My ocd has changed from hocd to pocd to animalocd rocd and real event ocd

[determination987]

2 hours ago, Amiamonster said:

Thank you again you guys have been amazing and I'm feeling alot better allready I knew I was not an evil person really thinking about stuff I did when I was young is stupid.as I was not worried back then or ever since until recently last few weeks.i need to man up and ignore the ocd like I did with all the other OCD topics that have been attacking me and forget about what went on that day back when I was young I'm an old man now 46 years old.anywy cant thank you guys that have commented on my thread and truly helped me I really appreciate your time you have put my mind at ease I should be able to get my first night sleep tonight as I've not sleped properly in 3 weeks since this worry started and lost 12 lbs from not eating hardly any food 

I find that sleep and eating really affect my mood which then can exacerbate OCD for me. I think a good night’s sleep and some healthy meals will really help

Be kinder to yourself and treat your body to what it needs. Give yourself rewards and celebrate the small wins. Try not to give into the negative self talk and don’t berate yourself. 

Self compassion goes a long way. OCD is incredibly distressing and you’re here wanting to get better. Try and practice what we’ve said and acknowledge the thoughts but refrain from the compulsions. It will be hard but you’re going to feel so much better without the compulsions and you won’t need that reassurance. 

 

[MarieJo]

If anything bad had happened you would not have forgotten it for 30 odd years. Nobody would forget a terrible incident like rape, especially a deep thinking sensitive soul. It's ocd for sure.  The theme changes but the doubt is the same....and your constant ruminating is fuelling it. Let it go.

[Amiamonster]

On 12/07/2022 at 23:24, MarieJo said:

If anything bad had happened you would not have forgotten it for 30 odd years. Nobody would forget a terrible incident like rape, especially a deep thinking sensitive soul. It's ocd for sure.  The theme changes but the doubt is the same....and your constant ruminating is fuelling it. Let it go.

Just came back to check the thread my ocd started going crazy again after feeling a bit better but was watching tv and someone mentioned this subject matter and it spiked me back into deep stress and worry,Thank you so much what I've decribed about that night is pretty much what happened also I think the other boys were messing around with some condoms aswell cant remember anything else or important details ,it was  just young people being stupid I guess .I would never knowingly want to seriously hurt nobody that's the truth.thanks you all for the support in this site and hopefully this thread helps others that had a similar thing happen to them with there friends back when they were young and are suddenly now freaking out about it 35 to 40 years later

Love you guys I'm going to try not to come back and post because it's just becoming an obsession I was trying not to come back and check this thread but I got anxious today and needed to check if anyone thought I was bad or sick or twisted evil and a bad human being for what happened that I decribed 

Edited July 19, 2022 by Amiamonster

[Amiamonster]

I've finnally got some counselling arranged  not got a start date but I've got the ball rolling

[Handy]

One thing I noticed about people writing really long posts is that they are on caffeine or some mental stimulant. These raise OCD symptoms so one obsesses more. Avoid them 

[DRS1]

8 hours ago, Handy said:

One thing I noticed about people writing really long posts is that they are on caffeine or some mental stimulant. These raise OCD symptoms so one obsesses more. Avoid them 

@Handy I'm not sure on the relationship of caffeine and increased symptoms of OCD but I would say that this isn't necessarily an indication of writing long posts. I don't take caffeine at all but when I communicate I struggle to say things in a concise way. Part of that for me is something I struggle with as an autistic person as I always end up going round in circles so I find it more helpful to do longer posts so that hopefully posts that need context have it and can at least be read to a level that makes some sort of sense to others. I always get what I want to say but typing it or writing it out is a bit of a challenge. Thought at the very least it was worthwhile mentioning.

[Amiamonster]

So I'm feeling alot better  now knowing me and the other boy from 35 40 years ago are not rapists sex offenders ,it was killing me inside, I'm still jumpy and can spike easily still if someone mentions rape or any offence I start panicking, and going over and over that night again for the 1000000000 time.so next week I get therapy I have no ide what type though.oh to the other poster I do drink monster alot so I should lay off it?does it definitely make my ocd symptoms and compustions worse?

Ps I may change my forum name reason I'm back gain today Is I had a bit of a bad relapse today and felt I had to come and check .hopefully this horrible ocd topic will pass soon and change to something else

Edited August 3, 2022 by Amiamonster

[AnxiousAnnie]

Personally think energy drinks are awful. Would def stop them.

[Amiamonster]

Oh god sorry guys I'm back again ,was doing well until I had a bad thought today that maybe I remembered it wrong and maybe what happened was the other boy and possibly myself slapped the award statue thing the older boy put down his own trousers apparanty in his ass but i dont know if he really did though as he had clothes on,

But what I'm freaking out about now is I originally thought  and I'm pretty sure the gay one put it in his trousers or pants or whatever and you could see the shape of the item and then the other boy slapped his trousers hitting the statue through the trousers and maybe even I did  it also but I cant really be sure if I did,I think that was it was at most but my ocd is doubting everything 

But my brain is telling me today that he may have had the item hanging out the back of his trousers but in his butt  again I dont know where it was could have been down the side of his leg for all I know,but what if the other boy and maybe myself slapped the actual statue thing and and not the trousers does this mean that's sexual assult /rape I'm freaking .I wish I could remember the details but so many many decades ago it's just impossible for me to remember now.and like I said in the original post the fact that he said the next time we went round his house to all hang out that his ass was sore and we raped him not sure if he was joking or just being silly or exaggerating and used the rape word wrongly when he should not have really doesn't help my worry .he even threatened to tell people once to embarrass us , when I think when the other boy got into a minor disagreement about what movie to watch or some bs like that I guess.but I think he was joking or not being serious like kids and young people are.i have no idea but I cannot go on living thinking I may be a rapist or a sexual assultist. I'm 46 now so it was a lifetime ago

 

all because I cant rember back one random night at a friends way over 30 years ago.i was not worried at the time or through my entire life,up until recently ocd flipped from gay hocd ocd to animal to pedo then finally to this rape real event ocd, and now I cannot shake it off and my brain keeps trying to prove I'm a rapist sexual monster buy making me rember bits and pieces .I'm in hell I would never knowingly hurt or rape or sexual assault anyone  no way.in my mind deep down I know I haven't raped or sexually assaulted anyone even if I did take part in this kids game of dare or whatever it was because nobody forced him,but then my brain says what if he was forced and you dont rember that part or what if he said stop and it didn't, these things keep throwing a spanner in ,sometimes I'm fine and I'm like it's nothing just a stupid game when was a teen or young and other times I'm reading up all the definitions of sexual assault by penetration and rape etc etc,then I'm looking at the sentences you get for these crimes and then I have a panic attack, then I try to justify it and say most people have probbly done this type of silly games as a youngster and they woukd not be worried unless they also had rape ocd as there latest topic.

Edited September 16, 2022 by Amiamonster

[Amiamonster]

Was thinking about showing this thread I made to my therapist so i dont have to freak out and have a panic attack and exolain this real event ocd story again I hate thinking about this as its killing me and I'm scared she will agree and say yes you are a sickko monster criminal etc etc

[Amiamonster]

@DRS1  why do you think I'm still worrying about this buddy? when the worry went away and I felt better but since yesterday I had more unwanted thoughts about that night that was making me doubt some of the original information of the way I described the events.im pretty sure how I described it has been pretty accurate but ocd makes me doubt everything to do with this event  due to it being so long ago and not remembering what happened clearly ,then I went down a rabbit hole online google about rape and sexual assault for 10 hours straight and then my brain spin out of control as I've not even eaten or slept just been googling am I rapist etc etc.deep down I know I'm not and you guys agreed, but this ocd makes you keep checking ,and adding more info, I really don't want to come back to the thread with more information that may or may not be true come into my head then have to check everything is ok and I'm not a monster like my Brian is telling me.you guys have been a great help I'm scared to tell the therapist as she is not nice and I'm scared 

Edited September 17, 2022 by Amiamonster

[DRS1]

4 minutes ago, Amiamonster said:

@DRS1 

I would consider showing your therapist the tread actually as it really demonstrates how caught in the OCD cycle you are. You keep going over this one event and trying to get reassurance on it from people but it doesn't matter what we tell you, OCD will never be satisfied enough to leave it alone. You can only make it less of an issue by stopping the compulsions. It was a past event, no matter what OCD says, it's not like you can control for any potential consequences of that event now. You need to recognise the urgency when you feel like asking for reassurance. The urgency is a good indication that you don't need to get the reassurance as its just trying to benefit OCD. There are similarities actually between you and a few others I've saw with posts in the sense that there is a pattern of posting the whole story time and time again in full in order to try and get someone to say it was or wasn't something, so take that as an indication of OCD is not original. You need to take the risk that your therapist may think those things because whilst that is a possibility, the other possibility is that this is all OCD and you are suffering incredibly badly from it and need to tell your therapist about it so that they can best help you.

 

A further point, do therapy outside of therapy i.e. do the work you do in therapy when you don't have therapy sessions. By this I mean, don't do a bunch of compulsions after doing the therapy session as its counterproductive to the purpose of therapy: you getting better. You've even demonstrated that the content doesn't matter as the themes switch. You've already taken the risk of starting therapy and that's great so why not take the risk of disclosing this stuff (and be honest with the therapist) and see where it gets you. You may feel stupid or embarrassed or ashamed of yourself but its so necessary to be open with the therapist otherwise they don't have the full picture. 

[Amiamonster]

@DRS1 sorry buddy I edited the post after you had replied my bad did you see the post?

[DRS1]

4 minutes ago, Amiamonster said:

@DRS1 sorry buddy I edited the post after you had replied my bad did you see the post?

have seen it now and my reply doesn't change. Googling is a compulsion that's really not helpful. You need to cut that out too. It's not about whether the therapist is "nice". She may actually be nice but may be stern against the OCD. If you feel she is detrimental to getting better though I'd suggest trying to change therapist. Out of curiosity in what ways is she "not nice"?

[Amiamonster]

38 minutes ago, DRS1 said:

have seen it now and my reply doesn't change. Googling is a compulsion that's really not helpful. You need to cut that out too. It's not about whether the therapist is "nice". She may actually be nice but may be stern against the OCD. If you feel she is detrimental to getting better though I'd suggest trying to change therapist. Out of curiosity in what ways is she "not nice"?

She just seems not interested I didnt go into detail about rape ocd and animal and pedo and gay ocd I'm worried I'm going to feel stupid and embarrassed saying this stuff especially if I mentain all the topics my ocd has changed to in the past.i will try to tell her and show her this thread for sure

 I haven't raped anyone or done anything bad  other wise I would have been freaking worried my entire life and I would never have got over it ,so I know its ocd as this came out of the blue,and I've not been worried or even given it a second thought thoughout my life or at the time as it was just a game /joke/dare etc I've tried to be as honest as possible with what I can remember

As you can see from all this masses of text I've written with as much detail as possible that I've not raped or sexual assault anyone you agree as would anyone ,but why is my ocd telling me I am a monster when I'm not the facts are clear from my story that im no rapist but I dont get why im still worrying about this rubbish ,I was fine last week up until yesterday and fine my entire life until I made this thread not too long ago becsuze that's when this new ocd started 

 

And lastly what did you mean it's not like you can control for any potential  consequences of that event

Edited September 17, 2022 by Amiamonster

[Amiamonster]

i think I just need to man up other people would not be worrying about this I'm sure millions of kids teens and young people have done games like that as jokes or dares and pranks etc etc and if they dont have ocd it would not worry them,but I'm sure if you have ocd then it will haunt them and control them also, even though they haven't done anything bad  just like my situation.

You agreed that what I've described is not a crime or bad so I'm going to man up and try and forget about it and when the thoughts come I'm going to laugh and say bring it on  dont care I'm not a rapist I'll play ocd at it's own game .hopefully I wont be back you guys have been a Rock for me the best forum in the world with kind people 

 

[Amiamonster]

Bump? For any more info 

Edited September 22, 2022 by Amiamonster

[snowbear]

53 minutes ago, Amiamonster said:

Bump? For any more info 

Hi,

I understand you're distressed by the thoughts, but are you really after more info? Or just more reassurance?

You've had detailed informative replies, particularly from DRS1 and you seemed to have taken it on board when you wrote...

On 17/09/2022 at 14:42, Amiamonster said:

i think I just need to man up other people would not be worrying about this I'm sure millions of kids teens and young people have done games like that as jokes or dares and pranks etc etc and if they dont have ocd it would not worry them,but I'm sure if you have ocd then it will haunt them and control them also, even though they haven't done anything bad  just like my situation.

You agreed that what I've described is not a crime or bad so I'm going to man up and try and forget about it and when the thoughts come I'm going to laugh and say bring it on  dont care I'm not a rapist I'll play ocd at it's own game .hopefully I wont be back you guys have been a Rock for me the best forum in the world with kind people 

 

So what's changed? I imaginme it's just that you've got caught up in your ruminations again and started to believe the nonsense OCD is telling you, making a mountain out of a molehill again.

Try to stop yourself from dwelling on it or thinking about this any further. Get busy doing something productive and let it go.

[Amiamonster]

On 22/09/2022 at 20:35, snowbear said:

Hi,

I understand you're distressed by the thoughts, but are you really after more info? Or just more reassurance?

You've had detailed informative replies, particularly from DRS1 and you seemed to have taken it on board when you wrote...

So what's changed? I imaginme it's just that you've got caught up in your ruminations again and started to believe the nonsense OCD is telling you, making a mountain out of a molehill again.

Try to stop yourself from dwelling on it or thinking about this any further. Get busy doing something productive and let it go.

My ocd thought have added a new WHAT IF SCENARIO and I'm freaking out, I was just visiting my parents for the weekend im here now not seen them I'm ages and was really looking forward to it was feeling good and positive,then boom its completly ruined and now im stuck in the spare room alone trying to think, now because of this new thought that my original story of how I remembered the event might be wrong and that it was really nasty vicious and forced and not some stupid childish game I think I remember it as

I just dont know what to do anymore because ocd can say and add pretty much anything about the event and I'm going to believe it because I cannot rember the event clearly as it was decades and decades ago way over 30 years I want to just end it now because I cannot live with this anymore I cannot think about anything else.i just dont understand why this is happening to me now when I never worried  at the time or thoughout my entire life but now I can think of nothing else

Even going to sleep I cannot escape this torchure because I have nightmares about this constantly and the nightmares are very agressive nasty sick and twisted and maybe the truth I dont know what are the real truth of what happened anymore so much rumination and going over that day 1000000000 times in my mind has messed it up and now i have no idea what is true and what is not I'm tottally devastated 

They made me a special dinner and everything but I cannot eat I'm 46 nearly 47 and want to tell them what's wrong but I cannot tell them that I think I may be a sick evil rapist monster criminal

Edited September 25, 2022 by Amiamonster

[DRS1]

17 minutes ago, Amiamonster said:

My ocd thought have added a new WHAT IF SCENARIO and I'm freaking out, I was just visiting my parents for the weekend im here now not seen them I'm ages and was really looking forward to it was feeling good and positive,then boom its completly ruined and now im stuck in the spare room alone trying to think, now because of this new thought that my original story of how I remembered the event might be wrong and that it was really nasty vicious and forced and not some stupid childish game I think I remember it as

I just dont know what to do anymore because ocd can say and add pretty much anything about the event and I'm going to believe it because I cannot rember the event clearly as it was decades and decades ago way over 30 years I want to just end it now because I cannot live with this anymore I cannot think about anything else.i just dont understand why this is happening to me now when I never worried  at the time or thoughout my entire life but now I can think of nothing else

Even going to sleep I cannot escape this torchure because I have nightmares about this constantly and the nightmares are very agressive nasty sick and twisted and maybe the truth I dont know what are the real truth of what happened anymore so much rumination and going over that day 1000000000 times in my mind has messed it up and now i have no idea what is true and what is not I'm tottally devastated 

No, you only keep believing it because it feels real. Trying to remember it doesn't work and you know that. You can just let that thought be there and choose not to do the compulsions. Remember the compulsions are our choice in the matter, the thoughts, images, sensations we experience are not. We can choose not to ruminate and we can choose to not try to figure it out. It doesn't matter if OCD tries the "but this time it's different" tactic, it's still the same mechanisms and the same cycle. Once you stop trying to figure it out and ruminate over it, you are going to find that you don't care about the event/thought at all because its just that a thought. It doesn't have to mean anything. I've found once I've let go of the compulsions I simply don't care and that's not against my values, that's for my values as I don't value compulsions. It is ultimately possible for you to recover from this but in order to do that you need to take the risk that OCD could be right or OCD could be wrong. It's not that simple in practice but the premise is that simple.

 

Get back in the room with your parents and let that thought be there and enjoy visiting your parents despite the thought, despite the feelings, despite this urgency to ruminate and figure it out. Don't avoid everything just for the sake of OCD. Would you believe a random person off the street if they spouted nonsense at you? Of course not. So why not let OCD be that person on the street that you can ignore instead?

[Amiamonster]

48 minutes ago, DRS1 said:

No, you only keep believing it because it feels real. Trying to remember it doesn't work and you know that. You can just let that thought be there and choose not to do the compulsions. Remember the compulsions are our choice in the matter, the thoughts, images, sensations we experience are not. We can choose not to ruminate and we can choose to not try to figure it out. It doesn't matter if OCD tries the "but this time it's different" tactic, it's still the same mechanisms and the same cycle. Once you stop trying to figure it out and ruminate over it, you are going to find that you don't care about the event/thought at all because its just that a thought. It doesn't have to mean anything. I've found once I've let go of the compulsions I simply don't care and that's not against my values, that's for my values as I don't value compulsions. It is ultimately possible for you to recover from this but in order to do that you need to take the risk that OCD could be right or OCD could be wrong. It's not that simple in practice but the premise is that simple.

 

Get back in the room with your parents and let that thought be there and enjoy visiting your parents despite the thought, despite the feelings, despite this urgency to ruminate and figure it out. Don't avoid everything just for the sake of OCD. Would you believe a random person off the street if they spouted nonsense at you? Of course not. So why not let OCD be that person on the street that you can ignore instead?

I just wish this was not a real event ocd then this would be much easier to get over like I've got over all the other sick ocd topics I've had because they never happened and never would happen ,but because it was an event that happened such a long time ago and I cannot remember what happened properly ocd can just say stuff like like it did to my brain last night that instead of the slapping or hitting of a statue, you may have grabbed the item and me and other friend grabbed the friend and forcefully hurt him  with it so that all I have in my mind and I dont know what is true or not anymore I'm breaking down as there is no way to know what really happened I assumed it was closer or the same as the original story as I tried to rember best I could.but my mind threw a spanner in the works last night by saying maybe it was a viscous sick attack I was involved in so now I just dont know what memories are real from the event and what are not real.

i feel I should tell my parents because they are wonderful and wondering why I'm so scared and depressed but telling them that there son I worried he is a sick criminal rapist or something would break there hearts they are in there 70s and cant do that to them and it would kill me even telling them I would never be able to face them again

Edited September 25, 2022 by Amiamonster

[DRS1]

11 minutes ago, Amiamonster said:

I just wish this was not a real event ocd then this would be much easier to get over like I've got over all the other sick ocd topics I've had because they never happened and never would happen ,but because it was an event that happened such a long time ago and I cannot remember what happened properly ocd can just say stuff like like it did to my brain last night that instead of the slapping of a statue , I may have grabbed the item and me and other friend held down the friend and hurt him with it so that all I have in my mind and I dont know what is true or not anymore I'm breaking down as there is no way to know what really happened I assumed it was closer the same as the original story.but my mind threw a spanner in the works last night by saying maybe it was a viscous sick attack I was involved in so now I just dont know what memories are real from the event and what are not

See that repeating of the story you are doing? That's a compulsion in itself, work on reducing that as that's not helping you. The worst OCD "theme" is the current one so as much as this one is particularly bad, there could be another theme OCD switches too that is just as bad for you at that point. It doesn't make a difference of whether or not an event happened or not. The mechanisms are just the same thing. You don't know what's real and not but you're still trying to figure that out. Stop trying to figure it out, it's not worth your time as you aren't going to get any closer to the answer. Try and sit with the anxiety and uncertainty of it without the compulsions. It only gets better when you cut those compulsions out. It's the only thing keeping you from being able to "not care" about it.

[Amiamonster]

1 hour ago, DRS1 said:

See that repeating of the story you are doing? That's a compulsion in itself, work on reducing that as that's not helping you. The worst OCD "theme" is the current one so as much as this one is particularly bad, there could be another theme OCD switches too that is just as bad for you at that point. It doesn't make a difference of whether or not an event happened or not. The mechanisms are just the same thing. You don't know what's real and not but you're still trying to figure that out. Stop trying to figure it out, it's not worth your time as you aren't going to get any closer to the answer. Try and sit with the anxiety and uncertainty of it without the compulsions. It only gets better when you cut those compulsions out. It's the only thing keeping you from being able to "not care" about it.

So I'll just try go with the original story of how I remembered the event or what I think happened and try to ignore the new version of the events that my ocd or brain decided to think of last night to really destroy me and make me suicidal.but the new version scres the hell out of me what if that was what really happened then that means I deserve to die or be in prison for life

 

Thing is I wasn't worried about this until my first post in this thread so logic would tell me if i wasn't worried then i didn't do anything to be worried about so i should not worry now but it's so difficult it's like hell on earth 

 

 

Edited September 25, 2022 by Amiamonster

[DRS1]

2 minutes ago, Amiamonster said:

So should I just go with the original story of how I remembered the event or what I think happened and try to ignore the new agressive violent crime rape story that entrered my brain last night telling me that I'm a sicko and should be dead for what I've done 

 

 

No, you should just stop trying to figure it out in general and leave it alone. You don't need to know either way. You don't. I can't stress that enough. What are you trying to get from all this rumination and trying to remember? Certainty or an answer? Knowing what you know about OCD, do you think you will actually find that or do you think you should leave it alone as I bet you all the attempts you've had at trying to figure this out haven't worked. Not a single one of them would've given you certainty. So you know these compulsions are futile and don't help and you've been told they are actually the thing that's keeping it going so would you rather keep trying to figure this out or would you rather try to take the risk that OCD could be right or it could be wrong?. If it's wrong then you've spent an awful lot of time doing compulsions that you didn't need to do and being terrified of thoughts you didn't need to try and find a solution to. Yeah OCD could be right but you should be willing to take the risk it isn't.

 

It's got to be down to you to be able to make that choice but it's something you need to consider evaluating at this point. There is no trying to remember it this way or that way. You can't rely on it, it's useless because OCD has made that impossible to be a good factor in being able to make that judgement. The only thing you can do then is stop trying to figure it out. I get it's scary to not try to figure it out but that is what you need to do. Try it the next time you are ruminating over it. Bring the thought or image back up, imagine it in vivid detail, exaggerate it and sit with it without the compulsions. Let yourself feel all those feelings and experience those images and thoughts. After a while you'll start to realise none of this was anything to have spent months or years doing compulsions for and that you can tolerate it.

[Amiamonster]

22 minutes ago, DRS1 said:

No, you should just stop trying to figure it out in general and leave it alone. You don't need to know either way. You don't. I can't stress that enough. What are you trying to get from all this rumination and trying to remember? Certainty or an answer? Knowing what you know about OCD, do you think you will actually find that or do you think you should leave it alone as I bet you all the attempts you've had at trying to figure this out haven't worked. Not a single one of them would've given you certainty. So you know these compulsions are futile and don't help and you've been told they are actually the thing that's keeping it going so would you rather keep trying to figure this out or would you rather try to take the risk that OCD could be right or it could be wrong?. If it's wrong then you've spent an awful lot of time doing compulsions that you didn't need to do and being terrified of thoughts you didn't need to try and find a solution to. Yeah OCD could be right but you should be willing to take the risk it isn't.

 

It's got to be down to you to be able to make that choice but it's something you need to consider evaluating at this point. There is no trying to remember it this way or that way. You can't rely on it, it's useless because OCD has made that impossible to be a good factor in being able to make that judgement. The only thing you can do then is stop trying to figure it out. I get it's scary to not try to figure it out but that is what you need to do. Try it the next time you are ruminating over it. Bring the thought or image back up, imagine it in vivid detail, exaggerate it and sit with it without the compulsions. Let yourself feel all those feelings and experience those images and thoughts. After a while you'll start to realise none of this was anything to have spent months or years doing compulsions for and that you can tolerate it.

But your saying the ocd thoughts may be wrong and they might be right, in my mind that means your saying from what I've said happened that day as a kid was a brutal rape attack .I just want people to tell me what I've described is not rape and I am not a rapist that would end this for me I can try move on. I'm thinking about asking my parents if they think my story sounds like rape but I will never be able to see them again after asking such a weird sick question 

To anyone reading this in a similar situation please tell me from my story and this entire thread do you think 

AM I A RAPIST/SEXUAL ASSAULTER//etc etc  deep down I know I'm not but I want other peoples views  I know asking for reassurance is not good in ocd but knowing that others do not think I'm a rapist will let me put this ocd away and I can start to move on just one time I'm asking for reassurance I want you guys honest opinion I've looked up the definitions of all type of assult  sexual assault rape I've read the lot ,how many years in prison all the scary stuff I want my ocd to change to another topic fast and it will once I know that others do not think I'm a monster rapist freak

Edited September 25, 2022 by Amiamonster