Struggling today

[Cora]

Hi,

I'm struggling with an incident that happened earlier in the day. My little brother (who is 10) was feeling upset and I decided I wanted to give him a hug to try make him feel a bit better. He was sitting on his bed and when I was hugging him I was sitting behind him. My arm was under his armpit, on his chest area. Out of nowhere I started squeezing (I think I did it twice) that part of his body and I am very sure it was his breast or at least the area next to it. I have no clue why I did that, it was very random. I don't think I had any bad intention and there was no intrusive thought or urge before the incident. I promise, I have no idea why I did it. 

I'm not sure how to understand what happened. I have tried to assign it very little meaning because not all things have to mean something but I can't stop seeing it as a very weird and inappropriate moment. 

The worst part is that after that happened my brother seemed even more upset. I started thinking that I made him feel uncomfortable and that I abused him. I did ask if he was upset with me/with something I had done but he said it wasn't me. But maybe he just doesn't know how to express those feelings and he really feels abused. 

What do you think of this? 

[snowbear]

Recognise it for what it is - OCD thinking sending you back down the rabbit hole.

Refuse to engage with the questions and doubts going round your head.  Stop making up rubbish about how he feels based on your obsession.

Come on, Cora. You can do this!

[discuccsant]

Hey Cora, 

we're on the same boat. I tried to reflect upon my case. Maybe you can give it a look on my thread? Snowbear gave excellent advice to me, I'll try to apply. I think it's important, though, that you try to reflect upon yourself and apply the advice also for yourself. Don't use it as reassurance, as reassurance doesn't help: Otherwise you wouldn't be here, struggling since several years with it. Instead, try to implement in your way of thinking!

Best wishes!

[Cora]

Thank you very much @snowbearand @discuccsant. I've managed to move on from that but I still cringe and feel weird whenever it pops up from time to time.