Waiting for the news

[Summer9173]

My Dad went to A&E today because he’s been really struggling to sleep, so he got his blood and heart tested and the doctors are concerned about his liver. I feel really upset and anxious because my mind is saying it’s cancer and he’s going to die. My Dad is also an alcoholic, those of you who know will know my brother was in hospital with psychosis at the beginning of the year, so this is being back really bad flashbacks I feel so scared and upset x

[snowbear]

Hi Summer,

I hope your Dad is ok. Remember, if he is an alcoholic his liver will always be of concern to the medics! Today's 'news' is nothing new. Don't let your OCD run away with you or treat every 'new' thing you hear as another 'trigger'.

We're seeing a lot of threads from you describing your latest upset. No problem with you sharing what you're going through, but I'm starting to see a possible compulsive behaviour here - looking for reassurance, or perhaps even just getting the latest worry off your chest?

By now you should have a good understanding of 'Why am I feeling awful just now?'

and should also have in place a plan for 'What do I do to help myself when these feelings overwhelm me?' 

So, what's your Response Plan? 

Maybe writing it out here as bulletin point reminders would give you something to refer back to when the next 'crisis' hits.

 

[Summer9173]

On 03/11/2022 at 19:13, snowbear said:

Hi Summer,

I hope your Dad is ok. Remember, if he is an alcoholic his liver will always be of concern to the medics! Today's 'news' is nothing new. Don't let your OCD run away with you or treat every 'new' thing you hear as another 'trigger'.

We're seeing a lot of threads from you describing your latest upset. No problem with you sharing what you're going through, but I'm starting to see a possible compulsive behaviour here - looking for reassurance, or perhaps even just getting the latest worry off your chest?

By now you should have a good understanding of 'Why am I feeling awful just now?'

and should also have in place a plan for 'What do I do to help myself when these feelings overwhelm me?' 

So, what's your Response Plan? 

Maybe writing it out here as bulletin point reminders would give you something to refer back to when the next 'crisis' hits.

 

Sometimes I just need somebody to talk too. A lot of people around me see me as the ‘always happy and joyous’ friend, family member and girlfriend, but having that persona and I’m sure many would agree it does take a toll on you. These forums make me feel like I’m being l listened too with people who actually care  of course I fall into the trap of reassurance seeking, who doesn’t its ocd at the end of the day and it’s sneaky like that, but having an online family has been my biggest sense of recovery.

I do look back on old posts when I’m low, I find that’s helped me massively too to see that it doesn’t last forever. I’ll always do that to remind myself how strong I am, especially after this year  

[BelAnna]

On 03/11/2022 at 19:13, snowbear said:

Hi Summer,

I hope your Dad is ok. Remember, if he is an alcoholic his liver will always be of concern to the medics! Today's 'news' is nothing new. Don't let your OCD run away with you or treat every 'new' thing you hear as another 'trigger'.

We're seeing a lot of threads from you describing your latest upset. No problem with you sharing what you're going through, but I'm starting to see a possible compulsive behaviour here - looking for reassurance, or perhaps even just getting the latest worry off your chest?

By now you should have a good understanding of 'Why am I feeling awful just now?'

and should also have in place a plan for 'What do I do to help myself when these feelings overwhelm me?' 

So, what's your Response Plan? 

Maybe writing it out here as bulletin point reminders would give you something to refer back to when the next 'crisis' hits.

 

Hi Snowbear,

You usually give amazing advice but I think this might have been an unintentionally slightly de-validating  reply to Summer's post. Anyone would be worried about their Dad having possible liver disease and might worry that the fact that the doctors are concerned is more likely to indicate something serious and permanent like cirrhosis than just temporary, reversible damage. My Dad had an alcohol problem in the past and I'd be worried in the same situation. Also going through seeing a family member suffer psychosis is a significant trauma.

I used to post quite frequently when I was younger because I found the support on the forum so important when I was struggling and I'm sure lots of people can relate!

[Summer9173]

3 hours ago, BelAnna said:

Hi Snowbear,

You usually give amazing advice but I think this might have been an unintentionally slightly de-validating  reply to Summer's post. Anyone would be worried about their Dad having possible liver disease and might worry that the fact that the doctors are concerned is more likely to indicate something serious and permanent like cirrhosis than just temporary, reversible damage. My Dad had an alcohol problem in the past and I'd be worried in the same situation. Also going through seeing a family member suffer psychosis is a significant trauma.

I used to post quite frequently when I was younger because I found the support on the forum so important when I was struggling and I'm sure lots of people can relate!

Thank you so much @BelAnna your so kind I am absolutely terrified and I know my ocd probably plays a part In things as usual, but I have experienced a lot of trauma this year and I just wish life would give me a break, I’m sure anybody would be the same but the groups and forum have been a massive help to me xx

[snowbear]

4 hours ago, BelAnna said:

I think this might have been an unintentionally slightly de-validating  reply to Summer's post.

Certainly wasn't intended to devalidate the concern in itself. I was just trying to put it into context as possible OCD making more of it than would otherwise be the case - treating a known problem as if it was a new one and therefore convincing you the degree of new worry was valid. But it seems it came across as devalidation so I do apologise @Summer9173. (And I hope my attempt to explain hasn't simply done the same devalidation again- in which case double apology and I'll shut up!)

There's no problem with people using the forum as a place to talk and support each other, it's what it's here for after all.   That said, I'm always on the lookout for ways to help people become more self-reliant and resilent, which means I sometimes push them out of their comfort zone by challenging things. OCD is very good at convincing us the worry is justified because this time it's different. And it never is different. It's the same thought processes leading to the same extreme reaction. Training ourselves to rein in that reaction develops resilience and kicks OCD butt. I meant nothing more by my comment than that.

[taurean]

 

I thought the intent here was good from snowy. Alcoholics do  run the risk of liver damage. So yes have a concern, but try not to catastrophise and try and adopt the approach of deferring too great a response until there are some facts.

[Summer9173]

2 hours ago, snowbear said:

Certainly wasn't intended to devalidate the concern in itself. I was just trying to put it into context as possible OCD making more of it than would otherwise be the case - treating a known problem as if it was a new one and therefore convincing you the degree of new worry was valid. But it seems it came across as devalidation so I do apologise @Summer9173. (And I hope my attempt to explain hasn't simply done the same devalidation again- in which case double apology and I'll shut up!)

There's no problem with people using the forum as a place to talk and support each other, it's what it's here for after all.   That said, I'm always on the lookout for ways to help people become more self-reliant and resilent, which means I sometimes push them out of their comfort zone by challenging things. OCD is very good at convincing us the worry is justified because this time it's different. And it never is different. It's the same thought processes leading to the same extreme reaction. Training ourselves to rein in that reaction develops resilience and kicks OCD butt. I meant nothing more by my comment than that.

Oh no need to apologise @snowbear  please don’t worry about it, I can see my ocd playing a part in this, however I can also see my trauma symptoms of where my brother was in hospital playing a part in it more. I genuinely am so scared and I know anybody else would be. About half an hour ago I heard my dad crying to my mum downstairs, saying that the doctors think he has liver failure, there just not sure what level? My hearts completely broken, even though I wish I could be independent here, I don’t think I can. I’m only 20 and my dads been like my best friend the past couple of months. He is an alcoholic, I’m in absolute bits over it all. I don’t really know anything about liver failure or liver disease either.

[Summer9173]

12 minutes ago, taurean said:

 

I thought the intent here was good from snowy. Alcoholics do  run the risk of liver damage. So yes have a concern, but try not to catastrophise and try and adopt the approach of deferring too great a response until there are some facts.

Thank you @taurean, I just feel powerless. I love my dad, he’s only 41 too and has he’s whole life ahead of him still, he’s also my best friend  I’ll do everything I can to support him, but sometimes life really is rubbish. I wish I could give life a right kick up the backside, it’s looking like he’ll need a liver transplant and for some reason my ocd has backed away a little

[taurean]

That is such a desperate situation.

It's awful for all of you and I especially feel for your Mum.

Of course you are going to be affected by that. But it will help if you can convince yourself to wait until there is a factual prognosis.

Maybe he needs a transplant,  and maybe there will be one and it will prove beneficial.

I think if it were me I would adopt that line right now.

Amongst the sadness is of course the fact that being an alcoholic brought this about. 

 

[Summer9173]

22 minutes ago, taurean said:

Amongst the sadness is of course the fact that being an alcoholic brought this about. 

I know, and I’m so angry, he’s a functioning alcoholic, surely he knew this would’ve happened, he was drinking so much, too much. But at the same time I can’t be angry, I can’t imagine how difficult addictions are either. 
 

At the moment, I’m doing exactly what you said I am keeping an open mind, I’m not jumping to the worst possible thing. I think I’m just scared it’s cancer tbh, but his symptoms do sound more like liver failure.

[snowbear]

I'm sorry he's in such a bad way, Summer. Addictions are difficult. Expecting someone to snap out of an addiction is as useless as expecting someone to snap out of their OCD. Maybe getting onto the waiting list for a liver transplant will be the incentive he needs to turn things around? Always stay hopeful. Hope is a wonderful resource.

[Summer9173]

2 minutes ago, snowbear said:

I'm sorry he's in such a bad way, Summer. Addictions are difficult. Expecting someone to snap out of an addiction is as useless as expecting someone to snap out of their OCD. Maybe getting onto the waiting list for a liver transplant will be the incentive he needs to turn things around? Always stay hopeful. Hope is a wonderful resource.

Thank you @snowbear I appreciate all of the support he’s got a hospital appointment tomorrow, so I’ll keep everybody updated as to what’s going on. That’s the thing, I think In the midst of if all, I should learn more about addictions. I’m around a lot of people in my life, even in work who suffer with addictions. So many learning more would really help, just as somebody would learn about my ocd.

[Summer9173]

Was just recommended such an amazing page if anybody else is going through something similar

 

https://alcoholchange.org.uk

[ocdjonesy]

39 minutes ago, Summer9173 said:

Was just recommended such an amazing page if anybody else is going through something similar

 

https://alcoholchange.org.uk

You could also try https://www.al-anonuk.org.uk which is for the families of people with alcohol problems.

[Summer9173]

Really need somebody to talk too I looked up acute liver failure and now I’m scared to go to sleep incase my dad isn’t alive in the morning

[Handy]

They probably gave him a liver function test panel, a series of tests.  But it's also visible from yellow skin & eyes. 

Its treated with medication promptly. Also, changes in eating & drinking. 

Btw, Summer, that personality disorder I was speculating at, Narcissist Personality Disorder (covert), the husband neutralizes it's effect on him by drinking alcohol or some other method.  

Hope you dad gets better. Medication works very well.

[ocdjonesy]

6 minutes ago, Handy said:

Btw, Summer, that personality disorder I was speculating at, Narcissist Personality Disorder (covert), the husband neutralizes it's effect on him by drinking alcohol or some other method.  

Can you not speculate please?  You're not a diagnosing clinician you're a person on the internet and you've no business suggesting this sort of thing to anyone, third hand on a forum because you've read a wikipedia page about it. 

I'm sorry about your dad Summer.  It all sounds really horrible.  But sitting up reading about it on the internet isn't going to help.  The fact is medical tests take time and the process of diagnosing and treating your dad for whatever is going on with him is going to be long drawn out and probably ongoing for quite a while so you need to use the skills you've been building on with your therapist and with all your exposures to try to maintain an even keel through that process.  

You over researching and doing other OCD behaviours is not going to change what's happening it's only going to make the process more excruciating for you.  You know that.  When you look at your situation logically you know what you need to do is keep going with the progress you've been making and try to live on day to day through whatever life throws at you.  I know it's a lot and I'm really sorry it's happening to you but you need to look after yourself here ok?

[Summer9173]

12 hours ago, ocdjonesy said:

Can you not speculate please?  You're not a diagnosing clinician you're a person on the internet and you've no business suggesting this sort of thing to anyone, third hand on a forum because you've read a wikipedia page about it. 

I'm sorry about your dad Summer.  It all sounds really horrible.  But sitting up reading about it on the internet isn't going to help.  The fact is medical tests take time and the process of diagnosing and treating your dad for whatever is going on with him is going to be long drawn out and probably ongoing for quite a while so you need to use the skills you've been building on with your therapist and with all your exposures to try to maintain an even keel through that process.  

You over researching and doing other OCD behaviours is not going to change what's happening it's only going to make the process more excruciating for you.  You know that.  When you look at your situation logically you know what you need to do is keep going with the progress you've been making and try to live on day to day through whatever life throws at you.  I know it's a lot and I'm really sorry it's happening to you but you need to look after yourself here ok?

Thank you so much @ocdjonesy

 

I’ve woken up feeling quite low, nether the less i still went to Asda this morning and got some nice wintery bits and bobs, so that’s good at least, I’m still trying to practice self care  he’s going into hospital in an hour, so I’ll keep everybody updated

[BelAnna]

2 hours ago, Summer9173 said:

Thank you so much @ocdjonesy

 

I’ve woken up feeling quite low, nether the less i still went to Asda this morning and got some nice wintery bits and bobs, so that’s good at least, I’m still trying to practice self care  he’s going into hospital in an hour, so I’ll keep everybody updated

Thinking of you and your Dad Summer! (and sending a big hug ), life is so unfair sometimes. 

[Summer9173]

Hello everybody, my dad has stage 1 liver cirrhosis, he’s not allowed to drink alcohol at all now, for the rest of his life. If he doesn’t drink In the next 6 months, he’ll be ok xx

[BelAnna]

Oh, I know that it doesn't sound like it but that's actually quite good news Summer- it means it's both reversible (which it may not have been if caught later) and a great motivator for your Dad to seek the help that he needs. 

Edited November 6, 2022 by BelAnna

[auroramaple]

Hi Summer, 

I haven’t posted on the forums in ages but I saw your post and I just had to respond. My dad was also an alcoholic (he’s actually now 2 years sober) and I can totally sympathise with you. Having an alcoholic parent is one of the hardest things to deal with ever. It’s completely understandable that you’d be having these thoughts and worries. The sad part about having a loved one who is an alcoholic is that the only person that can change that is themselves. My dad had similar experiences and that is what motivated him to get help. You’ve had lots of lovely advice off other people on this post and they’re all very right. 
 

I’m always here if you want to chat about anything. I think no-one really understands what it’s like until they’ve experienced it themselves. 
 

All the best and I wish him a speedy recovery

[ocdjonesy]

1 hour ago, Summer9173 said:

Hello everybody, my dad has stage 1 liver cirrhosis, he’s not allowed to drink alcohol at all now, for the rest of his life. If he doesn’t drink In the next 6 months, he’ll be ok xx

I'm so sorry hun.  Not that that is entirely bad news because like others have said stage one is entirely reversible and if this is the thing that gets your dad to stop drinking then that's good.  Often this sort of thing can be a wake up call for a person and while it's not great he got to this stage to begin with he at least has sought help before things became too serious.  

It probably isn't going to be easy for him to quit and it's not going to be easy for the rest of the family either, yourself included, but there's no reason it can't end up a positive experience for you all in the long run.  Try not to worry too much in the mean time and just keep going with what you've been doing.  The whole point of working on your OCD is so you can manage it through periods just like this one, yeah?  

[Lynz]

5 hours ago, Summer9173 said:

Hello everybody, my dad has stage 1 liver cirrhosis, he’s not allowed to drink alcohol at all now, for the rest of his life. If he doesn’t drink In the next 6 months, he’ll be ok xx

Hi Summer I've only just caught up with this thread now. I'm sorry to hear about your dad but I echo what others have said so far. It's good news in that it's completely reversible and could have been so much worse. Fingers crossed that this has been a wake-up call for your dad and that he stops drinking. Often that bit is the hardest bit for many alcoholics who have been told they have stage 1 liver cirrhosis and that is to not drink again. I'm hoping he's got access to some support to stop drinking as it would be very hard for him to stay sober without that I think due to the nature of the addiction.