Is anyone awake

[sunflowersea]

Hi there,

I’ve got myself into a bit of a state and am on the verge of a panic attack right now. I was just wondering if anyone was awake to provide some comforting words.

It sounds ridiculous but I dyed my hair properly for the first time and although I like it, it’s so scary and different and has really set my OCD off tonight. I think it’s because it’s out of the ordinary, been looking in the mirror and getting a shock. And my moral theme has latched on saying I’m an awful person because I’ve ruined my lovely hair and going to have to cut it all off and why ruin your hair your parents gave you. It truly sounds so stupid in my rational brain but OCD completely disregards all logic. Like I could easily dye it back to my natural colour but my head is like but it’ll never be the SAME and what you had when you were a child (a big obsession of mine is wishing back to early childhood because it was before OCD began to rule my life). And everything seems more scary at night.

I think this is just the cherry on top and my head is blaming this for me being upset but everything is just a lot at the moment.

I’ve put on my childhood audiobook to try and give some comfort but I just feel so sad and anxious. After suffering with OCD for most of my life, and it still being so debilitating in my twenties is just so exhausting. I found myself reassurance seeking before bed saying to my mum, ‘everything is going to be okay, isn’t it’ because I just feel the opposite of that right now. Bedtimes have become much more difficult and I’m so anxious especially at night.

I hate OCD

[ecomum]

Hi sunflowersea 

I often find my ocd is worse at night too and it is also worse when something is bothering me . Tonight mine is because I fell asleep watching itv on my phone and I think it’s going to cost me a lot of money . 
what I find really helps is to write it down . I have a list on my phone (could also use paper ) called ‘mind clear to do’

which I make a practical note on to clear my mind for sleep.so I might write ‘ check my phone bill with company in morning ‘ or ‘decide if I like my hair or redye it ‘ etc.

it helps me to not worry all night . I also listen to audiobooks like you said to take my mind off it .

things often seem way better in the morning . Hope you are ok 

[Handy]

Anxiety if high right now but it'll be better tomorrow. 

Adenosine builds up in the body during the day & it makes us tired at night & so more OCD thoughts.  

Try breathing as if you were calm. 

[sunflowersea]

On 29/11/2022 at 03:11, ecomum said:

things often seem way better in the morning . Hope you are ok 

Thanks so much for your reply. In the morning I was so confused as to why I’d got myself into such a state. However, my body felt like it was in fight or flight for the whole next day which was so exhausting!

I am really struggling with sleep but trying not to attach too much meaning or worry, I tried my weighted blanket I got last year but instead of helping it was making me feel very claustrophobic.

I just need to take each night as it comes I guess.

But thanks again

[sunflowersea]

On 29/11/2022 at 03:18, Handy said:

Adenosine builds up in the body during the day & it makes us tired at night & so more OCD thoughts.

This is so true. On top of this I also have TMJ which is caused by a build up of stress hormones leading to jaw clenching/grinding, seized up neck and upper back muscles. Going to sleep seems like my nemesis at the moment! It’s hard because sleep was my escape from OCD and now that’s been hindered but hoping it’s just a blip. Thank you