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Hi community,

I am looking for advice please as a partner of someone with cleaning ocd. Specifically fingerprints, smears, marks on surfaces, footprints etc.

I met my partner around 20 months ago, we have a wonderful relationship, he is very loving, emotionally available and I am.so incredibly in love with him. We have a great relationship. 

However, he moved in around September last year, I was accutely aware he had an obsession for cleaning which has gotten worse as time has gone on. For example, there might be a few things out of place or we pop out for an hour and my teenage children havent washed up and he explodes, the house is a **** tip etc.
  
We have recently renovated the house and he has become obsessional about every fingerprint left on the fridge, marks on the sideboard etc to the point I am finding myself rushing to the kitchen before him to inspect it to make sure it's acceptable or doing a house reccy before he gets home from work...he will always find something! 
 

I am on edge, my children (12 and 14) feel on edge. I feel there needs to be a balance between him accepting they are children and are getting used to a new routine, more respect for property, the fact that they don't have the same forethought that adults do because their rational brains are not fully developed and mindful that I don't want to enable what I consider to be irrational behaviour. 
 

I have become more aware in an effort to support him but I .equally mindful of not wanting to.enable this behaviour and o certosnyl don't want my children to feel uncomfortable in their own home. 
 

I guess I am.seeking support in trying to navigate this as it's all new to me. I want to support and 

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Ho Moshy,

Welcome to the forum! :welcome:

9 minutes ago, Moshy said:

I am finding myself rushing to the kitchen before him to inspect it to make sure it's acceptable or doing a house reccy before he gets home from work...

It's understandable you want to avoid confrontation and upset, but taking on this checking behaviour is accomodating his compulsions and will only make things worse in the long run. :(

OCD knows no boundaries. If you make your home 'OCD perfect' the goal posts will simply shift again until even just breathing in the house is considered to be making it unacceptably dirty. (Sadly that's actually not much of an exaggeration.)

First step is to get him to talk about it. He needs to accept that his behaviour is the problem, not your teenage children leaving fingerprints or leaving the place untidy (which is normal and not a concern for anybody thinking rationally.)

You need to set boundaries for the OCD behaviour in exactly the same way you set boundaries for your teenagers; the aim being to give them autonomy to decide for themselves how to behave, but with strict 'do not cross this line' rules to guide them into taking the right pathway.

Has he had any therapy (CBT) for his OCD in the past? If he's unable to change his behaviour by himself it may be time to seek support from a therapist to help him get his thought processes and behaviours back on track. As you live in England, he could approach his local IAPT service directly and ask for CBT for OCD.

Let us know how you get on and do ask if you have any further questions. :)

 

 

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