Husbands OCD

[E.Stanger]

I have posted previously but find myself in need of reassurance again. My husbands OCD seemed to be easing away when we got back from honeymoon, he no longer cared if we used the living room, he let me put away the cutlery and we were using the kitchen countertops freely but it has slowly crept back up on him and it’s now back to where it was. It’s now to the point where he has to be left alone when cleaning or he gets incredibly stressed and if I’m on the same floor as him, I’m intruding. This means I spend a lot of time in the bedroom waiting for him to be done cleaning so I can go downstairs, he asks if I’ve touched anything again and if I tell him that he needs to handle this and stop it taking over, it causes arguments. It’s ruining our relationship because I’m starting to become nervous constantly that I’ve done or touched something I shouldn’t have and if he notices. I also prefer my time alone when he’s at work because I know once he’s home, he’ll be checking what’s been touched again. The worst thing is, he won’t get help because he believes medications and CBT does not work and that he’s beyond help. He also insists on doing all the cleaning and organising in our home as he claims I’m not as thorough and don’t do as good a job as him. It’s really getting me down and I’ll go as far to say it’s making me depressed. 

[snowbear]

Hi E,

That he improved on return from honeymoon is good news as it shows his OCD does get better when he's had a break from the routine/ habit of it and when he's perhaps less stressed generally.

On 03/09/2022 at 14:20, E.Stanger said:

The worst thing is, he won’t get help because he believes medications and CBT does not work and that he’s beyond help.

This belief needs challenged. It may be partly defensive to stop you pestering him to seek help when he doesn't want to change, so you need to get him to see that change is necessary for the health of your relationship as much as for his own good.

The main reason for CBT not working is the person not wanting to change. So give him some incentive or reason to try.

On 03/09/2022 at 14:20, E.Stanger said:

I spend a lot of time in the bedroom waiting for him to be done cleaning so I can go downstairs

I’m starting to become nervous constantly that I’ve done or touched something I shouldn’t have

I also prefer my time alone when he’s at work

 It’s really getting me down and I’ll go as far to say it’s making me depressed. 

It's clearly having a huge impact on you and your life. Being made to feel this way in your own home isn't acceptable and he has to be made to see this.

Take steps to look after your mental wellbeing. Consider speaking to a counsellor at your local IAPT about how this is starting to make you nervous and depressed. Perhaps seeing you reach out for support will make him realise his behaviour is not a trivial matter.

Try to get on with life normally as much as possible even if it causes some arguments. Aim to change the focus of any arguments into how to help him challenge his OCD rather than allowing him to frame it as what you've done 'wrong'.

And as I put on another thread you replied to, consider our support group zoom meeting for family and friends. Next one is on 27th September at 7pm.