Need guidance and support

[AnxiousAnnie]

Really struggling with health related ocd atm and currently focussed on my hands and arms. Convinced I'm dying from ALS or similar. Seeing a neurologist on Monday (initially referred 2 years ago). Not been seen by therapist for weeks (don't get me started) and not due to be seen for about another 2-3 weeks. How do I even begin to stop compulsions when am using my hands constantly so can't not be aware of any weakness / twitching etc. The thoughts and panic are so rapid I don't have time to redirect myself. 

 

[Bismah OCD-UK Volunteer]

Hi AnxiousAnnie,

Sorry to hear that you’re struggling. Health OCD can be very exhausting. The best thing to do when your thoughts are moving rapidly is to just try and let it do whatever it’s doing. It’ll be hard to do this at first because you’re used to fighting them off but you need to build the practice of allowing them to float in your mind. Acceptance is the best thing to do as it helps you to step back from the situation. I know this will feel really difficult but slowly and surely you can start to manage your ocd more. 

Try not to force or ‘redirect’ your mind to go somewhere else as this is also you trying to get rid of your thoughts showing your ocd that you are afraid of it. You should try to get stuck in some healthy distractions but if anxiety is there then just let it be there. Don’t focus on it and carry on engaging in that activity. 

Bismah

 

[AnxiousAnnie]

Sadly my neuro appointment probably made things worse as I was not examined and I think essentially it was put down to ocd with no other attempt at explanation. 

Since then I've noticed my dominant arm is weaker than my non-dominant and when lifting a chair, my wrist failed in my right wrist (dominant) but not my left. This had led to constant wanting to check muscle strength to the point I've strained both my arms. But still having panic attacks and wanting to test more. Feel like I have no support and nobody to talk to at the moment. Really let down by both mental and physical health services. 

[ocdjonesy]

You need to stop checking.  I know that seems like a bad idea but checking isn't going to stop you having something wrong with you.  It's not rational and it's a waste of time.  -  If you have a neurological problem giving yourself RSI isn't going to make it go away or get better and neither is spending all your time worrying about it.  I say this as someone with pretty virulent health OCD who has lost hours poking herself stupid over this kind of thing.  Fussing yourself raw is not going to stop you dying or getting ill.  If it was people with OCD would be immortal.

I know that seems glib but honestly you're making yourself really ill by worrying about being ill which is pretty much the definition of irony.  

 

[AnxiousAnnie]

Ah yes but here you are trying to use logic and that just isn't working. If that worked I wouldn't have this issue! 

[snowbear]

2 hours ago, AnxiousAnnie said:

Ah yes but here you are trying to use logic and that just isn't working. If that worked I wouldn't have this issue! 

It's true. OCD is unbelievably illogical.

So take a different approach. Assume the worst!

Assume you do have a neurological or muscle problem. And assume that as long as you exhibit signs of OCD the medics are never going to take you seriously. Assume that therefore you're on your own with this weakness you've noticed. Assume there is no fix/ cure, that this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life and you need to get used to it, find ways to cope in spite of the weakness.

In other words, assume the absolute worst! Can't be any worse than your OCD is telling you, right?

But here's where you do things differently. Instead of panicking and ruminating about the weakness as OCD dictates, decide that if 'this is it' then you simply have to make the best of it.

Trust me, speaking as one who has considerable physical limitations, weakness and pain, when you've accepted you have a genuine problem you don't continually test yourself. You conserve your energy. You do what needs done, lift, walk, carry as needed and no more.

So, assume you do have a genuine problem and it isn't OCD. Try a different approach and see if it helps you to stop hurting yourself by testing. You can't be any worse off! And it might just give your muscles a chance to rest, heal and recover.

 

[ocdjonesy]

1 hour ago, snowbear said:

It's true. OCD is unbelievably illogical.

So take a different approach. Assume the worst!

Assume you do have a neurological or muscle problem. And assume that as long as you exhibit signs of OCD the medics are never going to take you seriously. Assume that therefore you're on your own with this weakness you've noticed. Assume there is no fix/ cure, that this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life and you need to get used to it, find ways to cope in spite of the weakness.

In other words, assume the absolute worst! Can't be any worse than your OCD is telling you, right?

But here's where you do things differently. Instead of panicking and ruminating about the weakness as OCD dictates, decide that if 'this is it' then you simply have to make the best of it.

Trust me, speaking as one who has considerable physical limitations, weakness and pain, when you've accepted you have a genuine problem you don't continually test yourself. You conserve your energy. You do what needs done, lift, walk, carry as needed and no more.

So, assume you do have a genuine problem and it isn't OCD. Try a different approach and see if it helps you to stop hurting yourself by testing. You can't be any worse off! And it might just give your muscles a chance to rest, heal and recover.

 

Thanks for summing up something I couldn't put into words properly myself.  My parents have been staying at ours the last couple of days and it's scrambled my brain having someone in my space so I can't quite manage the sort of explanation of my point I'd like to.

But essentially this ^^^

If there was something seriously wrong with you that was going to kill you would you want to spend the time remaining to you poking your arms till they hurt?  

No.  You would not.  That would be a horrible waste.  So to make sure that doesn't happen, because you are going to get ill and die at some point, you have to learn to operate through your OCD.  If there is something seriously wrong with you need to be able to present that to the people who can help you through the filter of OCD and you can't do that until you can control how you respond to the OCD.  

So yes.  Assume the worst.  That lumpy lymph node is cancer.  It is freaking you out.  If you keep poking it you are going to hurt yourself.  You have done it before.  You need help for two problems.  Your physical ailment and your OCD.  You need to be able to conceptualise that, work through the fear of both and communicate effectively with people to get what you need.  

And you can't do that if you don't work towards stopping the compulsions and accepting logic.  The compulsions are what stop you being logical.  They don't leave any space for possibility.  You do not have the time to let the logic work if you are spending it all giving yourself rsi.  You have to try to stop because it's a miserable way to live and you deserve better.

 

[AnxiousAnnie]

My understanding is though that the other way - acting as tho you do have the illness - is no better and also reinforces the ocd though. 

[ocdjonesy]

No sitting with the thought, accepting and letting the anxiety it causes you be there without doing compulsions - like checking - is essentially the goal.  You're not acting like you have the illness you're accepting the idea that you could be ill and choosing to react to it in a way that does not involve OCD.  The idea is that one day you could possibly come down with cancer or whatever it is you're scared of and accept the way that that makes you feel as something you can tolerate and you can't learn to tolerate that fear if you're engaging with it by doing OCD behaviours.

[Ashley]

47 minutes ago, AnxiousAnnie said:

My understanding is though that the other way - acting as tho you do have the illness - is no better and also reinforces the ocd though. 

If your are unsure if something is OCD or not, then the golden rule is to assume it is OCD and try not to engage in what OCD is wanting. Easier said than done I know.   By taking this approach does not mean it will automatically reinforce OCD at all, and is actually an attempt to stand up tot he OCD.  Of course it wont always work, but like many others I have found the approach helpful to recogonise actually that is an OCD thought/behaviour.