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Huge trigger coming up... please help!


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I have a big contamination trigger coming up for me early next week and I am absolutely dreading it!!! I have not had to face my fears for quite some time and I can't stop worrying about it. 

I am meeting my uncle on Monday with my nephews and I have not seen him since last October when my contamination issues were hugely triggered. Unfortunately my uncle is one of my main triggers. I won't go into details but he has medical issues, one of which is eczema on his hands so he can only use a special moisturiser to wash instead of anti bacterial hand wash. In my head this can only mean that his hands must contain germs and bacteria because when he uses the bathroom he is not able to wash his hands properly and my contamination fears are based a lot around toilet germs and feeling disgusted by them! 

I fear anything my uncle touches will be contaminated, including money he is planning to give to my nephews. I will then feel my nephews have been contaminated and anything they then go on and touch will become contaminated, including the car, and then when we get home, my house will start to feel contaminated. I will then want to obsessively start cleaning everything, knowing I won't be able to get everything clean because of re-contamination and my anxiety levels will go the extreme! I know it sounds crazy but I just know that that one day will spoil the whole week I get to spend with my nephews, just like it has done many times before. 

My online therapy sessions I did last year were not really helpful and we never really worked much on exposure therapy to do with my main triggers. We just started off small and never really progressed any further because my sessions came to an end. 

I guess what I'm asking is, what should I do to lesson my anxiety? The compulsions themselves cause me so much anxiety but the thought of not doing them will cause me even greater anxiety. I guess I know what I should do (not act on any compulsions) but this just fills me with SO much dread... any advice and guidance will be very much appreciated. 

Thank you. 

 

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11 minutes ago, Lorna02 said:

I have a big contamination trigger coming up for me early next week and I am absolutely dreading it!!! I have not had to face my fears for quite some time and I can't stop worrying about it. 

I am meeting my uncle on Monday with my nephews and I have not seen him since last October when my contamination issues were hugely triggered. Unfortunately my uncle is one of my main triggers. I won't go into details but he has medical issues, one of which is eczema on his hands so he can only use a special moisturiser to wash instead of anti bacterial hand wash. In my head this can only mean that his hands must contain germs and bacteria because when he uses the bathroom he is not able to wash his hands properly and my contamination fears are based a lot around toilet germs and feeling disgusted by them! 

I fear anything my uncle touches will be contaminated, including money he is planning to give to my nephews. I will then feel my nephews have been contaminated and anything they then go on and touch will become contaminated, including the car, and then when we get home, my house will start to feel contaminated. I will then want to obsessively start cleaning everything, knowing I won't be able to get everything clean because of re-contamination and my anxiety levels will go the extreme! I know it sounds crazy but I just know that that one day will spoil the whole week I get to spend with my nephews, just like it has done many times before. 

My online therapy sessions I did last year were not really helpful and we never really worked much on exposure therapy to do with my main triggers. We just started off small and never really progressed any further because my sessions came to an end. 

I guess what I'm asking is, what should I do to lesson my anxiety? The compulsions themselves cause me so much anxiety but the thought of not doing them will cause me even greater anxiety. I guess I know what I should do (not act on any compulsions) but this just fills me with SO much dread... any advice and guidance will be very much appreciated. 

Thank you. 

 

The reality is there is no way to not be contaminated somehow when using the bathroom. Turn the tap on with contaminated hands, wash your hands -> now they are non-contaminated but then you have to touch the sink tap to turn the water off. I say this only to say no matter how clean OCD thinks we can make ourselves and to avoid any possible contamination, it's never going to be enough even if it was possible. All you can do is try to tackle these compulsions and if that is hard at least delaying it by a few minutes before engaging in the compulsions would be good. Also not trying to get other family members to engage in your compulsions for you will help when they do come to visit.

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18 minutes ago, Lorna02 said:

I have a big contamination trigger coming up for me early next week and I am absolutely dreading it!!! I have not had to face my fears for quite some time and I can't stop worrying about it. 

I am meeting my uncle on Monday with my nephews and I have not seen him since last October when my contamination issues were hugely triggered. Unfortunately my uncle is one of my main triggers. I won't go into details but he has medical issues, one of which is eczema on his hands so he can only use a special moisturiser to wash instead of anti bacterial hand wash. In my head this can only mean that his hands must contain germs and bacteria because when he uses the bathroom he is not able to wash his hands properly and my contamination fears are based a lot around toilet germs and feeling disgusted by them! 

I fear anything my uncle touches will be contaminated, including money he is planning to give to my nephews. I will then feel my nephews have been contaminated and anything they then go on and touch will become contaminated, including the car, and then when we get home, my house will start to feel contaminated. I will then want to obsessively start cleaning everything, knowing I won't be able to get everything clean because of re-contamination and my anxiety levels will go the extreme! I know it sounds crazy but I just know that that one day will spoil the whole week I get to spend with my nephews, just like it has done many times before. 

My online therapy sessions I did last year were not really helpful and we never really worked much on exposure therapy to do with my main triggers. We just started off small and never really progressed any further because my sessions came to an end. 

I guess what I'm asking is, what should I do to lesson my anxiety? The compulsions themselves cause me so much anxiety but the thought of not doing them will cause me even greater anxiety. I guess I know what I should do (not act on any compulsions) but this just fills me with SO much dread... any advice and guidance will be very much appreciated. 

Thank you. 

 

I know upcoming triggers can feel really difficult and once the compulsions start, they spiral quite quickly and the anxiety feels unbearable.

I think firstly, be kind to yourself and proud that you are wanting to still do it, despite OCD’s tales. As convincing as the thoughts may be, they are ultimately just thoughts. Thinking anything isn’t more likely to make it true.

When I have events upcoming that I know may expose me to a trigger, then I practice self compassion. It’s easy to let negative thinking take over and the self loathing can kick in and then the compulsions feel inevitable. I start reminding myself that it’s really hard and if I do end up doing compulsions, that it’s okay and I can keep trying to bring myself back to the present and do the best I can. 

Also, practicing mindfulness. You don’t need to be in the future, preempting these hypothetical scenarios and you don’t need to be in the past where you’re reliving a trigger from last time. Practicing being where you are right now and focusing on what you’d like to be doing if these intrusive thoughts weren’t happening is really helpful.
 

We can choose how we react to the thoughts and it takes time and practice and a whole lot of anxiety at first but it does get better. The anxiety won’t go down by doing compulsions, as you know. Your mind will always bring up more potential what ifs and the rumination is fuelling it all and keeping you stuck in the cycle.

Practice living right now up until the event. It feels scary and neglectful but once you start living your life and not engaging with the thoughts, it becomes a lot easier. They will pop back and they will feel horrendous but gently remind yourself to be here in the present and know that the compulsions never ever help.

Plan some nice things for yourself this weekend if you can - things that can take up your attention and focus on the present as best as you can. 
 

Be kind to yourself, you’ve got this! Give yourself lots of praise and rewards too.

 

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Antibacterial soap is actually unnecessary and is basically a marketing gimmick. It's only really necessary if you work in a medical environment. The action of washing with soap and water is what kills the germs by physically breaking them apart, so if your uncle washes his hands with a moisturising soap (I'm assuming it's Dermol or something like that) then his hands will be clean.

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Emollient creams and ointments like epaderm, zerobase, dirpobase etc are prescribed by doctors in the treatment of a bunch of conditions and as such are clinically tested.    Here's the NHS website https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/emollients/.  Doctors would not prescribe a person  a soap substitute that wouldn't work especially for a conditions like eczema where the skin is cracked or open.  That wouldn't make any sense.  Emollient soap substitutes were also tested in the break down of corona virus and found to be as effective as soap.  

In fact I've actually considered recommending emollient ointments on this forums before for the over washer amongst as it's what I use every day for hand washing and showering and it has saved me peeling my skin off on multiple occasions.  

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Just now, ocdjonesy said:

Emollient creams and ointments like epaderm, zerobase, dirpobase etc are prescribed by doctors in the treatment of a bunch of conditions and as such are clinically tested.    Here's the NHS website https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/emollients/.  Doctors would not prescribe a person  a soap substitute that wouldn't work especially for a conditions like eczema where the skin is cracked or open.  That wouldn't make any sense.  Emollient soap substitutes were also tested in the break down of corona virus and found to be as effective as soap.  

In fact I've actually considered recommending emollient ointments on this forums before for the over washer amongst as it's what I use every day for hand washing and showering and it has saved me peeling my skin off on multiple occasions.  

I used to be a nurse until relatively recently, and so many of us were prescribed Dermol or something similar by occupational health, as we all had eczema from over-washing our hands due to the demands of the job. So it's obviously clinically effective enough to be used in hospital settings full of pathogens and all kinds of nasty stuff, and believe me there was lots of that about haha. I worked on an infectious diseases ward at one point, and the Dermol cream was fine!

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2 minutes ago, Lynz said:

I used to be a nurse until relatively recently, and so many of us were prescribed Dermol or something similar by occupational health, as we all had eczema from over-washing our hands due to the demands of the job. So it's obviously clinically effective enough to be used in hospital settings full of pathogens and all kinds of nasty stuff, and believe me there was lots of that about haha. I worked on an infectious diseases ward at one point, and the Dermol cream was fine!

Yeah I genuinely think it should be part of the OCD harm reduction tool kit.  Of course that's not what I was prescribed it for (I got it for dry skin due to amytriptiline use) but it's genuinely very good for those days when you're feeling all over washy and is an absolute life saver in that respect. I mean I do worry about being slightly more flammable now and ok your hair probably gets a bit greasier faster if you're a chronic hair toucher (like me) but it's a lot better than having no skin on your fingers anymore 🤣

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17 hours ago, DRS1 said:

The reality is there is no way to not be contaminated somehow when using the bathroom. Turn the tap on with contaminated hands, wash your hands -> now they are non-contaminated but then you have to touch the sink tap to turn the water off. I say this only to say no matter how clean OCD thinks we can make ourselves and to avoid any possible contamination, it's never going to be enough even if it was possible. All you can do is try to tackle these compulsions and if that is hard at least delaying it by a few minutes before engaging in the compulsions would be good. Also not trying to get other family members to engage in your compulsions for you will help when they do come to visit.

Thank you for your reply. I totally understand what you are saying about taps etc never being 100% clean and this just adds to my contamination fears. My way of dealing with it is to keep cleaning them daily or use a tissue or just one finger to touch them. I know this is all wrong and is just maintaining the problem. I really hope to one day be able to break this vicious cycle 

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17 hours ago, determination987 said:

I know upcoming triggers can feel really difficult and once the compulsions start, they spiral quite quickly and the anxiety feels unbearable.

I think firstly, be kind to yourself and proud that you are wanting to still do it, despite OCD’s tales. As convincing as the thoughts may be, they are ultimately just thoughts. Thinking anything isn’t more likely to make it true.

When I have events upcoming that I know may expose me to a trigger, then I practice self compassion. It’s easy to let negative thinking take over and the self loathing can kick in and then the compulsions feel inevitable. I start reminding myself that it’s really hard and if I do end up doing compulsions, that it’s okay and I can keep trying to bring myself back to the present and do the best I can. 

Also, practicing mindfulness. You don’t need to be in the future, preempting these hypothetical scenarios and you don’t need to be in the past where you’re reliving a trigger from last time. Practicing being where you are right now and focusing on what you’d like to be doing if these intrusive thoughts weren’t happening is really helpful.
 

We can choose how we react to the thoughts and it takes time and practice and a whole lot of anxiety at first but it does get better. The anxiety won’t go down by doing compulsions, as you know. Your mind will always bring up more potential what ifs and the rumination is fuelling it all and keeping you stuck in the cycle.

Practice living right now up until the event. It feels scary and neglectful but once you start living your life and not engaging with the thoughts, it becomes a lot easier. They will pop back and they will feel horrendous but gently remind yourself to be here in the present and know that the compulsions never ever help.

Plan some nice things for yourself this weekend if you can - things that can take up your attention and focus on the present as best as you can. 
 

Be kind to yourself, you’ve got this! Give yourself lots of praise and rewards too.

 

Thank you for your caring reply, you don't know how much someone saying to me "You've got this" actually means to me. I don't have anyone to talk to openly and honestly about my OCD and anxiety, I don't think anybody can fully understand until they are going through it themselves. I have found this forum to be a blessing, people just get you and know the difficulties and struggles we pretty much have to face on a daily basis. 

I think self compassion is something I definitely need to work on. I put myself down a lot and think "why me". My sister is the complete opposite, super confident, happy and enjoying life. She has a family, a career, all things I can only dream of. 

You are so right about once the compulsions start they very quickly spiral out of control. That's part of what I'm dreading, everything that follows after seeing my Uncle. I know we do compulsions to bring us some temporary relief from our anxiety, but boy are they mentally and physically exhausting!! After a big trigger, my contamination fears can go on for such a long time, sometimes over a year later I can still believe something to be contaminated.. how crazy is that! I would love to think that I can get through Monday and not engage in any compulsions afterwards but I just can't see that happening. But I know if I just allow myself to do a very small amount of cleaning there is no way I would be able to stop at that. I just don't know what to do!

Thank you so much again for all your helpful advice, it really is very much appreciated. 

 

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@Lynz @ocdjonesy Thank you for sharing this info on emollient creams and I really hope I didn't offend anyone by saying their hands must still be dirty. It is just the way my crazy brain thinks! If a product says it kills up to 99.9% bacteria it makes me think that anything that doesn't say that must not remove germs and bacteria. I totally understand what you both are saying though and it does help to know these creams are used in hospitals. 

Unfortunately though, the eczema isn't my only trigger sadly. He has another medical problem that involves toileting issues and over the years this has become more and more of a trigger for me. Covid obviously meant we couldn't visit each other and however much I feel bad for saying it, this was good for me because it meant I could avoid any major triggering situations. The trouble is the more I've avoided situations involving him, the bigger the issue has become.

 

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1 hour ago, Lorna02 said:

Thank you for your caring reply, you don't know how much someone saying to me "You've got this" actually means to me. I don't have anyone to talk to openly and honestly about my OCD and anxiety, I don't think anybody can fully understand until they are going through it themselves. I have found this forum to be a blessing, people just get you and know the difficulties and struggles we pretty much have to face on a daily basis. 

I think self compassion is something I definitely need to work on. I put myself down a lot and think "why me". My sister is the complete opposite, super confident, happy and enjoying life. She has a family, a career, all things I can only dream of. 

You are so right about once the compulsions start they very quickly spiral out of control. That's part of what I'm dreading, everything that follows after seeing my Uncle. I know we do compulsions to bring us some temporary relief from our anxiety, but boy are they mentally and physically exhausting!! After a big trigger, my contamination fears can go on for such a long time, sometimes over a year later I can still believe something to be contaminated.. how crazy is that! I would love to think that I can get through Monday and not engage in any compulsions afterwards but I just can't see that happening. But I know if I just allow myself to do a very small amount of cleaning there is no way I would be able to stop at that. I just don't know what to do!

Thank you so much again for all your helpful advice, it really is very much appreciated. 

 

I know, I feel like self compassion is so hard when we’ve spent so long with OCD’s negative narratives but that just means that we definitely need it! It’s hard resisting the urge to do compulsions and choosing to go against our instincts and we deserve to give ourself praise and respect. 
 

Ultimately, this is the only way forward as the compulsions just make it worse 😔. I think we feel like we need to get rid of the anxiety because it feels so uncomfortable but we can sit with discomfort without doing anything about it. We can handle the discomfort, I promise.

I think what helped me was realising that if anything bad was actually happening, that I would handle that as and when it does. The exhausting compulsions would just make it even harder and we can face difficult things. We have faced them daily through OCD’s narrative even through we don’t need to. That makes you unbelievably strong and not doing the compulsions will make you stronger and more resilient and you can live your life the way you want - not how OCD wants you to.

Try and set some small goals each day and don’t beat yourself up if you end up doing compulsions, it’s part of the process. Building it up and gaining confidence will help so much and the more you practice, the easier it will become.

You can handle Monday but rather than preparing for it mentally all over the weekend, try and think of things that you’d like to do now. What would you want to be doing if you didn’t have this coming up? What can you do that’s good for you?

Let us know how you get on 😊

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You probably won't be able to avoid all your compulsions this time. It's OK. Big triggers are easier to deal with once you have already started doing gradual exposures. I think you should see this dreaded day as a starting point in your journey to recovery. 

I would suggest putting your thoughts on paper. Start a diary. Write down exactly what you fear and the compulsions you feel compelled to do. Be specific. Keeping the thoughts in your head make them worse. 

Maybe you will spot one or two compulsions that will be easy for you not to perform. Identify one or two items that you agree not to clean, or not too much. You can clean the rest. Or let some time pass before cleaning. 

If you expect right away a total success, you'll probably fail - and the only thing you'll get is discouragement.

Write down your successes and failures. To fail is part of the journey. Be aware of your successes, no matter how small. Again, be specific! 

In the meantime, keep yourself busy. Do activities you enjoy and be super kind to yourself. Would you be mean to someone in rehabilitation who can't walk right away? 

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2 hours ago, Lorna02 said:

@Lynz @ocdjonesy Thank you for sharing this info on emollient creams and I really hope I didn't offend anyone by saying their hands must still be dirty. It is just the way my crazy brain thinks! If a product says it kills up to 99.9% bacteria it makes me think that anything that doesn't say that must not remove germs and bacteria. I totally understand what you both are saying though and it does help to know these creams are used in hospitals. 

Nah you're fine I'm not offended - I know how ridiculous OCD is.  Some of my compulsions are just the stupidest things you can think of so I know it's nothing personal.  You're triggered by what you're triggered by and that's how it is so don't feel like you have to apologise for it.

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4 hours ago, Lorna02 said:

@Lynz @ocdjonesy Thank you for sharing this info on emollient creams and I really hope I didn't offend anyone by saying their hands must still be dirty. It is just the way my crazy brain thinks! If a product says it kills up to 99.9% bacteria it makes me think that anything that doesn't say that must not remove germs and bacteria. I totally understand what you both are saying though and it does help to know these creams are used in hospitals. 

Unfortunately though, the eczema isn't my only trigger sadly. He has another medical problem that involves toileting issues and over the years this has become more and more of a trigger for me. Covid obviously meant we couldn't visit each other and however much I feel bad for saying it, this was good for me because it meant I could avoid any major triggering situations. The trouble is the more I've avoided situations involving him, the bigger the issue has become.

 

Don't worry I'm not offended in the slightest. I just wanted to share that information in the hope that it may help reduce some of the anxiety that you're feeling about it all.

I'm sorry you have additional compulsions though. I can understand how you feel as toilet hygiene is a bit of a trigger for me too. What has helped for me is being absolutely ruthless in not doing as many compulsions as possible about issues like that. It can be really hard though and sometimes for me the only way through is to just bear it until I can remove myself from the situation.

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@determination987 @C3PO @ocdjonesy @Lynz Thank you everyone, it really does help to talk about things and read all the wonderful help and advice you have to offer. I will take everything on board and hopefully I can face tomorrow and try and enjoy the week with my nephews. The trouble is being two young boys I am constantly worrying about their level of hygiene and not washing their hands properly! But... I will try hard to resist engaging in too many compulsions and understand that by doing this, I will feel a lot of anxiety and discomfort, but hopefully over time it will lesson and like you said @C3PO , I should look at this as a starting point in my journey to recovery. 

I will update you on how I get on but it probably won't be until the following week and this coming week is going to be a pretty busy time with my nephews. 

Thank you all so much again, you guys are the best! 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I just thought I would let you know how I got on seeing my uncle.

I have to be honest it was very anxiety provoking and he gave both my nephews some money which in my head was contaminated. My mum looked after it for them which made me believe anything she then went on and touched after handling the money was then contaminated. Unfortunately these thoughts have remained in my head since, but I really tried my hardest to resist the temptation to clean everything. The one compulsion I couldn't stop was hand washing after I touched something I believed to be contaminated. But.. I am taking this as a small amount of progress as I wasn't obsessively cleaning everything which I really thought I would be doing. Yes, my anxiety levels have been very high but I keep trying to tell myself this is a good thing, because instead of acting on lots of compulsions, I am hopefully learning to tolerate uncertainty and with time my anxiety levels will lesson (fingers crossed!). I know I have only taken baby steps, and the biggest test will be visiting my uncle at his house or him visiting us which to be honest still fills me with absolute dread.  

I have also purchased a book to help me try and deal with my anxiety. Trying to resist compulsions whilst also dealing with intrusive thoughts has really shown me that I need to start learning techniques to help me cope with my anxiety, not just my OCD. I feel like I have zero motivation at the moment and my mood is very low. It's strange because on Saturday I was having an ok day and then I woke up yesterday feeling so incredibly flat and can't seem to pick myself up. There wasn't a particular trigger either, I just feel like my head is so heavy and feel so tired. I also keep hearing from my sister about all the fun amazing things she's doing with her life and instead of feeling happy for her, I feel bitter, because I want a life, one that isn't filled with OCD, anxiety, worry, fear.... 

Anyways, sorry for babbling on, it's just nice being able to talk openly on here. 

 

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