I'm new here. Worried about the safety of little kids I know.

[alexquinn]

Disclaimer: I haven't been officially diagnosed, but my symptoms match up perfectly with OCD. I also don't have access to a therapist at the moment, so don't ask. If that's a deal breaker for this forum that I wasn't made aware of, just let me know and I'll leave. 

With that being said, hello everyone. I'm 19 years old. And I'm here because it's safe to say I have nowhere else to go. It's not that no one cares, but the people that DO seem to have a superficial view of what I'm dealing with, and I'm honestly tired of trying to explain. It's kind of exhausting even typing this out. But since you guys struggle with similar things, I hope you'll have a better idea of where I'm coming from. 

I struggle with responsibility OCD, as well as false memory OCD, and my compulsions are mostly mental so you could say I also have pure O. Lately, my OCD has been revolving around the fear that children I know are being s*xually abused. I want to believe this has to do with my own trauma from being abused as a kid. But it's really difficult to see it that way when I'm placed in a situation where I could've sworn that an adult was looking at a kid weirdly, or was touching them inappriopately. I start to obsess over what I saw (pure O) and start questioning if I actually saw it (false memory) because I feel that I have to have an answer, or else I'm a bad person for just moving on from the thought (responsibility). 

One very specific roadblock that's difficult for me to overcome is the issue of PROBABILITY. Anyone who knows anything about OCD is aware that what it fears will happen typically isn't very likely. I guess my brain has decided to twist that into something that's very much NOT in my favor. Because every time I'm faced with a dilemna, I think to myself: What's the probability that this will actually happen? And 9 times out of 10, it truly feels like the probability is high. I have to repeatedly go through all types of mental gymnastics to convince myself that it isn't, in order to remove the fear that I might not actually have OCD and that all my worries are justified. 

I have a LOT more to say, but I decided to keep it short and sweet (for me at least) since this is my first post. I'd appreciate a thorough response the most, but even saying "Hi" or "I here you" will suffice at this point. 

Thanks for reading and have a good week. 

Edited August 14, 2022 by snowbear
trigger warning removed - we don't use them on the forum

[NotRock]

Hi @alexquinn, and welcome to this forum. Having a therapist is not a requirement, of course  

Sorry to hear your situation and past experiences, I really wish you are good now.

I dont have a clear advice for you, its a very difficult topic, have you tried to speak with someone else watching the same situation than you? Only to confirm if it something indeed suspicious or not. I guess it can be difficult, especially with not clear situations, because you now "when you point a finger there are three fingers pointing back at you" and people could wonder why you interpret the situation like that...  

13 hours ago, alexquinn said:

And 9 times out of 10, it truly feels like the probability is high.

what is the probability that if you tell the things you saw to authorities they take it into consideration? If you think they would act ,then you should tell them, and clearly that will not be OCD.

I hope other people also can give you more advice, welcome and good time here in the forum  

[alexquinn]

11 hours ago, NotRock said:

Hi @alexquinn, and welcome to this forum. Having a therapist is not a requirement, of course  

Sorry to hear your situation and past experiences, I really wish you are good now.

I dont have a clear advice for you, its a very difficult topic, have you tried to speak with someone else watching the same situation than you? Only to confirm if it something indeed suspicious or not. I guess it can be difficult, especially with not clear situations, because you now "when you point a finger there are three fingers pointing back at you" and people could wonder why you interpret the situation like that...  

what is the probability that if you tell the things you saw to authorities they take it into consideration? If you think they would act ,then you should tell them, and clearly that will not be OCD.

I hope other people also can give you more advice, welcome and good time here in the forum  

Thank you so much for responding. I've considered the possibility of people misinterpreting my perception of these situations, which is a big part of why I don't really say anything to begin with unless it really triggers me. I don't even think there's a high probability that the authorities would much in most-if not all-these situations, but of course my brain loves to dig deeper and find more problems that I can't solve. 

[PolarBear]

Hello, Alex. Welcome.

For someone who is new to the OCD world and undiagnosed, uou have a lot of insight into what's going on with you. That's a good thing.

We don't know what really causes OCD but for some there seems to be a correlation between a past trauma and current obsessions. At first glance, it seems your hyper responsibility is in line with being abused when you were younger.

I know you don't have a therapist but at any time did you seek help dealing with that childhood trauma? I'm wondering if that would be a good place for you to start.

[alexquinn]

16 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Hello, Alex. Welcome.

For someone who is new to the OCD world and undiagnosed, uou have a lot of insight into what's going on with you. That's a good thing.

We don't know what really causes OCD but for some there seems to be a correlation between a past trauma and current obsessions. At first glance, it seems your hyper responsibility is in line with being abused when you were younger.

I know you don't have a therapist but at any time did you seek help dealing with that childhood trauma? I'm wondering if that would be a good place for you to start.

 

Edited August 16, 2022 by alexquinn

[alexquinn]

 

16 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Hello, Alex. Welcome.

For someone who is new to the OCD world and undiagnosed, uou have a lot of insight into what's going on with you. That's a good thing.

We don't know what really causes OCD but for some there seems to be a correlation between a past trauma and current obsessions. At first glance, it seems your hyper responsibility is in line with being abused when you were younger.

I know you don't have a therapist but at any time did you seek help dealing with that childhood trauma? I'm wondering if that would be a good place for you to start.

Hello and thank you for responding. I actually spoke to my parents in the past about getting a therapist. I've been making active efforts to improve by exercising more often as well as taking up some new (and old) recreational activities. But recently they told me that that won't be happening anymore, because me asking them about it a lot is proof that I think "therapy will fix me" and I need to learn to live without it. That was really the straw that broke the camel's back, and led me to this forum. 

Edited August 16, 2022 by alexquinn

[PolarBear]

Therapy teaches you how to fix yourself.

[alexquinn]

45 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Therapy teaches you how to fix yourself.

I agree, and I told my parents this in response, but they wouldn't budge

[Caramoole]

I know that therapy was the last thing you wanted to chat about but as you've gone on to discuss it further, could I just ask, do you feel that your parents understand what type of therapy is given for OCD?  Do they see it as "talk therapy", psychotherapy type of stuff or do they understand that CBT is rather different?  It seems that your aversion to therapy isn't that you aren't open to it but that you feel it's unavailable to you due to lack of support from your parents.  You are of course 19 and can seek that therapy on your own freely, that is of course if you're in the UK.  The good news is that there are excellent books available that can guide you through self-applied CBT.  This can be done but it can be a little harder (for some) to apply the methods recommended