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I feel like a cheat (Is this ROCD?)


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Hi guys

my head is pounding atm and i feel like i am a terrible person and need to confess. I would really appreciate any advice on this situation as it is new to me.

Basically my partner and i run a small business online and we were buying from a new supplier on Instagram last weekend. This guy has a really sexy voice and is from Pakistan,

I have never seen what this guy looks like but he sounds attractive. Does that make sense? anyway we had good rapport and my partner said is he flirting with me which he wasn't. I think he is gay like myself.

This  is where the problem is, i wanted to add his shop page onto my personal insta account so i can see any new items going on etc as things get lost on the work account quite easily. Plus if he wanted to talk to me directly there he could.

My mind is making me out to be a cheat as i wanted to add him to my personal account and my mind is telling me that i want to flirt with him and keep our conversations secret from my partner. I don't know what is true in my head anymore on this.

I feel so bad about have the thought of adding him and my mind is telling me that i dont love my partner anymore cos i wanted to do this in the 1st place. Am i over reacting here?

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1 hour ago, cam said:

That really doesn't help 

Maybe you should start answering the question with yes and dismiss all the "What If's" in your head? 

At some point you need to see how OCD works and not give into all the doubts, you do in fact feed, by asking for reassurance here. 

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7 hours ago, cam said:

feel like i am a terrible person and need to confess.

OCD loves to make people feel like this :( I’ve been in a similar situation where I thought I fancied somebody in my work, which meant I was going to fall in love, cheat on my boyfriend, break his heart and be this absolutely awful person, looking at that cycle myself now it just seems so silly to me, but at the time in that moment of an OCD blip, it’s so heightened that nothing can help reason. That was the whole issue, trying to reason with it, it wasn’t real it, it was just a thought of which I attached so much meaning too because it went against everything I stood by. It repeated in my head because I didn’t want it so it became sticky and horrible!! 
We don’t remember thoughts that have no meaning to us like ‘the sky looks pretty tonight’, so the thought just drifts away and we forget about it. It’s a slow process and I’m on that journey myself too, but it does get easier with practice. The OCD isn’t you, it’s a medical condition which is very sneaky, and can convince you that you’re the issue here when that’s clearly not the case at all. 

 

The OCD gremlin is trying to convince you your this horrible cheating person which your not. The fact your so upset about it and worried shows that Intrusive thought goes against everything of who you are. I get this theme quite a lot here and there, it’s always the ‘Am I a cheat’ then look on google for 10 hours a day to find a definite answer. All of that ruminating and doing my compulsions like researching really just makes me feel so much worse than if I’d leave it be. There’s nothing wrong with finding somebody’s voice attractive :) there’s an older guy in my work whose voice is very attractive too, but when my OCD tries to twist it I’ll try my best to listen to it even more. The more I’ve done that the more I’ve actually seen how much of a dramatic princess OCD is 😂😂OCD is literally like a screaming toddler who wants attention, you let it be and carry on and it loses that power. Sorry I hope this helps :) I struggle with this type of theme too, so please remember that you’re not alone.

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