How can I help my son?

[louloulou]

My 12 year old is showing ocd traits (checking, washing hands).   

He did have some problems and was referred to Cahms which finished earlier this year and was really improving.  He began to start checking things, touching items a certain number of times which have now started to interferre with normal life.  

He is anxious about people in his life getting hurt.  Recently he was talking about the case where the young women was abducted and killed by a policeman and worries this could happen to me.  He checks where I am going/doing constantly.  He told me if he checks certains things it will keep me safe.  I'm not sure how to word to him and we can never be 100% in control of life.  

I think I need to get him some counselling with an OCD specialist.  He is a lot worse since summer holidays because he has more time to think and worry about things.

 

Any advice please?  

[DRS1]

2 hours ago, louloulou said:

My 12 year old is showing ocd traits (checking, washing hands).   

He did have some problems and was referred to Cahms which finished earlier this year and was really improving.  He began to start checking things, touching items a certain number of times which have now started to interferre with normal life.  

He is anxious about people in his life getting hurt.  Recently he was talking about the case where the young women was abducted and killed by a policeman and worries this could happen to me.  He checks where I am going/doing constantly.  He told me if he checks certains things it will keep me safe.  I'm not sure how to word to him and we can never be 100% in control of life.  

I think I need to get him some counselling with an OCD specialist.  He is a lot worse since summer holidays because he has more time to think and worry about things.

 

Any advice please?  

There are a few things to consider. The main one is for you and the rest of the family to not accommodate in the OCD behaviours. This means not doing compulsions or being part of his compulsions as that only furthers the problem. The second is to talk with him and if he's open about it to explain the different things he is doing to prevent bad things from happening and what those bad things are. Another part is education of the condition itself and how it works. If he has never heard of OCD before, he may not understand that what he is experiencing does have a name and what his compulsions are end up being attempts to control things that no one has control over. This can be education through self-help books for example.

 

Also note themes may change but this does NOT change OCD. It is still the same pattern of having intrusive thoughts, images or sensations and having anxiety and all of that feels very real and then the urgency to do something either to reduce the anxiety or to prevent the thing we experience in intrusive thoughts, images or sensations. I definitely noticed that the less I have to do, the more OCD acts up so I understand the flare up for him over the summer holidays. 

 

The most important part is just him knowing that you are there to listen to him and that you aren't going to judge him for the thoughts that he has no control over experiencing. No matter how scary or strange the thoughts, images or sensations are, they are all just OCD. I definitely agree with trying to get him into therapy if you can as OCD without the skills to handle it only tends to get worse. I'm not sure what else to add but if you need help in getting him access to treatment or talking to the GP, I'm sure OCD-UK will be able to help put you in the right direction for that if needed.

 

Added Point:

Reading the post again, has he already went through CAMHS for OCD treatment?

[Gemma@OCDUK]

17 hours ago, louloulou said:

My 12 year old is showing ocd traits (checking, washing hands).   

He did have some problems and was referred to Cahms which finished earlier this year and was really improving.  He began to start checking things, touching items a certain number of times which have now started to interferre with normal life.  

He is anxious about people in his life getting hurt.  Recently he was talking about the case where the young women was abducted and killed by a policeman and worries this could happen to me.  He checks where I am going/doing constantly.  He told me if he checks certains things it will keep me safe.  I'm not sure how to word to him and we can never be 100% in control of life.  

I think I need to get him some counselling with an OCD specialist.  He is a lot worse since summer holidays because he has more time to think and worry about things.

 

Any advice please?  

Hi Louloulou,

If your son was improving with CAMHS, then is it possible to get back in touch with them about further CBT? 

Gemma

 

[howard]

On 03/08/2022 at 14:55, louloulou said:

My 12 year old is showing ocd traits (checking, washing hands).   

He did have some problems and was referred to Cahms which finished earlier this year and was really improving.  He began to start checking things, touching items a certain number of times which have now started to interferre with normal life.  

He is anxious about people in his life getting hurt.  Recently he was talking about the case where the young women was abducted and killed by a policeman and worries this could happen to me.  He checks where I am going/doing constantly.  He told me if he checks certains things it will keep me safe.  I'm not sure how to word to him and we can never be 100% in control of life.  

I think I need to get him some counselling with an OCD specialist.  He is a lot worse since summer holidays because he has more time to think and worry about things.

 

Any advice please?  

And while you are waiting for specialist OCD help. I'm not sure it's a good idea to talk about 'control' as this appears to be one of the core drives of OCD. Or lack of.

It also might be a good idea to restrict his access to media that sensationalises as that can make anyone anxious.

What is he interested in, and what activities does he enjoy, because focusing on them will give his mind a break from worrying.

Or are there any activities that he might be interested in that you could encourage him to do.

Some activities are aimed at giving adolescents confidence and trust in themselves, which in itself might make him feel more in control.

[Bee Bot 19]

Hi louloulou, I just wanted to say that I understand everything you are feeling and going through. Our daughter, now 11, saw CAMHS for her "checking" when she was in year 4 of Primary, so aged 8. CAMHS really helped and she has managed her generalised and separation anxiety well since then and through the Primary to Secondary school transition. Unfortunately Secondary school has provided too much uncertainty for her and she is now really struggling. Her checks are now monopolising the time she spends at home., and she is also now doing them on the walk to school in an attempt to make herself feel safe for whatever the day brings. She has found the normal year 7 friendship issues to be hugely triggering and is really struggling. Her checks are all around making sure everything is safe - so if her sister's bedroom light is on, it means she is there and she's not on her own upstairs. If she calls out specifically for me and I respond, then she knows I am still alive and haven't been taken. She has deep rooted fears of abandonment and loss linked to family bereavement and she has dreamt since this time of a witch that comes and takes me away. Or the witch might take over me and she won't know if it is me, or the witch talking. The checking starts from the minute she gets home, and escalates at bedtime - getting her out of her school uniform is tricky as if she's in home clothes, it means bedtime isn't that far away and she will do anything to ensure that she stays awake so that tomorrow doesn't come. We are really struggling as a family and my eldest daughter is finding it very difficult. We are doing our best to not accommodate the OCD but it is very difficult when she is so desperate - last night, she sat at the top of the stairs sobbing for us to hug her - the hugs are part of the checking and I feel desperate at hearing her, especially when every part of me wants to rush to her and provide that comfort. The GP has re-referred her to CAMHS but we've been told it could be up to 18 months to wait for even a decision as to whether she can be seen. I'm not sure I can offer any words of advice, but just reading your post made me feel some comfort that we aren't alone and so I hope mine can do the same for you.

[louloulou]

I do hope your daughter gets the extra support, my son's checking is going up.  Hang on in there, my cahms appt came up quicker than I was told.