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Is this new issue part of my OCD??


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Is this OCD or have I developed something else?? I'm so confused and feel like I'm going a bit crazy! 

Apologies if this is a bit long, I just wanted to share my whole experience with you.

I've been to the cinema a few times recently. On one occasion there was a large man sat in front of me and his head blocked a little bit of the screen. I found this rather distracting and my focus would keep going to his head throughout the entire film. The next time I went, a similar thing happened and I was again distracted my a taller man a few rows in front. This time I kept worrying about the person I went with, thinking they couldn't see the screen properly. Afterwards they told me they had shortly forgot about the taller man and it didn't distract them from enjoying the film. I was the complete opposite and I just couldn't stop thinking about this man throughout the whole film. Before I went to the cinema again, I was getting increasingly anxious leading up to it, thinking I am never going to be able to enjoy the film because my brain will not be able to stop focusing on something distracting... and I was right, but this time it was the jeans I was wearing, for some reason I just could not get comfortable and I just couldn't steer my focus away from that (crazy I know!) I knew this was getting ridiculous now, but I just didn't know how to stop it. I went to the cinema again yesterday and again was super anxious beforehand thinking of all the stupid things that my mind could start fixating on. Just as the film started I thought, wow I may actually be alright this time, but nope, all of a sudden I had an uncomfortable feeling that the people behind me could see me. I normally sit right at the back but this time I was in the second row from the back, so I wasn't used to having people behind me. I tried to look round a couple of times, but this made it worse as I then started to worry that they may have seen me looking at them and they would think I was a right weirdo! I just couldn't stop thinking about these people and did or didn't they see me looking at them! Obviously the more I tried to not think and just relax and enjoy the film which I desperately wanted to, the worse it got and my anxiety was sky high pretty much throughout the whole film. I feel so incredibly disappointed in myself and every time I go it is just getting worse and worse! It is like I know it is going to happen and it can be over the most crazy and stupid little things, but once my brain is fixated on it there is nothing I can do to distract it! 

I should say I have suffered with OCD for many years, both intrusive thoughts and contamination and have always been an over thinker and over analyse pretty much everything. I also suffer from anxiety. But, for some reason, I have never had this issue before and am wondering if this is another form of OCD or possibly an extension to my intrusive thoughts.. one's things for sure, it is stressing me out big time, which I guess is just making things worse! 

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Hi !

It sounds 100 % OCD to me 🙂

It happened once in a cinema and triggered anxiety, so now every time you go you expect something similar to happen, so it does. That's a classic ! 

I don't think you should avoid cinemas for this reason, but I know when I'm anxious it's a place where I don't feel too good: a movie rarely distracts me enough from my OCD thoughts and I can't just get up and do something else... So I feel uncomfortable. 

Maybe try to lower anxiety first, by doing other activities. Don't go to the cinema if you feel like testing your intrusive thoughts, go only if you want to. Do other things to get back to « normal » and it will probably disappear on its own 🙂

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11 hours ago, C3PO said:

Hi !

It sounds 100 % OCD to me 🙂

It happened once in a cinema and triggered anxiety, so now every time you go you expect something similar to happen, so it does. That's a classic ! 

I don't think you should avoid cinemas for this reason, but I know when I'm anxious it's a place where I don't feel too good: a movie rarely distracts me enough from my OCD thoughts and I can't just get up and do something else... So I feel uncomfortable. 

Maybe try to lower anxiety first, by doing other activities. Don't go to the cinema if you feel like testing your intrusive thoughts, go only if you want to. Do other things to get back to « normal » and it will probably disappear on its own 🙂

Hi, thank you so much for your reply. I was worried no-one was going to because they read my post and thought I sounded completely mad!! 

It's very reassuring that you think it's definately my OCD causing me this much anxiety, it just really confused me because I have been to the cinema many times before without this happening.

Is this what they call rumination OCD or just intrusive/unwanted thoughts? I was reading tips on how to stop ruminating and the first one was to distract yourself, such as watching a movie ironically! The trouble I found was, I desperately wanted to watch the movie, but the harder I tried to concentrate and remove the stupid thought in my head, the more the thought stuck around!! It was like it was impossible to not fixate on it, like my brain wouldn't allow me to move on from it, and my anxiety just kept rising! 

I also suffer from Emetophobia, so that is another issue I have to control when going to the cinema. I don't fear others bring sick, I have a huge phobia of myself being sick in front of people. I have never actually been sick at a cinema, but the worry is still very much there and the fear of ruining the film for other people. 

Oh how I hate OCD and Emetophobia, to be controlled daily by your own ridiculous thoughts is so exhausting. 

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On 23/07/2022 at 16:50, Lorna02 said:

I have been to the cinema many times before without this happening. 

Anxiety can target any subject and situation you can think of. The cinema is not the problem and you will be able to enjoy movies again in the future, but right now you're hyper focused on this situation because it is where your discomfort happened first. 

Think about it: people with « harm OCD » had no problem using knives, until one day a thought popped up: What if I stabbed myself/my loved ones with this knife? And suddenly, knives become a problem.
People with « somatic OCD » didn't care about their body functions until one day they noticed their breathing or heartbeat, and then they couldn't think of anything else. 
You didn't have a problem with cinemas until... 🙂

On 23/07/2022 at 16:50, Lorna02 said:

Is this what they call rumination OCD or just intrusive/unwanted thoughts? I was reading tips on how to stop ruminating and the first one was to distract yourself, such as watching a movie ironically! The trouble I found was, I desperately wanted to watch the movie, but the harder I tried to concentrate and remove the stupid thought in my head, the more the thought stuck around!! It was like it was impossible to not fixate on it, like my brain wouldn't allow me to move on from it, and my anxiety just kept rising! 

It looks like intrusive thoughts, triggered by a random situation. It is the cinema but it could have been the supermarket or something else! 

The best way is to let the thoughts be. Don't try to chase them, it won't work. You have to let them die on their own, without giving them meaning. When you're at the cinema, just notice the thoughts and let them be. Don't fight, just go on - it's OK if it takes some time before you unlock your brain, at one point you will be able to go see a movie without even thinking about all of this. 

On 23/07/2022 at 16:50, Lorna02 said:

I also suffer from Emetophobia, so that is another issue I have to control when going to the cinema. I don't fear others bring sick, I have a huge phobia of myself being sick in front of people. I have never actually been sick at a cinema, but the worry is still very much there and the fear of ruining the film for other people.  

I can relate to that 😉

Cinemas are not the easiest situations as you can feel « stuck » and movies are not always distracting enough. Are you in therapy to work on your OCD and emetophobia ? Maybe the cinema is too difficult for your current level of anxiety and you should try to do less difficult exposure? 

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On 24/07/2022 at 20:48, C3PO said:

Anxiety can target any subject and situation you can think of. The cinema is not the problem and you will be able to enjoy movies again in the future, but right now you're hyper focused on this situation because it is where your discomfort happened first. 

Think about it: people with « harm OCD » had no problem using knives, until one day a thought popped up: What if I stabbed myself/my loved ones with this knife? And suddenly, knives become a problem.
People with « somatic OCD » didn't care about their body functions until one day they noticed their breathing or heartbeat, and then they couldn't think of anything else. 
You didn't have a problem with cinemas until... 🙂

It looks like intrusive thoughts, triggered by a random situation. It is the cinema but it could have been the supermarket or something else! 

The best way is to let the thoughts be. Don't try to chase them, it won't work. You have to let them die on their own, without giving them meaning. When you're at the cinema, just notice the thoughts and let them be. Don't fight, just go on - it's OK if it takes some time before you unlock your brain, at one point you will be able to go see a movie without even thinking about all of this. 

I can relate to that 😉

Cinemas are not the easiest situations as you can feel « stuck » and movies are not always distracting enough. Are you in therapy to work on your OCD and emetophobia ? Maybe the cinema is too difficult for your current level of anxiety and you should try to do less difficult exposure? 

Thank you for your reply, it helps when you feel someone understands you, it makes you feel a little less lonely. I don't have anyone I can really talk to about my OCD and all the issues that come with it. My parents know a very small amount, but whenever I try and open up a little more about my struggles, they just don't understand and don't know what to say so the subject usually gets changed very quickly. I think if I were tell them what my brain goes through on a daily basis they would feel like they don't even know me. Sadly also I no longer have any close friends as my condition has meant I have pulled away over the years. 

I started online CBT therapy last year but it just didn't work for me. I found typing online very time consuming and I never felt I had any kind of connection with my therapist. It hugely put me off wanting to try again as I finished my sessions feeling very deflated and felt that maybe I was just beyond help. I have recently started working through a CBT book for OCD and have found it very overwhelming. I am only about 1/5th of the way through and there is already so much work they want you to do. I was hoping to be eased in gently but it just seems so full on at the moment. Maybe I am just not currently in the right headspace, I just feel so hugely anxious all the time and my OCD is just taking over everything. One minute I can feel a little in control and the next I feel like I'm drowning. It is crazy how something so small as going to the cinema has set me off on this downward spiral. I actually went again with my Dad yesterday which sadly was probably too soon for me as you guessed it, my anxiety was sky high and my thoughts just wouldn't die down however much I tried to just let them me. I think I again put way too much pressure on myself, I so wanted to just relax and enjoy the film but I knew by brain wasn't going to let me and I was right. I left feeling so ashamed and disappointed in myself. Today I'm having an incredibly low day, feeling like by brain is just never going to let me enjoy anything. I feel so tired, I just wish I could shut my brain off from thinking all the time, especially about such silly crazy things! 

I know I need to ask for some help again, I just don't know where to start. May I ask how got help for your OCD and Emetophobia and did it work first time for you? 

Sorry for babbling on so much, but thank you for listening. 

 

 

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Don't be sorry, and don't be ashamed. It's not your fault. OCD and anxiety disorders are medical conditions. It is scientifically proven that people with these have a chemical imbalance in the brain. People with diabetes or hypertension have no reason to be ashamed, do they?

18 hours ago, Lorna02 said:

My parents know a very small amount, but whenever I try and open up a little more about my struggles, they just don't understand and don't know what to say so the subject usually gets changed very quickly. I think if I were tell them what my brain goes through on a daily basis they would feel like they don't even know me. 

Your parents don't need to know everything that goes through your brain. The only thing that they have to understand is that you have an anxiety disorder. There were times when I had such horrific fears and thoughts that I didn't want to tell anyone; but what I DID tell is that I was having a hard time because of my anxiety disorder.

 

18 hours ago, Lorna02 said:

I started online CBT therapy last year but it just didn't work for me. I found typing online very time consuming and I never felt I had any kind of connection with my therapist. It hugely put me off wanting to try again as I finished my sessions feeling very deflated and felt that maybe I was just beyond help. I have recently started working through a CBT book for OCD and have found it very overwhelming. I am only about 1/5th of the way through and there is already so much work they want you to do. I was hoping to be eased in gently but it just seems so full on at the moment. 

Finding a good therapist is not easy. You are not beyond help at all. I spent years in psychoanalysis which didn't help me! I don't live in the UK but I'm sure other people on the forum can tell you where to start to find someone that suits you. Maybe start a new thread about it ? 
What book are you reading ? I have started Overcoming Worry and General Anxiety Disorder by Kevin Meares and Mark Freeston and it's nice. Therapists and books work the same - if one doesn't work for you, try another one 🙂

Edited by C3PO
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18 hours ago, Lorna02 said:

 I actually went again with my Dad yesterday which sadly was probably too soon for me as you guessed it, my anxiety was sky high and my thoughts just wouldn't die down however much I tried to just let them me.

Maybe you should try to go to the cinema again a little bit later. Right now you seem too anxious so after you go, you feel worse. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

 

18 hours ago, Lorna02 said:

I know I need to ask for some help again, I just don't know where to start. May I ask how got help for your OCD and Emetophobia and did it work first time for you? 

I'm still suffering from both, but I have just started a new therapy. I'm also on medication, I have accepted the fact that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and it's not my fault. As I stated above, people with diabetes don't blame themselves because of their insulin level.
Self-help books and resources are also very helpful to learn more about your condition and see that you are not alone.
Social relationships are also helpful. You can open up about your condition, without going into details. Maybe you have friends that you stopped seeing because of your anxiety? Would you like to see them again?
Finally, make a list of things that you like to do. A sport? Drawing? Animals? Video games? Work? What could keep your brain busy in a positive way? 

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6 minutes ago, C3PO said:

Maybe you should try to go to the cinema again a little bit later. Right now you seem too anxious so after you go, you feel worse. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

 

I'm still suffering from both, but I have just started a new therapy. I'm also on medication, I have accepted the fact that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and it's not my fault. As I stated above, people with diabetes don't blame themselves because of their insulin level.
Self-help books and resources are also very helpful to learn more about your condition and see that you are not alone.
Social relationships are also helpful. You can open up about your condition, without going into details. Maybe you have friends that you stopped seeing because of your anxiety? Would you like to see them again?
Finally, make a list of things that you like to do. A sport? Drawing? Animals? Video games? Work? What could keep your brain busy in a positive way? 

In the OCD-UK Conference from last year, Dr David Veale did a presentation on Emetophobia and it's relationship with OCD. If you are interested, I've linked that below:

 

https://www.ocduk.org/conference/conferences-across-the-uk/2021-virtual/breakout/emetophobia/

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5 hours ago, C3PO said:

Don't be sorry, and don't be ashamed. It's not your fault. OCD and anxiety disorders are medical conditions. It is scientifically proven that people with these have a chemical imbalance in the brain. 

Thank you for being so kind and understanding, it really means so much to me.

5 hours ago, C3PO said:

Finding a good therapist is not easy. You are not beyond help at all. I spent years in psychoanalysis which didn't help me! I don't live in the UK but I'm sure other people on the forum can tell you where to start to find someone that suits you. Maybe start a new thread about it ? 
What book are you reading ? I have started Overcoming Worry and General Anxiety Disorder by Kevin Meares and Mark Freeston and it's nice. Therapists and books work the same - if one doesn't work for you, try another one 🙂

I guess I went into therapy thinking that by the end of it I will be "cured" but felt so heavily disappointed when this wasn't the case. I kind of felt like a failure, but from reading on here I now understand that there isn't any quick fix and therapy does not always work first time. I am currently reading Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by David Veale. To be honest I was enjoying reading it up until I felt there was lots of work to be done... it just overwhelmed me and I had to take a step back. I do understand though that I have to put in the hard graft if I want to see any improvements. I think the thought of exposing myself to my fears and trying not to carry out any compulsions just scares the hell out of me. I have a day coming up next week which I am absolutely dreading as I know it will massively set off my contamination issues! I was actually thinking of starting another post relating to this and asking for some help and guidance! 

I will take a look at the book you are reading. I think instead of just focusing solely on my OCD I also need to concentrate on getting help for my worrying and anxiety.

5 hours ago, C3PO said:

I'm still suffering from both, but I have just started a new therapy. I'm also on medication, I have accepted the fact that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and it's not my fault. 

I'm sorry to hear you are still suffering, but so pleased you have started a new therapy. I know I must do the same! I have also wondered about medication but I have never actually spoke to a doctor yet about my condition. The last time I went with a minor medical issue I just got the impression they were so stressed out and busy. I fear if I go and tell them I feel so anxious all the time they will probably just say to me "everyone is stressed these days". I guess I am just yet to find a doctor that actually cares and who I feel I could properly open up to about my problems. 

I really like your way of looking at it... accepting that we have a chemical imbalance in our brains and that it's not out fault. I will definitely remember this, thank you so much for your help and support, it is very much appreciated. X

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5 hours ago, Lorna02 said:

I am currently reading Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by David Veale. To be honest I was enjoying reading it up until I felt there was lots of work to be done... it just overwhelmed me and I had to take a step back. I do understand though that I have to put in the hard graft if I want to see any improvements. I think the thought of exposing myself to my fears and trying not to carry out any compulsions just scares the hell out of me.

This is by far the most common reason for people saying therapy didn't work for them - CBT is hard work! It means facing your fears and working through them. Sadly a lot of people have the misplaced idea there's a way to get better from OCD without doing this and therefore they find therapy overwhelming.

I think a good way of starting the recovery journey is to get your head around the fact you will have to make changes. That OCD isn't something you can recover from without going through a period of discomfort. Wanting to avoid the discomfort is a huge 'keep you stuck' barrier, so try to get into the mindset of 'This may not be pleasant but I want to experience that because I know it's the only way to come out the other side. '

Then instead of being a shock to the system that brings you to a halt each time you try, the uncertainty, anxiety and discomfort is just part of what to expect and you can take it in your stride more easily.

Still takes courage! But the prepared mindset does help. :)

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16 hours ago, snowbear said:

This is by far the most common reason for people saying therapy didn't work for them - CBT is hard work! It means facing your fears and working through them. Sadly a lot of people have the misplaced idea there's a way to get better from OCD without doing this and therefore they find therapy overwhelming.

I think a good way of starting the recovery journey is to get your head around the fact you will have to make changes. That OCD isn't something you can recover from without going through a period of discomfort. Wanting to avoid the discomfort is a huge 'keep you stuck' barrier, so try to get into the mindset of 'This may not be pleasant but I want to experience that because I know it's the only way to come out the other side. '

Then instead of being a shock to the system that brings you to a halt each time you try, the uncertainty, anxiety and discomfort is just part of what to expect and you can take it in your stride more easily.

Still takes courage! But the prepared mindset does help. :)

Thank you so much for this and I 100% understand what you are saying. I went into my therapy sessions last year thinking that by just simply talking about all my problems, they would be able to "fix" me somehow, but I soon found out this wasn't the case. Like you said, it is hard work and I wasn't prepared for that and all the discomfort and anxiety that would come with it. I wasn't aware of all the changes you have to make and only you can do this, nobody else. I think for me there were a few different reason why my online therapy sessions didn't work out and looking back, maybe I was one of them because it was incredibly overwhelming. 

I know I have to stop avoiding the discomfort and your words make perfect sense. I have a huge trigger event on Monday, meeting my uncle who has medical issues and I believe everything he touches will be contaminated. I know I will want to obsessively clean everything, like I have done previously, but I don't know if I can go cold turkey and just stop all my compulsions. I know if I say to myself I will only clean a little bit that won't work because I know once I start I just cannot stop! I just don't know what do because all options are hugely anxiety provoking!! I fear if I do nothing though, I will not be able to free myself from the feeling of disgust and discomfort knowing the contamination is spreading further and further if I don't try and stop it and I fear these feelings will never go away! 

But... if I don't try and resist, I will never get better and I REALLY want to start overcoming this. I just wish it wasn't so bloody hard!!

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23 hours ago, Lorna02 said:

I guess I went into therapy thinking that by the end of it I will be "cured" but felt so heavily disappointed when this wasn't the case. I kind of felt like a failure, but from reading on here I now understand that there isn't any quick fix and therapy does not always work first time. I am currently reading Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by David Veale. To be honest I was enjoying reading it up until I felt there was lots of work to be done... it just overwhelmed me and I had to take a step back. I do understand though that I have to put in the hard graft if I want to see any improvements. I think the thought of exposing myself to my fears and trying not to carry out any compulsions just scares the hell out of me. I have a day coming up next week which I am absolutely dreading as I know it will massively set off my contamination issues! I was actually thinking of starting another post relating to this and asking for some help and guidance! 

I will take a look at the book you are reading. I think instead of just focusing solely on my OCD I also need to concentrate on getting help for my worrying and anxiety.

No, there is not any quick fix and as @snowbearstated above, getting better requires long, constant and sometimes hard work. Say you want to climb a mountain - if you  look at the top reflecting on how much effort you need to make, you'll probably feel discouraged. Instead, you should take one step at a time. If you read the whole book in one sitting and see the difficulty level incrase with each chapter, it's the same. It's better to go gradually, with the help of a professional. 

The book about General Anxiety is really helpful to work on the cognitive aspect of OCD/anxiety, i.e. the thinking process, which is THE crux of the problem. Until you find a good therapist, I would also recommend the classic "Brain Lock" by Jeffrey M. Schwartz. 

23 hours ago, Lorna02 said:

I have also wondered about medication but I have never actually spoke to a doctor yet about my condition. The last time I went with a minor medical issue I just got the impression they were so stressed out and busy. I fear if I go and tell them I feel so anxious all the time they will probably just say to me "everyone is stressed these days". I guess I am just yet to find a doctor that actually cares and who I feel I could properly open up to about my problems. 

Only a doctor can say if you need medication. I understand that it is not easy to talk about it, but any GP is supposed to know about this condition. They are not therapists but the least they can do is give you advice to find a professional. Don't tell them "I feel anxious"; insist on the fact that this has been going on for a long time, that it has a major impact on your life and that you need help. 

 

23 hours ago, Lorna02 said:

I really like your way of looking at it... accepting that we have a chemical imbalance in our brains and that it's not out fault. I will definitely remember this, thank you so much for your help and support, it is very much appreciated. X

We have a tendancy to blame ourselves, which makes it even worse. A first step to recovery is to acknowledge the fact that 1/ You have a problem and 2/ It is not your fault. But 3/ You can seek help and do something about it. I wish you the best! 

Edited by C3PO
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19 hours ago, C3PO said:

No, there is not any quick fix and as @snowbearstated above, getting better requires long, constant and sometimes hard work. Say you want to climb a mountain - if you  look at the top reflecting on how much effort you need to make, you'll probably feel discouraged. Instead, you should take one step at a time. If you read the whole book in one sitting and see the difficulty level incrase with each chapter, it's the same. It's better to go gradually, with the help of a professional. 

The book about General Anxiety is really helpful to work on the cognitive aspect of OCD/anxiety, i.e. the thinking process, which is THE crux of the problem. Until you find a good therapist, I would also recommend the classic "Brain Lock" by Jeffrey M. Schwartz. 

Only a doctor can say if you need medication. I understand that it is not easy to talk about it, but any GP is supposed to know about this condition. They are not therapists but the least they can do is give you advice to find a professional. Don't tell them "I feel anxious"; insist on the fact that this has been going on for a long time, that it has a major impact on your life and that you need help. 

 

We have a tendancy to blame ourselves, which makes it even worse. A first step to recovery is to acknowledge the fact that 1/ You have a problem and 2/ It is not your fault. But 3/ You can seek help and do something about it. I wish you the best! 

Thank you so much for taking the time to offer me so much help, advice and guidance. You have been such a great support and I will take on board everything you have kindly shared with me. It means a lot to feel understood. Thank you! 

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On 30/07/2022 at 15:40, Lorna02 said:

I have a huge trigger event on Monday, meeting my uncle who has medical issues and I believe everything he touches will be contaminated. I know I will want to obsessively clean everything, like I have done previously, but I don't know if I can go cold turkey and just stop all my compulsions. I know if I say to myself I will only clean a little bit that won't work because I know once I start I just cannot stop! I just don't know what do because all options are hugely anxiety provoking!! I fear if I do nothing though, I will not be able to free myself from the feeling of disgust and discomfort knowing the contamination is spreading further and further if I don't try and stop it and I fear these feelings will never go away! 

 

I also found it too overwhelming to just go cold turkey on my anti-contamination compulsions. I found it so difficult that I concentrated entirely on the cognitive changes needed and didn't do any ERP at all at first. I worked on getting my head around the fact that the 'contamination' wasn't an actual threat and my cleaning efforts were unnecessary, but carried on cleaning as long as I wanted to.

However, while cleaning I kept my thinking on the knowledge that it wasn't necessary instead of giving in to the usual 'this has to be cleaned' thinking that goes along with doing the compulsions. So even though I gave in to the compulsion to clean, I mentally reinforced 'well-thinking' instead of OCD thinking the whole time. Eventually the belief I needed to de-contaminate was gone and the feeling of anxiety from not cleaning went with it.

A change in thinking happens gradually. It takes as much determination and commitment to change your thinking as it does to change your behaviour.

So doing the cognitive work first as a stand alone isn't a cop out or easy option. But it does mean that when the time comes to begin ERP you've genuinely stopped thinking the contamination threat is real and are able to work through proving it (doing the ERP) without the extreme distress experienced before.

You no longer use OCD thinking to make sense of your world, no longer think in so skewed a way that you believe your uncle is 'contaminating' everything. You recognise it was your thought processes which were the problem all along, not your uncle or his medical issues.

Maybe that approach would work for you too?

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