I’m in a nightmare

[Phili]

My OCD is terrible. It’s my left boob, I checked it with my t-shirt, by that I mean I gather the bottom of my t-shirt and pull it down over the boob and pull it over one spot and then the next and so on. So the other day I convinced myself that the outer side was higher. Then I checked again six times and it was normal. I managed to ignore the compulsion until just now. 
now it goes from I think it’s OK to doubting if it is, to it being higher, to a lump the size of a tangerine, to then feeling it poke underneath so that now there is a lump there too. 
im in a complete pit of OCD. I know I shouldn’t check, I know this is classic OCD but the doubt and the fear is so overwhelming. The being positive something is there and then being positive it’s fine and then the in the middle. Plus checking by pulling down my t-shirt is so impractical. My brain keeps telling me there is something wrong and I’m in denial and then In the end I can’t even tell and am just left scared, trembling and exhausted.
I’ve had no mental health support all year. The integrated psychology team has put me on a waiting list of a possible 3-6 months, maybe, perhaps. 
now I’m sitting here convinced I’m going to die and yet not sure. Please, I need some support, please no doctors mention, it triggers me further. The only support I have is my friend who beat mild ocd on her own and whose mum had the c word in her breasts. 

[snowbear]

So obsessive thinking has got a hold on you again. You've been here many times before, you know what to do. Time to put it into practice.

Stop the compulsive checking is number one. What else? Maybe if you write it out here it will remind you.

[Phili]

I don’t even know anymore

[angels]

I feel for you not having the support sorry to hear that. I am not in a great place right now but I just wanted to say your not alone. If you ignore the intrusive thoughts and breath and refocus continue ly and the brain will know you have control and slow down its the trying to find an answer the overanalysing creates doubt the compulsive checking keeping it go. Wish I could take my own advice lol good luck keep fighting.