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How to sit with thoughts (merged threads)


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6 minutes ago, Plaguedbyocd said:

It is so distressing and confusing and sitting with them and not responding feels so unsettling 

We cannot stop thoughts (good or bad/helpful or unhelpful).  We do have two options:

  1. Good/helpful thoughts - I would go with them
  2. Bad/unhelpful thoughts -reject them.  Instead of just sitting with them, I would divert my attention away to something positive and beneficial.

This does take some practice but the more times I try it the easier it gets.

 

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I would not be so literal. Label them as OCD and get on with your life. And I agree with Northpaul do something enjoyable.

In the jargon of psychology, behaviourism,  there is something called ‘habituation’. That means that anxiety or unpleasant feelings that the thought evokes will lessen with time. To put it in plain English you will get used to the thought. And the intensity of the negative emotion will fade.

However, when my OCD was at its worse it took a very long time for the anxiety to fade despite breathing exercises and the like. And the cunning nature of OCD might mean allied thoughts might evolve.

That is why some people who get very strong negative feelings are helped by medication. It is a personal choice of course. Some people find meditation helpful. Some people sport…..I am an advocate of label it OCD and switch attention to more rewarding things.

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2 hours ago, Plaguedbyocd said:

I fear that if I sit with it and the anxiety passes then I won’t care about what I’m thinking, like I won’t care if something bad happens. 

OCD thinking starts with making a faulty interpretation of your thoughts. ('If I thought this then it means... If I don't do this after thinking that then...' )

What you wrote here is again you interpreting what your thoughts mean - what it would mean if you didn't care/ didn't react.

Once you accept it means nothing of the sort it, that you just made a wrong interpretation (wrong assumption) about what your thoughts/ actions mean it becomes easier to resist the compulsions.

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Everyone has unwanted thoughts but those with OCD get stuck on them so the question is how to get unstuck. 
Not giving attention to thoughts should work. Remember, we can always think about something else. 

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1 hour ago, gloomwood said:

When you say we'll and they're still there, is there any difference in the thoughts or your reaction? Are they less intense or make you less anxious?

PS I’m really on edge, please be gentle (not that you’re not being or anything, just I’m so terrified of what you’re going to say)

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The aim isn't to be able to say confidently whether the thoughts are true or not.

Your aim is to recognise that your thinking on this subject has become twisted by OCD so that you feel/ believe the truth is important when it isn't. Like focusing on the importance of not getting rained on through a tiny hole in your umbrella while swimming in the sea, your thinking presently misses the point.

You want clarity because you've convinced yourself clarity is the answer and will resolve the uncertainty you feel.

But actually it works the other way around; the uncertainty you feel is the result of wanting clarity.

When you accept the problem you've been trying to solve isn't as important as you think it is then the desire for clarity reduces - you accept it's ok not to have certainty - and the anxiety of not knowing fades away.

As you've been locked into your OCD thinking pattern for a while, chances are you're confused by me saying the answer isn't important. I get that. But it's the OCD thinking process which has you conviced you can't just dismiss this without knowing for sure. It's OCD that has convinced you that it would be wrong/ dangerous to simply dismiss it. As long as you treat 'knowing for sure' as important you will be plagued by the misery of not knowing with enough certainty to satisfy your OCD.

It sounds counterintuitive, but the way to get over this is to let it go without seeking answers, 'truth' or certainty.

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If I'm tired my subconscious thoughts leak out. It's pretty creepy & so I take a nap.  

Intrusive thoughts are thoughts you don't put there yourself. If you put them there yourself, it's within your power to think something else. 

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As happens in OCD, your thinking is sending you round in circles.

Let me try an analogy to help you see how the twisted thinking of a brain affected by OCD distorts everything...

Say you woke up one morning and tried to speak but all that came out of your mouth was 'Woof'.

You try to speak again, 'Woof, woof, woof!'

What's going on, you wonder. Have I turned into a dog?? :confused1:

I need to know if I'm a dog! It's important. I have to know if it's true. (The obsession.)

So you try doing things to find out if it's true or not. (Compulsions)

But your brain is stuck in doggy-mode, so every time you try asking, 'Am I a dog?' the only thing that comes out of your mouth is 'Woof!'

You hear yourself barking and think, 'I'm barking, I must be a dog!' But I don't want to be a dog, it's important to me that I'm not a dog. (The obsession)

So you try again to find the truth, try harder and harder because you're getting more and more distressed by the idea. But the harder you try to prove if you're a dog or not (compulsive ruminating) the more you bark. Which makes you ever more distressed, because at some level you know you're not a dog, that it can't be true, but it feels true so you start to believe it must be true. And you go round in circles never able to disprove it because trying to get evidence for and against the argument just makes you bark.

But if you stop trying to ask, rest your voice (rest your mind) then your sore throat gets better. Your husky voice returns to normal and you stop barking! And once the fever (obsession) has passed you can see clearly that you were never turning into a dog, just ill and not thinking straight for a bit.

Whatever the topic, whatever the question OCD has you trying to solve, the OCD thinking process is like your brain attempting to get answers by making you bark, sending you round in circles chasing your tail.

You have to stop trying to catch your tail. Stop trying to answer the question. Leave the thoughts unanswered. Stop treating 'knowing the truth' as important. Accept the thoughts were never important in the first place.

After a while of letting the thoughts be there without trying to solve the question, your thinking will clear and you'll realise what felt important while you were in the grip of OCD was just a 'feverish brain' (OCD) trying to make sense of some nonsense.

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12 hours ago, Plaguedbyocd said:

It just feels impossible. It’s too important to ignore 

It is to you right now but only because you won't let it go. You keep it at the forefront of your mind. You make it important.

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3 hours ago, Plaguedbyocd said:

Thank you for your answer. It’s terrifying. I know I shouldn’t be searching for answers but it’s so important to allow me to live. I don’t know how to live if these thoughts are true. I’d forever hate myself. 

And yet, you will not find the answer by doing compulsions. It sucks but it is very true.

Read snowbear's above post again.

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  • snowbear changed the title to How to sit with thoughts (merged threads)
12 hours ago, snowbear said:

As happens in OCD, your thinking is sending you round in circles.

Let me try an analogy to help you see how the twisted thinking of a brain affected by OCD distorts everything...

Say you woke up one morning and tried to speak but all that came out of your mouth was 'Woof'.

You try to speak again, 'Woof, woof, woof!'

What's going on, you wonder. Have I turned into a dog?? :confused1:

I need to know if I'm a dog! It's important. I have to know if it's true. (The obsession.)

So you try doing things to find out if it's true or not. (Compulsions)

But your brain is stuck in doggy-mode, so every time you try asking, 'Am I a dog?' the only thing that comes out of your mouth is 'Woof!'

You hear yourself barking and think, 'I'm barking, I must be a dog!' But I don't want to be a dog, it's important to me that I'm not a dog. (The obsession)

So you try again to find the truth, try harder and harder because you're getting more and more distressed by the idea. But the harder you try to prove if you're a dog or not (compulsive ruminating) the more you bark. Which makes you ever more distressed, because at some level you know you're not a dog, that it can't be true, but it feels true so you start to believe it must be true. And you go round in circles never able to disprove it because trying to get evidence for and against the argument just makes you bark.

But if you stop trying to ask, rest your voice (rest your mind) then your sore throat gets better. Your husky voice returns to normal and you stop barking! And once the fever (obsession) has passed you can see clearly that you were never turning into a dog, just ill and not thinking straight for a bit.

Whatever the topic, whatever the question OCD has you trying to solve, the OCD thinking process is like your brain attempting to get answers by making you bark, sending you round in circles chasing your tail.

You have to stop trying to catch your tail. Stop trying to answer the question. Leave the thoughts unanswered. Stop treating 'knowing the truth' as important. Accept the thoughts were never important in the first place.

After a while of letting the thoughts be there without trying to solve the question, your thinking will clear and you'll realise what felt important while you were in the grip of OCD was just a 'feverish brain' (OCD) trying to make sense of some nonsense.

How long before I stop trying to prove I’m not a dog will I stop barking 😖😖

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51 minutes ago, Plaguedbyocd said:

How long before I stop trying to prove I’m not a dog will I stop barking

I would not put any time constraint on that question.  I have found that by taking some steps to divert my attention away to something more positive and beneficial helps with the process.  What things might you do to help yourself move on from 'chasing your tail'?

Perhaps you could write some things down for yourself.  What things do you like doing?

When I have done this I find that it does help me in my journey along recovery road.  It does not matter wether I am on the fast lane or the slow lane - what matters is I am on the road.  (Hare and tortoise both get there)

 

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Just now, northpaul said:

I would not put any time constraint on that question.  I have found that by taking some steps to divert my attention away to something more positive and beneficial helps with the process.  What things might you do to help yourself move on from 'chasing your tail'?

Perhaps you could write some things down for yourself.  What things do you like doing?

When I have done this I find that it does help me in my journey along recovery road.  It does not matter wether I am on the fast lane or the slow lane - what matters is I am on the road.  (Hare and tortoise both get there)

 

Thank you. I’m so afraid that I don’t get there, that these thoughts are always going to be with me. It’s hard because when I go to do things I like (which is hard because nothing interests me right now), I get thoughts of ‘you can’t do that or something bad will happen’ and then sometimes I get an urge to do it/ when I go to do it anyway I wonder if I’m doing it because subconsciously I want something to happen. It feels like I can’t win

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Good advice from northpaul there. Get your mind onto other things. :)

 

2 hours ago, Plaguedbyocd said:

when I go to do things I like, I get thoughts of ‘you can’t do that or something bad will happen’ and then sometimes I get an urge to do it/ when I go to do it anyway I wonder if I’m doing it because subconsciously I want something to happen. It feels like I can’t win

The sooner you recognise you are interpreting the situation rather than dealing with a real problem the faster you will 'stop barking'.

Every time you think 'this is because...' that's interpreting what has come before (a thought, action or feeling.)

There a an unlimited number of ways to interpret something. OCD thinking always sees just one way to interpret it as if the alternatives didn't exist. As you thinking becomes less obsessional you'll find it easier to see and consider these alternative interpretations. And you'll realise there is a way of looking at the situation which doesn't end in you fearing the worst or feeling bad.

 

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