Struggling

[Ma29]

Hello Everyone,

I hope everyone is ok.

I am struggling again and I am feeling very overwhelmed and confused. 

Today I had two situations where everything just felt wrong.

situation one - was whilst I was rocking baby to sleep - ocd was picking on everything, if I thought baby smelt then it would turn this into something inappropriate, if I moved then it would turn that into something inappropriate, if I stayed completely still it would feel like I’ve done something wrong.

situation 2 - I had been thinking about the above all day, scared and anxious. It’s bedtime and i didn’t want baby feeding himself so I picked him up and put him in my lap to have a cuddle and feed him. After he finished his bottle he started to play around, hesitant to sleep. Ocd starts talking - don’t move your tummy up and down because that moves your groin area - and what happens - I breathe and  my tummy moves up and down. Then I notice whilst he is lying in my arms that he has something in his ear and so whilst I have the opportunity  I scrape it out with my finger - as I’m doing so, I notice that he stops wriggling and starts to feel drowsy - much to my amusement I noticed that the more I rubbed his ear the more sleepy he got and was slowly drifting. I carried on running the inside and outside of his ear, and boom - ocd thought associates it with something inappropriate and from that moment everything I do is wrong. He then started lifting his head up to look around as I popped him on my shoulder and whilst he was on my shoulder I gave him a cuddle but it felt wrong because the ocd was focusing on my groin area - then I gave him a peck on cheek but noticed it was too close to his lips as he moved and I thought it was his cheek - then I cuddled him again and again it all just felt wrong. 
 

I’m really fearful and scared. 
The more I am scared of something feeling wrong the more it does and then the more I think I’ve done something wrong. 

Sorry to go on.

pls can someone help me?

 

Thanks

 

[Plaguedbyocd]

It sounds to me like classic ocd. Your brain is producing these thoughts which makes you react and keeps the thoughts coming. It’s the nature of the beast. Just don’t entertain the thoughts which I know is hard but it’s the way out so keep doing what you’re doing and the thoughts will loose power. You’re doing great, keep your head up.

Edited July 15, 2022 by Plaguedbyocd