I can't control my anger, frustration and desperation and it makes me sad.

[WorriedToHell]

This is not OCD. Ok, it is OCD because OCD have made my life a living hell. OCD have made me waste my life and it have put me in my current situation. A situation where I look like a grown up but my life is everything but a life of a adult person. I wasted so many years to it and my life today is a product of the previous years. I have been off from life when other people have worked, got a carrier and got themselves a stable life. My OCD is still with me but the panic attacks and the constant anxiety isn't. I am also not depressed any longer, I used to get depressed a few times every year. I think I have managed to calm this depression-circle with social contacts and getting a plan. 

NOW, I am really really really miserable. My second biggest wish is to have the guts to end this ****, my biggest wish is to get my things together (a job and a own apartment: stability and peace of mind). Don't be alarmed because I will never be able to go through with my second wish, I am really scared of death, all of my anxieties have probably been a light version of this fear. But it is a relief to think about it, it makes me feel like there is a way out of the hell I am living now, I am totally powerless and this gives me some kind of power. The life I am living now is pathetic. I have applied for many jobs the last 2 years, just to get rejected time after time, if they contact me they get nauseous when they hear me speaking, I can hear it in their voices, I wish I could see myself from the outside because there have to be something totally repulsive about me. I am failing with everything, I am a 30+ years old baby who can't take care of himself. Pathetic, I feel such hate towards my own pathetic state. 

My problem is this, I have HUGE anger issues as this point, I am frustrated almost every day and it leads me into anger. I am destroying my own things to be frank. I can't explain why but it comes down to me feeling so worthless I need to be punished and me wanting to scream out so someone helps me. I should say that I have gotten 0% support from the social system in my country. I got someone to talk to this month and he is supposed to make things happen, he pushes me to do things. No mental expert or something like that, he is probably what I need in this pathetic situation. I don't need pills, I don't need talk therapy I need a income and a place to be by myself. I WANT SOMEWHERE I can make my own rules !!!! (so bad). To be left alone and where I can make the rules. I went to the forest last week (like I have been the last months), it has got a lot colder now, and it was really cold and my toes hurt pretty bad the last hour, because of the cold, I got purple toes the day after and went to the hospital because of it, and well I still have them. I obviously can't make people  see how bad I am feeling inside my head, how frustrated I am, but events like this should be a pointer about my inner state. I desperately need my own space. It has come to a point where I have got physically damages a few times the last year. This with my toes but also my fingers when I have been smashing them into trees or my own things. It seriously feels like I deserves it, I am useless and needs to get what I deserve. My tics have also got more violent. I no longer care as much. I mean I was overly neurotic about my health before so it could be good too, but only good if you are normal enough not to hurt yourself. 

My dad is an alcoholic and even if the ambulance had to pick him up in november and even if my mom said that: "I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER BUY YOU ALCOHOL AGAIN, And you need to get help", even if she said all of that **** (which she has said 100 times before), did she went and bought him alcohol this week. And even if I managed to block it out for a couple of days when he was intoxicated did I snap today, I thought about it all and I snapped, she is so weak willed to be frank. I bought them food this week and I cleaned here because they are having really really nasty, the thing is they are older now and my mom is having physical ailments which makes her unable to be active. Even going and buy food is hard for her, he fell a couple of months ago when she went out. But when I bought them food and they didn't have to buy food she went to the town and bought liquor. I don't know what's wrong with her, like seriously, I DON't KNOW WHAT SHE IS THINKING, how her thought process is when she goes and buy him liquor.  So shouldn't buy herself liquor neither because she is taking pills which aren't supposed to be mixed with alcohol..... But I can only guess that she does it because she wants to give them both a time to relax or celebrate. I seriously can't fathom how ***** stupid this **** is. It's like (and have always been) like my parents are living for the current week, this back and forth **** is just making me sick to my stomach. She has talked about moving for over 10 years but she can't even talk with a house broker after I called them up. "She needed to think about it". Which she has done for 10 years. Now the neighbour is moving and they are cursing because it was meant to be them... Utter ********. 

But I snapped today and I kicked some boxes, where I have delicate things (I have obsessed about some of them today), and I throw out some of the food. I took all of it back but I destroyed some of it. I don't know why I am doing this, destroying my own things but I can see two reasons.

1. When I get this angry I just feel like I am totally ***** worthless and I deserve to get punished, I don't deserve to have anything and I destroy it to scream out about how worthless I am. 

2. Make people understand how bad I am feeling, I have told a few social workers that I do this,  just to alarm them that the situation is pretty bad. But well, I don't think they will care as long as it is my own things I am destroying. And I am too afraid to destroy other things, like public property. I don't want to do this btw, and I have only thought about it so I can get help. I would call the police afterwards and they would come and get me. I would have to pay for it and go through the justice system. The thing is I know this will destroy my chances to get a job but it seriously feels like nobody is taking me seriously. But this will never happen, don't be alarmed.

Can someone give me some tips on how to deal with this? I really need a way to deal with the anger, which comes from frustration. Look, my life will come with a lot of frustration for a long time brefore (if I ever) get things together. It's just how it is, I am having a lot of resistance and it's because of previous years. But when I do feel that I am doing something productive I am actually not getting angry! I figured this out last week and I actually emerged myself with productive things the first part of the week and I felt a lot less angry. If I don't find a way to deal with it I will be 1. even poorer than I am currently. 2. even more miserable because trust me I feel like utter **** after these incidents, I feel so sad afterwards about how pathetic I am. About how I am utterly ***** in the head. 

If someone took the time to read all of this I am thankful. I have wrote it down a few times today and I tried to make it as short as possible but I feel like I need to make it this long to convey the whole situation. I have also present it to a few people but people are getting tired of me to be frank. I am not having that many left which take their time to help me. I will probably try one of these psychologist apps which offers counselling this week because I NEED to get this anger under control. I need a way to handle my frustration which comes from my totally useless life.

Thanks

Edited December 5, 2022 by WorriedToHell

[snowbear]

17 hours ago, WorriedToHell said:

Can someone give me some tips on how to deal with this? I really need a way to deal with the anger, which comes from frustration.

Yes.   As you say, anger comes from frustration, and frustration comes from things not being how you want them to be.

There are two things you can do:

1. Change the way you think about things. Change the way you talk to yourself when you are angry.

Chances are you talk to yourself using a lot of words like, 'I wish things were different' and 'I should be able to have things the way I want'.

Words like 'wish' and 'should' create a lot of anger and frustration, because they make you feel like you're getting nowhere. Truth is, wishing doesn't change anything. Nothing ever got better just because someone wished it or wanted it to get better. If you want to stop feeling frustrated you will have to make things change.

So how do you do that?

Well, there are a lot of things we can't control in life, such as our living situation or what other people do. So you need to shift your thoughts away from what your mum did and what you'd like to be different and instead focus on what you can control.

You can't control other people, but you can control what you do. So look at how you react when you feel angry or frustrated. What do you do?

At the moment you punish and hurt yourself and smash things. That might ease the frustration for a while, but it doesn't change anything.

You also try to draw attention to your anger and your situation, which is fine, but the way you're going about it (smashing things up) will only make social workers and police think you are out of control and can't be trusted. It won't change anything.

To get a different response/ outcome you have to change the way you behave when you feel frustrated.

So, 2. You change the way you behave.

There are lots of ways of dealing with frustration. Helpful ones are:

- walk away from the situation

- find something else (something positive) to occupy your mind

- don't dwell on the thing that's making you angry. Stop thinking 'I wish it was different'

- burn off your anger with exercise

- try relaxation methods like mindfulness, meditation, and breathing exercises

- talk calmly to the social worker about how frustrated you get and show you are trying to change your behaviour using some of these helpful methods.

 

Anger and frustration can be managed differently. When you change what you choose to think about and change the way you behave you will feel more in control. When your are in control you can begin to think more clearly about how to make real changes in your living situation and achieve the things you want to happen.

 

[WorriedToHell]

1 hour ago, snowbear said:

Yes.   As you say, anger comes from frustration, and frustration comes from things not being how you want them to be.

There are two things you can do:

1. Change the way you think about things. Change the way you talk to yourself when you are angry.

Chances are you talk to yourself using a lot of words like, 'I wish things were different' and 'I should be able to have things the way I want'.

Words like 'wish' and 'should' create a lot of anger and frustration, because they make you feel like you're getting nowhere. Truth is, wishing doesn't change anything. Nothing ever got better just because someone wished it or wanted it to get better. If you want to stop feeling frustrated you will have to make things change.

So how do you do that?

Well, there are a lot of things we can't control in life, such as our living situation or what other people do. So you need to shift your thoughts away from what your mum did and what you'd like to be different and instead focus on what you can control.

You can't control other people, but you can control what you do. So look at how you react when you feel angry or frustrated. What do you do?

At the moment you punish and hurt yourself and smash things. That might ease the frustration for a while, but it doesn't change anything.

You also try to draw attention to your anger and your situation, which is fine, but the way you're going about it (smashing things up) will only make social workers and police think you are out of control and can't be trusted. It won't change anything.

To get a different response/ outcome you have to change the way you behave when you feel frustrated.

So, 2. You change the way you behave.

There are lots of ways of dealing with frustration. Helpful ones are:

- walk away from the situation

- find something else (something positive) to occupy your mind

- don't dwell on the thing that's making you angry. Stop thinking 'I wish it was different'

- burn off your anger with exercise

- try relaxation methods like mindfulness, meditation, and breathing exercises

- talk calmly to the social worker about how frustrated you get and show you are trying to change your behaviour using some of these helpful methods.

 

Anger and frustration can be managed differently. When you change what you choose to think about and change the way you behave you will feel more in control. When your are in control you can begin to think more clearly about how to make real changes in your living situation and achieve the things you want to happen.

 

This is such an obvious thing. I totally agree. I dont' know but I was a pretty big fan of being in the moment and acceptance a while ago but it's like my life have drained me and I have no ability to think that way. I guess these emotions have taken me under control. It's feels so bad applying for 100 jobs and getting nothing and knowing that the next application will not be any different. I won't lie but it makes me hateful and bitter. It seems pretty clear to me now that everything is circumstances, a person who have a well paid job have the easiest task in the world to spread positivity and "love". And the oppositive is true about the one in jail. This was beiside the point.

Doing is the only thing I can do, it's just that the solutions seems so far way. I am already waaaay to old to be living like this and if I start where I should start many years ago I will live like this forever. 

Yes I am doing a lot of mental picturing in my head about what I want. An apartment and I am dreaming about it every day every hour. You tell me I need to stop this. OK, fine. I guess it's the only thing I have then. I can't go on like this. I feel so bad today about what I am doing. I don't want to hurt the only people in the world who truly cares about me. yeah yeah I know every human loves each other, it's like with the slogan "you are not worthless because you can't get a job". So I will have to take your advices. I think this advice is the best I have got last day and I have asked a lot of people. However, going to ask a psychologist tomorrow too, this really needs to STOP, like NOW.

[snowbear]

2 minutes ago, WorriedToHell said:

Yes I am doing a lot of mental picturing in my head about what I want. An apartment and I am dreaming about it every day every hour. You tell me I need to stop this. OK, fine.

Mentally picturing what you want is good! It can help with optimism, positivity and motivation.

As long as daydreaming about it doesn't take over all your time when instead you can do something in the present to help you achieve the goal you have pictured.

Small steps lead to bigger steps. Starting the journey is what matters. Don't be put off from trying things where the outcome isn't directly related to your final goal. No positive effort is ever wasted, and often how it helps only becomes clear to you further down the road.

 

8 minutes ago, WorriedToHell said:

"you are not worthless because you can't get a job".

Very true.   It can be very frustrating when you get turned down for job after job after job. Don't give up! 

As well as applying for jobs, look around you to see what work experience opportunities there are, maybe voluntry work, or community work. These may not pay up front, but they help a lot with future job applications. Even if they don't directly help you get a paid job, the fact you're not wasting your time while looking shows prospective employers you are the kind of person they want on their workforce!

Stay hopeful, and take action.

[WorriedToHell]

Yep I need to do that. I have given up so many times this year and especially after this summer. My parents house was the wake up call. I had to face reality head on, and well all I can say is that other people have a better position than me. I have always had this glorified picture of how it is to be the underdog, I can even remember longing for it back in school, in school I felt this if I missed school a day or two... Today I have missed years. I feel sad. I am out from life. Makes me sad. It took me the whole day yesterday to stop being angry and I was still angry today but now the shame comes over me. I feel shame towards my parents.

But most importantly do I feel sad about what I did yesterday. I look at sad pictures and think about my mother, what she has to endure, I think likewise about my dad. 

Well, my angerissues is the main priority now. Ok, I will need to talk with the psychologist aboout thought methods when anger strikes me. The anger comes from nowhere so it's really hard to avoid it. There is ALWAYS some phase building up to this obviously things which frustrates me and I snap. I will also have to think about getting myself tested when it comes to other diagnosis. I have got a few suggestions what I can have. I don't fancy having diagnosis for the sake of it but something is off with how I handle stress. 

Edited December 5, 2022 by WorriedToHell

[WorriedToHell]

I talked with a psychologist today, well over computer. I am going to try voicespeak next time. I have follow up the next week, it's a lot of time in this situation is the feeling I get. At the same time, I am not that anxious, I know anxiety quite well, I have had it in an extreme form and this is not anxiety so I should be thankful. But this feeling of frustration is really hard too. It's not a good feeling.

The advices I got here was probably the best I have got these 2 days I have asked people. Deep down I  know and accept it so I need to do it too, I guess. 

[debdebdeb]

Hi

You sound very much like my son with anger and frustration and breaking his items etc.

I am his mum and I try to help him, be positive etc but his negativity is my fault because because because etc.

He won't get help and take medication and hates people so much. 

I can't help you but so you know another and many more I would think suffer as you do and I really hope any advice you get you can use it.

All the very best to you