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The Battle between OCD THOUGHTS VS. REAL THOUGHTS (MEMORIES)


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HI, I have been diagnosed with OCD by a therapist that I've been seeing for the past few months. However, I often wonder, how do I decipher between what has actually happened (and its severity and impact on others) vs what I think has actually happened. I had a spell of over-drinking to the point of blacking out in order to mask my social anxiety and OCD. I remember parts of what I have done while drinking but sometimes I don't remember. There are things that I do remember that  I deeply regret and my mind keeps on reminding me of these moments constantly. 

When I look back on things that I've done, I feel an immense amount of guilt and regret. I tend to look back on things i've done in the past and only focus on the negative. I often wonder how much grace and mercy I should give myself even though I know I have done bad things. My therapist says that I should focus on the meaning that I am attaching to these scenarios or instances, but if I always lessen the meaning (and thus the level of guilt) then am I just letting myself off the hook too easily?  How will I ever be accountable for my actions?

I'm so tired of the mental back and forth because it doesn't go away. What would you suggest? Should I try to reach out to the people I believe I have hurt or is that insensitive just to free me from my own actions? How do you decipher what is the OCD and what is real or has actually happened?

 

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8 hours ago, RyRy said:

HI, I have been diagnosed with OCD by a therapist that I've been seeing for the past few months. However, I often wonder, how do I decipher between what has actually happened (and its severity and impact on others) vs what I think has actually happened. I had a spell of over-drinking to the point of blacking out in order to mask my social anxiety and OCD. I remember parts of what I have done while drinking but sometimes I don't remember. There are things that I do remember that  I deeply regret and my mind keeps on reminding me of these moments constantly. 

When I look back on things that I've done, I feel an immense amount of guilt and regret. I tend to look back on things i've done in the past and only focus on the negative. I often wonder how much grace and mercy I should give myself even though I know I have done bad things. My therapist says that I should focus on the meaning that I am attaching to these scenarios or instances, but if I always lessen the meaning (and thus the level of guilt) then am I just letting myself off the hook too easily?  How will I ever be accountable for my actions?

I'm so tired of the mental back and forth because it doesn't go away. What would you suggest? Should I try to reach out to the people I believe I have hurt or is that insensitive just to free me from my own actions? How do you decipher what is the OCD and what is real or has actually happened?

 

Urgency to do compulsions, anxiety over not having done them are probably the main two for deciphering OCD and what isn't. However, you can't realistically do that either. OCD won't accept it even if you somehow manage to "work it out". No, you shouldn't reach out to the people that would be another compulsion. You should be listening to your therapist here, they are right. This is the hyper-responsibility you experience with OCD with this idea that by not attaching meaning to things because the very fact you had a memory or a thought of something somehow now means you must be a bad person and should feel guilty forever. Only way to stop that constant guilt is to cut out the compulsions. Otherwise whilst you keep doing compulsions you are going to keep going round the cycle.

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19 hours ago, RyRy said:

I tend to look back on things i've done in the past and only focus on the negative.

 

It's helpful that you realise this is what you tend to do. So if this negative bias is your default way of thinking you can correct for it by deliberately taking a positive bias approach, or simply aiming for a more reasonable middle ground. You aren't forced to think a particular way, you always have the choice whether to think 'on autopilot' and get the same kind of results you've always got before, or actively intervene and think about things differently - which will give you different results.

 

19 hours ago, RyRy said:

I often wonder how much grace and mercy I should give myself even though I know I have done bad things.

There's a simple answer to that. As much or as little as you want! :)

Same as choosing how to think about things gives you different results, deciding how kind or strict to be with yourself gives different results.

Want to live and die a martyr for your belief 'I should never be let off the hook'? Go right ahead. The only person thinking there is a hook to be let off is you. The only person deciding whether to go the route of forgiveness and growth or following a set of rules and staying static - is you.

So it does (as your therapist says) come down to the meaning you give to things. Notice something?  Once again the only person deciding the meaning is you.

You decide how to think about it, you decide how to respond to it, you decide the meaning to attach to it and as a result you - and you alone - determine how you feel because of it.

Attach a meaning of - I want to be a good person, but I did a bad thing. :(  So now I'm a bad person. I think it's wrong to let a bad person off the hook, so punishment is the right thing to do. :(

Attach a meaning of - I want to be a good, kind person, but I did something I'm ashamed of. :(  Doing something I regret is a learning opportunity. It hasn't made me a bad person. Forgiveness is about personal growth and being a good, kind person, so forgiveness the right thing to do. :)

Same deed, different outcome based on how you think and the meaning you attach to it.

After that it's a simple choice - How do I want to think and what meaning do I want to give this?  :unsure:

You and you alone decide what is 'the right thing to do'.  And remember, whichever way you choose it will be the right thing to do - for that way of thinking and that meaning that you choose. :)

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On 20/10/2022 at 05:16, bluegas said:

What if they would? 
what then ?

this is why reassurance dose not work 

You'd be surprised how often this topic has been answered & I gave one answer someone wrote. I thought it was good because there is no evidence.

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On 19/10/2022 at 18:19, RyRy said:

HI, I have been diagnosed with OCD by a therapist that I've been seeing for the past few months. However, I often wonder, how do I decipher between what has actually happened (and its severity and impact on others) vs what I think has actually happened. I had a spell of over-drinking to the point of blacking out in order to mask my social anxiety and OCD. I remember parts of what I have done while drinking but sometimes I don't remember. There are things that I do remember that  I deeply regret and my mind keeps on reminding me of these moments constantly. 

When I look back on things that I've done, I feel an immense amount of guilt and regret. I tend to look back on things i've done in the past and only focus on the negative. I often wonder how much grace and mercy I should give myself even though I know I have done bad things. My therapist says that I should focus on the meaning that I am attaching to these scenarios or instances, but if I always lessen the meaning (and thus the level of guilt) then am I just letting myself off the hook too easily?  How will I ever be accountable for my actions?

I'm so tired of the mental back and forth because it doesn't go away. What would you suggest? Should I try to reach out to the people I believe I have hurt or is that insensitive just to free me from my own actions? How do you decipher what is the OCD and what is real or has actually happened?

 

Well firstly, I had similar past issues and trauma because of it along with alot of regret and when i was diagnosed with ocd in 2016 being i already knew i had aspergers before that at 10 years old in 2002. I often would ruminate for hours a day every day and not even realzing what i was doing, and feeling regret for issues with old friends that changed and i couldnt control what them or others i compared them to did, but eventually I accepted i had ocd, and i used to mask my ruminating with gambling which im almost a year clean from following a small setback in janaury of this year, point is you have to confront your worries and understand your acting off ptsd from others and nothing more, take the posiitve situation your currently in and also take the happy "in the moment" feeling. Understand your worries arent anywhere as serious as you think and think otherwise to other things and keep your mind occupied. It took me years of CBT, i never thought i could learn to cope with my ocd but between CBT and meds i did, and now i live on healthier and happier then ive been in years

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Just now, Kcbell92 said:

Well firstly, I had similar past issues and trauma because of it along with alot of regret and when i was diagnosed with ocd in 2016 being i already knew i had aspergers before that at 10 years old in 2002. I often would ruminate for hours a day every day and not even realzing what i was doing, and feeling regret for issues with old friends that changed and i couldnt control what them or others i compared them to did, but eventually I accepted i had ocd, and i used to mask my ruminating with gambling which im almost a year clean from following a small setback in janaury of this year, point is you have to confront your worries and understand your acting off ptsd from others and nothing more, take the posiitve situation your currently in and also take the happy "in the moment" feeling. Understand your worries arent anywhere as serious as you think and think otherwise to other things and keep your mind occupied. It took me years of CBT, i never thought i could learn to cope with my ocd but between CBT and meds i did, and now i live on healthier and happier then ive been in years

i also forgot to add dont seek re assurance from others, its a compulsion which you seem to react alot off of ruminate to like i used to do so much

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On 20/10/2022 at 14:11, snowbear said:

 

It's helpful that you realise this is what you tend to do. So if this negative bias is your default way of thinking you can correct for it by deliberately taking a positive bias approach, or simply aiming for a more reasonable middle ground. You aren't forced to think a particular way, you always have the choice whether to think 'on autopilot' and get the same kind of results you've always got before, or actively intervene and think about things differently - which will give you different results.

 

There's a simple answer to that. As much or as little as you want! :)

Same as choosing how to think about things gives you different results, deciding how kind or strict to be with yourself gives different results.

Want to live and die a martyr for your belief 'I should never be let off the hook'? Go right ahead. The only person thinking there is a hook to be let off is you. The only person deciding whether to go the route of forgiveness and growth or following a set of rules and staying static - is you.

So it does (as your therapist says) come down to the meaning you give to things. Notice something?  Once again the only person deciding the meaning is you.

You decide how to think about it, you decide how to respond to it, you decide the meaning to attach to it and as a result you - and you alone - determine how you feel because of it.

Attach a meaning of - I want to be a good person, but I did a bad thing. :(  So now I'm a bad person. I think it's wrong to let a bad person off the hook, so punishment is the right thing to do. :(

Attach a meaning of - I want to be a good, kind person, but I did something I'm ashamed of. :(  Doing something I regret is a learning opportunity. It hasn't made me a bad person. Forgiveness is about personal growth and being a good, kind person, so forgiveness the right thing to do. :)

Same deed, different outcome based on how you think and the meaning you attach to it.

After that it's a simple choice - How do I want to think and what meaning do I want to give this?  :unsure:

You and you alone decide what is 'the right thing to do'.  And remember, whichever way you choose it will be the right thing to do - for that way of thinking and that meaning that you choose. :)

Thank you so much for this.

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I really like this too snowbear. I found more an acceptance of my thoughts so much more helpful just to help me step back from them and not block any thoughts out. It's then my choice to decide what the right thing for me to do is, in that situation on that day. :)

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