Breakups and OCD

[Summer9173]

Hi everybody,

I guess it’s in the title  I’m going through a breakup and honestly I feel like I’m being put through mental torture. My anxiety is horrendous and my OCD harm thoughts have got worse. It’s my birthday on Sunday and I just feel so sad this has all happened now. I feel so lost? I feel like this pain will never go away, has anybody gone through a breakup with OCD, this is another level of pain  

[OB1UK]

Hey

break ups are tough and will put you in a negative mind set. That’s bound to influence your thoughts. One of the emotions we feel at the end of a relationship is grief, in the same way as losing a loved one. Just know that the pain of that grief will diminish over time and you will feel better. In the meantime, you don’t have to hide from it, just use your extra time to be with friends and family if that’s possible. Even if you feel uncomfortable at first.

one of the problems with ocd is that we add so much significance to thing, so events and dates can be one. I always found my ocd would flair up before holidays etc. do whatever you feel comfortable with on your birthday, you can always have a bigger celebration on another day. In the end, it doesn’t really matter.

[Lynz]

I would try and reframe how you're thinking about the breakup rather than catastrophising and getting stuck in a negative spiral. Breakups can be sad and you can go through a grief process with them, but if you try and think positively about it - that the two of you weren't right for each other and by breaking up you will both be moving on to better things, then that helps a lot. Try and avoid a lot of the same traps that come with OCD too such as ruminating over the breakup, second guessing whether you've made the right decision or not, and asking friends and family for reassurance.

It's hard because people with OCD tend to idealise their partners and relationships, and when bad things happen such as breakups we can go all in with the negative obsessive feelings about it all, and feel like we're in the worst pain ever that will never go away. None of that is true however and it's just how our brains are magnifying our emotions and interpreting those emotions and events.

Edited August 10, 2022 by Lynz

[Summer9173]

1 hour ago, OB1UK said:

Hey

break ups are tough and will put you in a negative mind set. That’s bound to influence your thoughts. One of the emotions we feel at the end of a relationship is grief, in the same way as losing a loved one. Just know that the pain of that grief will diminish over time and you will feel better. In the meantime, you don’t have to hide from it, just use your extra time to be with friends and family if that’s possible. Even if you feel uncomfortable at first.

one of the problems with ocd is that we add so much significance to thing, so events and dates can be one. I always found my ocd would flair up before holidays etc. do whatever you feel comfortable with on your birthday, you can always have a bigger celebration on another day. In the end, it doesn’t really matter.

I agree, this grief feeling is awful  I think what’s harder is that I’m still speaking to him. He wants to give things another go, however how he’s made me feel by setting my recovery back and making my OCD worse, it really hasn’t helped at all. 
 

I think one major thing I need to stop doing is running away from this awful feeling. I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself, I’m working full-time and I need time off as I’m struggling to go into work again due to the OCD  I’m so annoyed as I was doing really well, I just feel like I’ve had a major setback. 

[Summer9173]

24 minutes ago, Lynz said:

I would try and reframe how you're thinking about the breakup rather than catastrophising and getting stuck in a negative spiral. Breakups can be sad and you can go through a grief process with them, but if you try and think positively about it - that the two of you weren't right for each other and by breaking up you will both be moving on to better things, then that helps a lot. Try and avoid a lot of the same traps that come with OCD too such as ruminating over the breakup, second guessing whether you've made the right decision or not, and asking friends and family for reassurance.

It's hard because people with OCD tend to idealise their partners and relationships, and when bad things happen such as breakups we can go all in with the negative obsessive feelings about it all, and feel like we're in the worst pain ever that will never go away. None of that is true however and it's just how our brains are magnifying our emotions and interpreting those emotions and events.

Thank you @Lynz  I’m definitely reassurance seeking for sure in many things. I’m experiencing really bad anxiety too that won’t go down which makes me anxious about work. I keep thinking what if I need time off work again? A couple of weeks ago I increased my 15mg of escitalopram to 20mg But the breakup happened at the same time. I just need a day off from my thoughts x

I agree with you completely, I did idolise him, it’s even worse because we’re still messaging eachother and he’s making me think there’s a chance when there really isn’t  

[Lynz]

I can definitely understand the need to want to run away and also to take time off work. However I think work is probably a good thing for you right now as it will provide a good distraction and keep you busy, rather than you being stuck at home ruminating over it all.

I also think you have a lot of perfectionism when it comes to work, and that you set yourself a lot of unrealistic expectations about it. I'm exactly the same way, (and I think you're basically me 10-15 years ago haha).

[Handy]

It can make you obsess more.  You'll be doing stages. It's a long topic.  I used ** moderator deleted ** on YouTube. His videos & there are hundreds, are free. 

[Ashley]

8 hours ago, Handy said:

It can make you obsess more.  You'll be doing stages. It's a long topic.  I used ** moderator deleted ** on YouTube. His videos & there are hundreds, are free. 

I am sure it was perhaps well-meaning, but I am not sure offering somebody with OCD and where the relationship is entangled with OCD the link to a random you tuber offering relationship advice is helpful so I have removed the suggestion.