What if I hurt my colleague? I’m so distressed

[Summer9173]

Hi everybody, I just wanted to ask how evrybody handles their OCD during a 9/5 Monday-Friday job? I’ve been struggling today for some reason, I’m also beating myself up for it as it’s just one thing after another. I’m still in my probation period, so I feel so much pressure to pass it  

 

On Mondays I have to finish at 6 rather than 5, because I have my therapy first thing. However, everybody leaves the office at 5 so I’m on my own  but today, a smaller older lady whose the marketing consultant was working in my office and she’s still here. I’m getting awful thoughts of ‘What if I strangle her?’ Etc, now I’m getting horrible thoughts that it’s going to be bad like this when I turn up for work tomorrow and the next day etc.

 I know it’s OCD, but why is OCD so good at convincing me it’s all me? 
 

I’m going to wait and stay until 6 with her and not run, it’s just my anxiety is so bad but I keep telling myself, this is good exposure  

Edited July 11, 2022 by Summer9173

[Marie1997]

Hey, I’m really sorry to hear you’re struggling. I’ve been suffering with similar issues with worrying I’ve said or done something bad in work and I totally understand how distressing it is - and how frustrating is it to feel like OCD is invading another element of your life. I’ve found it really helpful to confide in 1 trusted person at work about my OCD. Do you think there’s someone you could talk to? I kind of gradually fed into conversation that I had anxiety then explained it was OCD and how that manifests in work. 

[Summer9173]

1 hour ago, Marie1997 said:

I’ve found it really helpful to confide in 1 trusted person at work about my OCD.

I do really like this idea, I’m just not sure how I’d do it though. I’ve thought about this for a while because I want to feel safe, I liked a post on LinkedIn about OCD hoping colleagues would see maybe but I think maybe getting involved with the mental health projects at work could help too  

 

I know it’s OCD that’s what is so strange, how it can still make you doubt despite knowing it literally is OCD. I told my friend and she giggled saying I’m to short and small to hurt somebody anyway out of humor which did make me laugh I just get so angry at myself when I’ve been doing well then have these blips  

[Veryblue]

3 hours ago, Marie1997 said:

Hey, I’m really sorry to hear you’re struggling. I’ve been suffering with similar issues with worrying I’ve said or done something bad in work and I totally understand how distressing it is - and how frustrating is it to feel like OCD is invading another element of your life. I’ve found it really helpful to confide in 1 trusted person at work about my OCD. Do you think there’s someone you could talk to? I kind of gradually fed into conversation that I had anxiety then explained it was OCD and how that manifests in work. 

I confided in someone and it ruined my career. No way would I go into detail about the manifestation again. That’s just me though

[Caramoole]

Summer, you know it's OCD 100%, so now you have fo work at looking at the self-talk, the things that you are thinking & saying to yourself that is keeping the anxiety high.  Confiding in a colleague is tempting but we have to be careful of why/how.  If it's just to say "I'm struggling today", that's okay.......go into too many why's and wherefores and it quickly strays into reassurance mode.  

[Veryblue]

7 hours ago, Summer9173 said:

I do really like this idea, I’m just not sure how I’d do it though. I’ve thought about this for a while because I want to feel safe, I liked a post on LinkedIn about OCD hoping colleagues would see maybe but I think maybe getting involved with the mental health projects at work could help too  

 

I know it’s OCD that’s what is so strange, how it can still make you doubt despite knowing it literally is OCD. I told my friend and she giggled saying I’m to short and small to hurt somebody anyway out of humor which did make me laugh I just get so angry at myself when I’ve been doing well then have these blips  

I’d be more inclined to tell the Human Resources department if there is one you have an anxiety based condition after putting thought into how much you feel is appropriate to disclose.

[Summer9173]

7 hours ago, Veryblue said:

I confided in someone and it ruined my career. No way would I go into detail about the manifestation again. That’s just me though

Oh no what happened? I guess it shows how OCD is still really misunderstood  

[Summer9173]

4 hours ago, Caramoole said:

Summer, you know it's OCD 100%, so now you have fo work at looking at the self-talk, the things that you are thinking & saying to yourself that is keeping the anxiety high.  Confiding in a colleague is tempting but we have to be careful of why/how.  If it's just to say "I'm struggling today", that's okay.......go into too many why's and wherefores and it quickly strays into reassurance mode.  

Currently trying to force myself out of bed ahead of todays working day, I feel so mentally exhausted already  even in my dreams there all violence related - it would be nice if I could escape this theme for a day or two. 
 

I think I’d like to do theory A and theory B on this particular situation. If anybody could help that would be great as I’ve never done a theory A, theory B formula before  I do think it will help and my therapist hasn’t gotten to that stage either. Let’s hope today goes ok 

[GreenyGreen23]

Hey, I know you wrote this post a few days ago now but I just wanted to say I totally get the feeling of “what if I harm” someone at work. Mine isn’t  thoughts of strangling etc, but accidental like slipping on wet floor caused by me etc. When I was really poorly it was so bad my mum actually rang work once for me to check I had put our crafting scissors away. Of course I had. But OCD exaggerated the situation so so much. I was so afraid. 
 

It might help maybe, but I find if I’m hungry/dehydrated/tired that’s when thoughts are really bad and I’m the most confused. Try and track how you are with sleep, also keep sweets or dried fruit etc on your desk as sugar might help in those situations? I hope you’ve had a better week this week. I didn’t want to read and scroll on as I can really relate to how you feel! Take it easy 

 

just remember also people with OCD are often really caring, decent people. You don’t want to harm anyone which is why the thoughts really upset you, so you are a pretty damn good person. Be proud of getting up each day and dealing with this, because it’s bloody hard. Remember, you are awesome! And keep going 

Edited July 18, 2022 by GreenyGreen23