My OCD is ruining me

[Jaz]

Hi there, 

I suppose im trying to look for some light because I am struggling so much and am awaiting counselling, we’ll I’ve been waiting for just shy of a year.

I have several forms of OCD, the most prevalent at the moment being contamination OCD, it is ruining my life, I can’t carry out any simple tasks, I am washing my hands hundreds of times a day, I am cleaning everything, in a state of panic all the time, I also have a terrible fear of blood and have convinced myself I have hiv even though I’ve never shared a needle nor been able to contract it through intimacy, I am at my wits end, I just want to live my life, I’ve got a wonderful boyfriend and lovely animals, I can’t carry on like this, I am struggling to go to work, I have a constant headache, it’s all too much 

 

I just want to know if anyone has been through something similar, and if you’ve managed to overcome any of it, and also what can I do to keep going whilst I’m awaiting help? 
 

Thank you, 

J

[DRS1]

1 minute ago, Jaz said:

Hi there, 

I suppose im trying to look for some light because I am struggling so much and am awaiting counselling, we’ll I’ve been waiting for just shy of a year.

I have several forms of OCD, the most prevalent at the moment being contamination OCD, it is ruining my life, I can’t carry out any simple tasks, I am washing my hands hundreds of times a day, I am cleaning everything, in a state of panic all the time, I also have a terrible fear of blood and have convinced myself I have hiv even though I’ve never shared a needle nor been able to contract it through intimacy, I am at my wits end, I just want to live my life, I’ve got a wonderful boyfriend and lovely animals, I can’t carry on like this, I am struggling to go to work, I have a constant headache, it’s all too much 

 

I just want to know if anyone has been through something similar, and if you’ve managed to overcome any of it, and also what can I do to keep going whilst I’m awaiting help? 
 

Thank you, 

J

I haven't went through your exact situation but I have dealt / deal with OCD. Have you tried reading self help books to gain a better understanding of how OCD works on you? If not I would recommend break free from OCD which is available both on the OCDUK store and also on shops like Amazon.

 

It might surprise you but this isn't exactly unique to you with what you are dealing with. People with OCD have had contamination with urine l, faeces l, semen, blood - name something that can come out of a human body and OCD will try to make that a huge deal.

 

Take a look at your main compulsion for now just to point out how futile the compulsions are to you. You wash your hands hundreds of times a day, causing injury to yourself and likely causing...your hands to bleed. So by doing the compulsion you not only are reinforcing the intrusive thoughts about blood and contamination but you are also getting an outcome that then directly interacts with the OCD fear - blood.

 

A starting point here is to delay the handwashing each time by 30 seconds or begin to start cutting down on the amount of times you do it slowly.

 

In reality, beyond doing what a normal couple would do without OCD i.e. (both get tested and the if that returns clear still using contraception), then you are in the realm of OCD. 

 

If it crops up whilst you are being intimate with your partner (as OCD likes to do with couples and even people who are doing some alone time) then continue that intimacy in spite of OCD. You can respond differently by saying "well maybe I will get or give HIV or maybe it's OCD and it's all lies, oh well, I'm not going to figure it out". Obviously it's way easier said than done but it can be done and it can get better.