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It just doesn’t stop where something else happens again. Whenever I’m off from work for multiple days I tend to feel better since I’m not around people. But than at work more scenarios with OCD happen when I’m around a lot of people which trigger a lot of my intrusive thoughts. I feel like I acted on thoughts today again even though nothing actual happens. I was in a bad mood going into work today which caused my thoughts & feelings to be at a high level. When a co-worker was near me & she had to move near me I felt like I touched her or wanted to touch into her inappropriately. Also when she got closer to me when she had to pass near me it felt like I wanted to kiss her where it felt so real like it genuinely actually happened or that I wanted it to. Than there was a kid nearby soon after & he wasn’t right next to me but I moved in his direction at the same time I saw him like I wanted something bad to happen. I’m just sick of this. Every time I’m doing somewhat ok some new scenario pops up & I’m extremely stressed out & bothered all over again. My issue is in the times where it feels like I wanted something to actually happen or it felt like it did happen. 

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I had the very same theme as you, and I remember that I tried to help you multiple times. 

Can you tell me why it is so hard for you to accept, that this is all OCD and nothing else? Are you ALSO aware that OCD causes these kinds of thoughts and that you just need to stop your compulsions, to get rid of them, aka that you need to "re-train" your brain to not associate any other person as somebody you could do something inappropriate to? And that all of this is STILL OCD? 

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9 hours ago, discuccsant said:

I had the very same theme as you, and I remember that I tried to help you multiple times. 

Can you tell me why it is so hard for you to accept, that this is all OCD and nothing else? Are you ALSO aware that OCD causes these kinds of thoughts and that you just need to stop your compulsions, to get rid of them, aka that you need to "re-train" your brain to not associate any other person as somebody you could do something inappropriate to? And that all of this is STILL OCD? 

It's hard for me to relax even when I think or try to tell myself it's OCD. There's always that doubt that it might not be since it sometimes feels like I genuinely want the thoughts or that I acted on the thought even though nothing actually happened but it feels so real.

Edited by NJ321
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8 hours ago, NJ321 said:

It's hard for me to relax even when I think or try to tell myself it's OCD. There's always that doubt that it might not be since it sometimes feels like I genuinely want the thoughts or that I acted on the thought even though nothing actually happened but it feels so real.

Okay, I understand that. What you need to do is to take the leap of faith here - there is nothing else you can do. You NEED to see that it is just OCD. I think the first step to actually "believe" that, is getting an official diagnosis → Do you have any? 

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@discuccsanti am the same I cannot let go and find myself constantly questioning if it's ocd and if I was bad, even though my whole ocd theme is totally against who I am, therefor that's the reason it's an obsession as it's so upsetting to me! Basically as usual ocd grabs onto something you fear most or that you don't want to harm and convinces you that you're the opposite. @NJ321how is it that I can clearly see that whatever you type on here is 100% ocd...yet I can't with my own topic, strange isn't it! 
But I see similarities all the time, with you and many others, our themes are different but our illness is the same...

I should take my own advice but as usual ocd is a hard one to crack!

we don't want to be what we fear, we aren't what we fear because if we were...it wouldn't be a fear! It can test us but in the end it's all OCD. 
 

 

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Calm down. Everyone who experienced something due to OCD, seems to forget, that it is still OCD. 

I had similar episodes, where it felt like, as if I acted willingly on an intrusive thought for a brief moment and just came into realization after the very moment itself - I hated myself for that. That was much worse than all the checking compulsions I did  before - and I felt horrible about them as well, like you do. And suddenly the guilt about doing these checking/testing compulsions completely fade away. So you have to deal with something "much easier" than I do. And trust me: OCD will give you worse and worse guilty "incidents", as long as you keep feeding it by ruminating over it. Stop it. 

You know what's the trick? To see that, before something "more horrible" happens: no matter how "EVIL" something seems for the sufferer regarding his thoughts/actions, it isn't. Your OCD lets you see things as something much worse, than they truly are. I think it's quite normal that people want to have clarity whether their fear is true or not, so I wouldn't feel bad about that at all, especially because all these checking moments are always completely trivial, nobody else would even care about. Obviously, you should stop doing the checking compulsions, because it just feeds into your OCD. But feeling guilty about them? Nope. Stop listening to the liar in your head and start practicing self-compassion. 

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7 hours ago, discuccsant said:

Calm down. Everyone who experienced something due to OCD, seems to forget, that it is still OCD. 

I had similar episodes, where it felt like, as if I acted willingly on an intrusive thought for a brief moment and just came into realization after the very moment itself - I hated myself for that. That was much worse than all the checking compulsions I did  before - and I felt horrible about them as well, like you do. And suddenly the guilt about doing these checking/testing compulsions completely fade away. So you have to deal with something "much easier" than I do. And trust me: OCD will give you worse and worse guilty "incidents", as long as you keep feeding it by ruminating over it. Stop it. 

You know what's the trick? To see that, before something "more horrible" happens: no matter how "EVIL" something seems for the sufferer regarding his thoughts/actions, it isn't. Your OCD lets you see things as something much worse, than they truly are. I think it's quite normal that people want to have clarity whether their fear is true or not, so I wouldn't feel bad about that at all, especially because all these checking moments are always completely trivial, nobody else would even care about. Obviously, you should stop doing the checking compulsions, because it just feeds into your OCD. But feeling guilty about them? Nope. Stop listening to the liar in your head and start practicing self-compassion. 

I'm trying but it's so hard to move past this. It just a lot of time feels like it's automatic where I feel stressed out & I can't escape the thoughts. It almost feels like there's nothing I can do to stop it due to how my brain operates. Even when I tell myself it's OCD I still stress out bad.

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10 hours ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

@discuccsanti am the same I cannot let go and find myself constantly questioning if it's ocd and if I was bad, even though my whole ocd theme is totally against who I am, therefor that's the reason it's an obsession as it's so upsetting to me! Basically as usual ocd grabs onto something you fear most or that you don't want to harm and convinces you that you're the opposite. @NJ321how is it that I can clearly see that whatever you type on here is 100% ocd...yet I can't with my own topic, strange isn't it! 
But I see similarities all the time, with you and many others, our themes are different but our illness is the same...

I should take my own advice but as usual ocd is a hard one to crack!

we don't want to be what we fear, we aren't what we fear because if we were...it wouldn't be a fear! It can test us but in the end it's all OCD. 
 

 

I think it's due to not knowing the feelings, urges & thoughts another person had during their theme that we do for ours. Like I can read what someone else writes & know it's OCD but because I don't know what they were feeling in the moment it's easier to know it's OCD for the outsider than the one experiencing the thoughts, feelings & urges that come with it for the individual.

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A similar situation again happened today with another co-worker where it felt real in the moment. I'm just sick of this. It's beyond draining stressing out over this where it legit feels like in the moment I want something to happen. It's so draining with the thoughts constantly. It's beyond difficult to move past it when I legit feel like I wanted something to happen while it's happening in the moment.

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