Same worry 15 years

[Nora]

Hi,

I have had a number of obsessions over the years, but there is one which always comes back to haunt me. It’s the most disturbing by far and makes me truly doubt myself. I just had a moment where I indulged it for a second / felt like I was accepting it. I just want to not think about it and do not find the idea of it appealing in any way but then this happened. What does it mean??? After all these years, am I just messed up?

[Nora]

What I mean is - why was okay with that thought / did I even enjoy it?

[malina]

Hi @Nora

I think your issue is that you are still not accepting your obsession (whatever it may be) as OCD and you're trying to do compulsions to control it. This whole idea that you accepted it and, therefore, it must mean something is classic OCD. By trying so hard to reject it, you're still giving it too much meaning. Some therapists would encourage you, as an exercise, to indeed accept it. To tell yourself that it's all true and sit with the anxiety that this brings. After a while, the anxiety will go down and the obsession will lose its meaning. I understand what you mean, though, I've had one obsession pretty much for 20 years now. Other things come and go but this one has been a constant, I don't know why some things get to us more than others, but it's all the same OCD rubbish. Stay strong, you can do this!

[Nora]

On 26/11/2022 at 08:55, malina said:

Hi @Nora

I think your issue is that you are still not accepting your obsession (whatever it may be) as OCD and you're trying to do compulsions to control it. This whole idea that you accepted it and, therefore, it must mean something is classic OCD. By trying so hard to reject it, you're still giving it too much meaning. Some therapists would encourage you, as an exercise, to indeed accept it. To tell yourself that it's all true and sit with the anxiety that this brings. After a while, the anxiety will go down and the obsession will lose its meaning. I understand what you mean, though, I've had one obsession pretty much for 20 years now. Other things come and go but this one has been a constant, I don't know why some things get to us more than others, but it's all the same OCD rubbish. Stay strong, you can do this!

Hey @malinathanks so much for that! The worst thing is that this one recurring thing makes me think it isn’t ocd, that it’s actually real

It’s almost like I can’t imagine life without this one obsession I guess. Any advice on this?

[Sara OCD-UK]

I don't know if you have seen any of our conference recordings on the OCD-UK website Nora, but Professor Salkovskis often says that if you aren't sure if it is OCD, work on the basis that it is.  The very fact you are questioning and searching for the 'truth' gives you the answer that it IS OCD.  

In terms of not being able to imagine life without the obsession, that is common as it can feel so familiar to us and it can feel difficult to let that go.  Make some goals, think about what you would like to do with the free time that you won't be spending doing your compulsions, focus on what you are gaining from leaving that obsession behind.  

[Nora]

7 minutes ago, Sara OCD-UK said:

I don't know if you have seen any of our conference recordings on the OCD-UK website Nora, but Professor Salkovskis often says that if you aren't sure if it is OCD, work on the basis that it is.  The very fact you are questioning and searching for the 'truth' gives you the answer that it IS OCD.  

In terms of not being able to imagine life without the obsession, that is common as it can feel so familiar to us and it can feel difficult to let that go.  Make some goals, think about what you would like to do with the free time that you won't be spending doing your compulsions, focus on what you are gaining from leaving that obsession behind.  

Thanks so much for your help Sara! Which conferences address this specifically? :)

[Sara OCD-UK]

I can't recall which presentation he says this specifically, but I have listed one of his and a couple of other useful presentations you might want to look at:

https://www.ocduk.org/conference/2020-virtual/conference-map/main/walking-off-the-battlefield/ - Walking off the Battlefield by Mark Freeman.  This talks about life after OCD and how it can take some adjustment.

https://www.ocduk.org/conference/2021-virtual/main/how-to-take-a-risk/ How to take a risk by Professor Paul Salkovskis.  

https://www.ocduk.org/conference/2021-virtual/main/its-not-the-thought-that-counts/ It's not the thought that counts by Professor Adam Radomsky.