deserve that - you dont deserve all this, Nicky :original: Link to comment
Guest Smudger Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Hannah Read everything above and believe it. You are listening to the OCD and not taking any notice of what is written above. What eveyone has said makes perfect sense. Trust them all, please. Be angry with the OCD, turn on it. Dont let it win. You know you arent HIV. I wish I could help more. I can read this totally calmly and see that you are making an absolute mountain out of a very small molehill. Tell it go go away - you havent got HIV. Believe me and everyone else Take care of yourself, you deserve that - you dont deserve all this, Nicky :original: Hannah-please listen to and understand what Nicky has just told you, because she is absolutely right. Link to comment
Guest hannahmaniac Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 (edited) Hey I just thought I would write some stuff that might explain why I'm so **** at absorbing all this information. It might seem as though I'm not being strong by not fighting the OCD but in the past when I first had OCD, I was having suicidal thoughts. I remember walking down the stairs once to get the paracetemol and then stopping myself. There were other times when I thought what would be the best way to do it? The least painful way? I used to pick my hands everyday, picking skin out, I used to pick my face, I used to cry every day. I'm not doing that now. I was better for 6 months so its not like I dont know what I'm meant to be doing. At the moment in my life, my Dad is very ill with his alcoholism and my best friends girlfriend has been spreading rumours that I dont like her and have been picking on her so thats stressing me out, add to that University and the fact that I've just had one of the biggest triggers of my obssession happen to me, I can't help that think although I am being ****, I have reason to be **** about it. Like I said I was better for six months so I know what I need to do, and I'm really trying, honestly, but with all the stress I'm under, its really difficult. I guess I just wanted to explain myself, Hannah x Edited January 23, 2006 by Guest Link to comment
Atlantis Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Hey! You're not **** Hannah - you just have a condition - and, it's not your fault hon. john x Link to comment
Guest honey Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Hi Hannah You are not being silly or anything like that - don't be too hard on yourself. You have OCD and loads of other stuff going on too so it is really not surprising at all. Just take it slowly, give yourself a break. By the way, about the wine glass and the virus surviving on it - no chance. The virus dies in minutes outside the body. All the best - honey Link to comment
Guest Smudger Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 No need to explain yourself Hannah-there isn't one of us here that doesn't understand how hard it can be to see through the OCD and absorb the truth! Sorry to hear about everything that's going on in your life, but please remember that we're always here for you, and this is one place where you are always welcome to talk openly and honestly about what's on your mind-even if you just want to go over the same ground. Take care. Link to comment
Guest hannahmaniac Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Well, I went for my test today, wasn't exactly the most pleasant experience I've ever had! If you ever want a reason for never having sex again, go get a full screen! lol. Its made me feel a little more tense about things, I think its cos its all been brought to the foreground, she ended up telling me all this information about how HIV changes your life, even though I already knew. I mean I know she just has to tell me anyway, but I was just thinking argh!! this is why I'm scared of it!! But anyway, just thought I would update Hannah x Link to comment
Guest Smudger Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I've been there a few times myself-not the most pleasant of experiences, I know! When do you get your results (if you don't mind me asking)? Link to comment
Guest hannahmaniac Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 (edited) They said the results will take bout 2 weeks and if I dont hear from them in 3 weeks then there is nothing to report, but I have to go back in mid-april for another blood test Still feeling a little nervous now though Hannah x Edited January 24, 2006 by Guest Link to comment
Guest honey Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Well done Hannah! You got through it. Have a nice evening - you deserve it. honey Link to comment
Guest hannahmaniac Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Hey I'm feeling worse today, I'm ill with my OCD, like you know when you've been stressin a lot and you end up just feeling like ? I have been worrying about the pants situation and thinking they were only cotton, and semen would have soaked through and got onto me down there and then I would have caught it. I've been told that the pants would have stopped the virus getting through, but even if the semen soaked through? What then? Then I dreamt about it all, dreaming that you can definately catch it this way and that I had it, this is the worse thing for me when I can't even get away from my OCD in my sleep. Part of me wants to phone up the sexual health line and bombard them with questions and part of me doesnt and it feels like my head is going to explode! argh! :blowup: lol Can anyone help? Hannah x Link to comment
Guest Smudger Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Hannah, please trust me when I say that you are at absolutely no risk from what you've described. This is your OCD getting desperate-it's lies aren't standing up to scrutiny so it's trying increasingly more bizarre and unlikely scenarios as methods of trying to keep you under its control. As I'm sure I've said to you before, if I genuinely thought you were at risk I would have told you by now so that you wouldn't do anything that may put others at risk. I'm not medically qualified to speak about HIV/AIDS, but I've read and understood enough written by experts and those living with the virus to know that you aren't at risk. I hope you'll be able to beat the OCD Hannah-I know how horrible this is. Link to comment
Atlantis Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Hannah that could be possible if: The guy was infected in the first place (of this you have no evidence) and his infected semen had been pumping iron on steroids, training really hard every day, bought a microscopic 1000cc superbike (especially adapted for sperm use) fitted with a battering ram to punch through clothing layers including wool, nylon, polyester & cotton - then get through a second layer of clothing, once through all that, navigated its way around your ****** untill it found the entrance (this is only if the superbike came fitted with SATNAV as standard) then, activated the spikes on the tires allowing for traction up and into the ******. Once there, the sperm dismounts - opens a specially adapted bottle of Lucozade sport for jizz, takes some more steroids, lets them kick in for a bit whilst he phones home to say that it's taking longer than first thought and he's running out of air, so therefore stick his dinner in the microwave and tape Emmerdale, as due to the lack of oxegen which affceted him during the boxer short leg of the journey, he might die soon ( the virus dies in open air, as does semen) so he might not be home after all. When finished the chat he then has to find a way of infecting you, by which time, he probably quite simply could not be to finish the job. far fetched babe? so's OCD. Link to comment
Guest honey Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 OCDJ you have put a smile on my face! Have you ever though of becoming a biology teacher? The kids would love your lessons.... honey Link to comment
Atlantis Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 I'd be a great teacher if it wasn't for OCD Link to comment
Guest honey Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Know what you mean. But teaching does keep you busy (breaking up fights...running the school disco....checking the toilets for smokers.....) and that does keep your mind off your OCD....I suppose..... Anyway, I just loved the advice you gave to Hannah! honey Link to comment
Guest thingiemajig Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 2 weeks for the results of a HIV blood test?! You're kidding, that is disgusting!!!! When I had mine it was next day, and I thought that was quite a long time. The reason I had mine Hannah is for exactly the same reason, HIV OCD, I've only had one partner who I've had intercourse with, always protected. The thing that's worse, or I think it is, is it's not really a fear about me having it, but having passed it on to my partner somehow which is a horrible burden of guilt and responsibility. Came back negative the next day. It helped for about 4 hours - but a very nice 4 hours. This was about 15 months ago and I've not been rid of my fear since, being particuarly bad again over the past 2 weeks. The main thing is, with this particular fear, you're not alone. On top of all the other advice, see your GP, make sure you have some meds. Are you going through any talking therapies? Link to comment
Guest hannahmaniac Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 ArGh! I cant stop thinking bout this. I have so many scenarios in my head that I cant stop thinking about, the main one at the moment is that I will never be loved by anyone else again, or be intimate with someone I love because of thinking I have something. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these thoughts so I dont I dont get low at the prospect of never being with anyone ever again!? I mean I am at that age where I want to make the most of what I have, lol, sooner or later its all gonna start getting a bit more flabby, but I am too scared to even flirt with a fella just incase he thinks he's on to something and then gets angry at me when I dont go through with it. To be honest, I've only ever gone through with something through not wanting to lead a lad on once, and it turned out to be the lad whose got me in this state so I've learnt a lesson, but I'm still scared of all this, that I might have something although people have repeatedly told me its unlikely. I guess what I'm asking is does anyone have any advice on how to not let these thoughts ruin my life? I'm terrified I've already ruined it as it is. Hannah x Link to comment
Guest hannahmaniac Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 dilemma!!!! My mate al's friend is coming up from manchester and I really like him and he really likes me, only I'm worried bout getting with him. When I say gettin with him, I'll let him know that all I'm gonna do is kiss him (and thats only if it comes to that), I'll just explain I've had a bit of trouble with lads recently and dont really wanna go any further and if he doesnt like it, him. Thing is, I dont know whether I am comfortable kissing him with my recent OCD stuff going on, I know you cant pass anything on via kissing, but thats not what my OCD is saying. Shall I just go for it? Make the most of being a single 19 year old? I dont know what to do Being a bit of loser really, but he is lovely, :blushing: hate having OCD Hannah x Link to comment
Guest hannahmaniac Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 (edited) I told my flatmates bout this guy comin up and they said '**** him, you only live once' but when I said I didn't feel comfortable doing that I could hear them talking bout it as I left the room. I dont know why I bother sometimes, I mean its not as if I can say 'well I cant cos my OCD makes me scared that I'll catch something terrible if I even kiss him' then they'd definately have something to say!!! aRgH!!! sorry, just needed to rant!!! x Edited January 30, 2006 by Guest Link to comment
Guest honey Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Hi Hannah Shar is right - you don't have to do anything you don't want to. What about having a talk, going to the cinema, going to the pub, going for a walk in the park? There are loads of things you can do with him other than the one your friends suggested. I know it sounds a bit idealistic, but why not? Kissing by the way is fine, I have never seen any research to suggest otherwise. Do something nice together, cook a meal, have a talk and explain that at the moment you don't want to go any further. You're not wasting being 19 - there is plenty of time for ******** (as your mates so delicately put it!) later on. You are in charge of your own body and this guy should like you for more than sex. Love honey Link to comment
Guest hannahmaniac Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I cant stop thinking about this, I dont know why I'm writing this, I'm just repeating myself over and over. But I guess its therapuetic. I'm having trouble getting it out of my head, its there the majority of the time, when a guy talks to me and shows some remote sign of interest I tell myself to stop being interesting etc that way he wont start to like me and he wont be at danger. I'm very scared obviously. Its all in my dreams too, I just cant get away from it. I'm not angry and it doesnt make me feel like I'm going crazy, it just makes me feel very sad and scared. BTW I'm currently listening to the song 'Turning Japanese' as I write this which I couldnt do pretty much a year ago cos it was linked to my OCD, so I guess thats good. Hannah x Link to comment
Rachie Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 How are you feeling now, Hannah? x Link to comment
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